can i win her back if so how

dancesatnight

ok ill explain the whole story coz its messy to say the least. WE were going out a year. but for the first 3 months i was still hanging out with my ex ex coz we were still kinda friends and we had a dog together and i loved the little doggy called honey.so one night i was down with ex ex and she kissed me. i wigged out and never contacted her again cut all ties to speak.once i did that i fell head over heels for Anna. the 3 day after we were together a year one of her friends found out and told her i kissed ex ex. she wigged out and dumped me i was heart broken. for 3 weeks i kept my distance and contact to a min. so in the last 3 weeks we have been hanging out kissing cuddling saying i love u and being intimate.ive been staying over in her place and she has been staying in my 3 or 4 nights a week.i was going to ask her out again but her sister one of my friends say be careful so i said nothing then a day later she txts me saying i she felt preassured and was inclined to run away.now i dont know where i stand i want her and love her like no other but does this mean she want to get back in time or just leave it as friends but she not talking to me now ? now im not saying im a saint im clearly not but if we arent going out what are we? is she taking the piss out of me.i dont know how to feel or what to expect coz i still love her with all of my heart and i have a swayed view

its been nearly 3 weeks now since she txted me this Hey, just in from work, im finding us exceptionally difficult, i just cant seem to move past the bad stuff, i can forget for a few hours and then i remember. and u seem scared of me, like im gonna go ballistic if u say the wrong thing, and im not like that, or at least i dont want to be and its not helping. I need some space. I just cant deal

me: i said" its ok ill give u time and space x"

Thank you, im sorry, i know ive been wrecking your head and it was never my intention, so until im less **** in the head its not fair on either of us x


Any insight would be such a great help

Feisar

Lesson learned, should have told her your ex kissed you. Did she know you were meeting your ex? If my GF was meeting her ex regularly I'd reckon there was something going on. Excluding work or same social circles obviously.

Since she was sorta back with you it seems you may be able to salvage it.

Not sure how though, should you press your case or step back and let her fall for you? I don't know.

Whats the ages of those involved?

Wibbs

Better here dancesatnight

Wibbs

dancesatnight wrote: »

me: i said" its ok ill give u time and space x"

Do what you say. Give her space. Back right off. Let her do the running. IMHO The more you do the running, the more you force the issue, the more pressure you put on her and the more you remind her of the reason for her decision to back off.

If she does start to get back to where you were, don't rush into putting a name on it. This IMHO is where you went wrong. Well the second time you went wrong. The shenanigans with your ex was the first. To be fair it reads more like being daft on your part than genuine betrayal by intent. So what's done is done, so learn from that first mistake and don't define the getting back if it happens by that mistake. She wont move beyond the bad stuff if you don't. Give her space.

dancesatnight

ages 21 and 27

dancesatnight

i just miss her so much i am finding it so hard to cope and all i want is to have her back in my life and my arms

dancesatnight

a month ago she said she loved me and i know she meant it im just hoping that a little time apart and me going to counselling to change my bad habits that things will hopefully go back to some thing better then before i dont mind working for something i really want

Wibbs

dancesatnight wrote: »

i just miss her so much i am finding it so hard to cope and all i want is to have her back in my life and my arms

Understandable, but resist the temptation to push this and resume contact. IMHO this will only drive her further away. EG you can tell her you love her until the cows come home, but deep down it doesn't matter. What I mean is a) she knows this, so it doesn't need repeating b) You loving her or not doesn't change what needs changing and c) for her the real question is "do I love him?". So do what you need to do for yourself(you mentioned counseling) to make yourself the best you can be. Not for her BTW, for you. If there is real affection deep down she will see this.

dancesatnight

she know im smitten with her and i think of her as my soul mate.

i guess your right all i can do its give her time and space and just chill on the mad thoughts running though my head. she know im going to counselling and turning over a new leaf. before she stopped talking to me she told me she was very proud of all the changes i was making. i was drinking way to much lieing about it which didnt help.not being the bloke she fell in love it.she told a friend of mine that she was getting p$%"ed off at me coz i was acting like i was walking on egg shells around her. she also said she doesnt trust me coz i didnt tell her about the kiss.there is a wedding coming up in november which all of us are going to which myself and she will be at i was going to not contact her if she doesnt contact me till the wedding which is over two day and hopfully ask her for a dance and just have a laugh with her like the old times. we were best friends and boy friend and girl friend which makes the whole thing alot harder.
i have no idea how she is coping with it all.the only thing i know is she is out on the razz every weekend.a fried told me one thing give up all hope and maybe when the time is right and the dust settles you two can start to put things back together. but in the back of my mind im not sure if she will want to talk to me again but she is still FB friends with me and in the same circle of friends and my mates are going out with her two step sisters.i was also told it could take 6 months to year or more to win her back. i know she does love me and her head is all over the camp and so is mine i guess only time will tell if she does love me and is willing to make another go of it.

Simi know it all

Well I don't know how old is your girlfriend, but I am assuming that she is in her twenty's...so remember all the girls in their twenty's they like bad boys....so if she doesn't like you to contact her and she wants space, let's give it to her.... don't cry, don't beg, stop reminding her that you are here in this world..... if she love you, she will get back to you, if she doesn't then that means you are not meant to be together.....more pressure you will put on her, more she'll take you for granted....after all, the crap you did is not bad (if you are honest) and if she can't over come that, then you know in future what you are not suppose to do...... I would forgive you....but I am not her....
Hope this help

dancesatnight

it does help coz i felt like the worst man in the world. ive funked other girl when ive been with other girls behind there backs but this time it was different and ive changed for the better because if it im a version 2.0 of me the non cheating good boy. im still inked quite abit and a bit unruley but i know when to fight my battles and when to give in. now ive grow so much the next girl i meet and fall for will have a great man not just a **** up with a good heart. im not saying now im perfect but im so much better then i was. i know what truely matters not just here for the ride

dancesatnight

it hurts so much i havent slept on her side of the bed since we broke up i took all the picture frames down off that had pictures of us and took off the ring she got me that i didnt take off once for the year we were together. i just dont understand why when things seemed to be getting back on track she flipped out and did a 180 and not doesnt want any contact what so ever.

yes she is in her early 20's im the older one

dancesatnight

how do i stop torturing my self with if's buts and maybe's ? is there a secert to this or just it takes time?

Ickle Magoo

dancesatnight, this is an advice forum; concisely post your issue and give posters the time and option to reply with their advice - this isn't a blog, please don't treat it as such or the thread will be locked.

dancesatnight

still havent heard anything now its been over 2 weeks any advice on what i should do?

Ickle Magoo

It is for posters to decide if they want to respond to requests for advice, you have already been given advice on this thread perhaps take that on board and if you need an outlet consider starting a blog or diary?

hbert

Might be time to let it go...

If she's going out every weekend is she also getting with other lads?

dancesatnight

yep it took her a week to get with a new lad who is the complete oppsite of me in every way. shes also tried to wreck her mates realtionship to!

my mate rang me to tell me he found out and thought it would be best to give me a heads up coz she seems to be either stringing me along or taking pity on me coz im a nice guy. she hasnt deleted me off face book or gchat which i thing is odd

hbert

She's probably stringing you along. I hate to say it.

You should delete her. Try and move on kid.