No interest in women after breakup

den87

Hey, just looking for a bit of advice really.

Here's the story from another thread i started

Was going out with a girl for 4.5 years, living together about 6 months and about 4 months ago she said she wanted a break to "be on her own", so we took a break for a week but we were back together as she said she made a mistake, that she'd cheated on me and wanted to give us another go, I was very happy when we got back together but then found out she'd been texting another fella "as friends", stupidly i believed her.

Then about 3 weeks ago, she said she wanted to be on her own again so we broke up but promised to remain friends. Afterwards i found out that she had planned to meet up with 3 fellas and i spotted her yesterday in the car with another fella, it killed me, i didnt think she'd move on so fast. I thought i was over it but yesterday just crushed me. We work together so it makes things way worse, i've been chatting to her since we broke up and we've met up a few times, but its not the same, i dont want to be just friends.

Things have changed in last few weeks, ive gotten over break up and we're civil towards each other in work. We had a work night out last weekend and she told me she doesnt see me "that way" anymore. Which im cool with.

My problem lately is, i have absolutely zero interest in girls at the moment, none. Is this normal?? I've talked to a few girls and had a kiss with one of them. But other than that i've no interest at all.

Just want to know is this normal and if its happened to anyone else??

Thanks in advance

floorpie

Normal. But just so you know, because if you're confused about this you're going to be confused at a few stages in the future, when you say you've "gotten over the breakup", you haven't. You're at the very start of just beginning to get over it, and the process will probably last at least a few months; more than 4 weeks anyway. But it's good that it's starting.

I could be wrong, but that's my experience of the same 'disinterest'.

tallaghtmick

100% normal,you've had your heart broken so its why you dont wanna get involved again for a while,I was there myself took me a year to move on.

floorpie

Just to add, with you working with her, it's going to be very important that you strike out of the 'relationship identity' mode and start doing stuff for yourself, like if you aren't in any clubs think about joining some, if you have hobbies you've always wanted to start, start some, etc etc etc.

den87

floorpie wrote: »

Normal. But just so you know, because if you're confused about this you're going to be confused at a few stages in the future, when you say you've "gotten over the breakup", you haven't. You're at the very start of just beginning to get over it, and the process will probably last at least a few months; more than 4 weeks anyway. But it's good that it's starting.

I could be wrong, but that's my experience of the same 'disinterest'.

Ya you're probably right about starting to get over the breakup, i understand that it'll take a while.

I am a friend

I think its wiser to spend some time on your own after a traumatic relationship.

Abi

I am a friend wrote: »

I think its wiser to spend some time on your own after a traumatic relationship.

Definitely. Give yourself some time OP, it's probably too soon to be looking for another partner. You need some down time to recover from this.

Distorted

Normal and pretty sensible I think. Take time to regroup, think about what you're looking for in a girlfriend, and time to yourself and doing the stuff you enjoy. Far better than being desperate not to be single, hence lurching from one unsuitable relationship to another without really thinking about it. Although try to avoid falling into the trap of being too fussy!

pilph

tallaghtmick wrote: »

100% normal,you've had your heart broken so its why you dont wanna get involved again for a while,I was there myself took me a year to move on.

Agree 100% with this chap. Broke up with someone I love after 3 years there about 6 weeks ago. I think it will be anything from 6-12 months before I can even think of anyone else but we are all different.

A bit if time out won't kill you, relax, the interest will come back soon.

discus

den87 wrote: »

Ya you're probably right about starting to get over the breakup, i understand that it'll take a while.

It will, and best of luck with it mate. Try not to let her make her way into your life again, you should have more dignitiy than that! Best of luck from a fellow boardsie who can't move on.

den87

Thanks for the advice guys. Much appreciated.

It will, and best of luck with it mate. Try not to let her make her way into your life again, you should have more dignitiy than that! Best of luck from a fellow boardsie who can't move on.

Thanks. She wont be getting that far into my life again. Just as work colleagues. Hope you can move on

Wompa1

den87 wrote: »

Thanks for the advice guys. Much appreciated.



Thanks. She wont be getting that far into my life again. Just as work colleagues. Hope you can move on

On the plus side she was a cheater and manipulator...now that's some other poor guys problem. Bullet dodged. I'm in a place where I have no interest in women either which has funnily ended up with more interest from women. When girls come up to talk to me I tell huge stupid lies to entertain myself and my friend. Told a group of girls I ran a funeral home, told another one my fathers funeral was today etc. It can be pretty liberating when you don't care.

Glitter

Perfectly normal. It took me thirteen months to look at another woman after a serious relationship in my mid twenties ended.

den87

Been talking to another girl who's in a similar situation as myself and she says she goes on dates and has even got a new male friend who she goes to the cinema and stuff with since she broke up with her fella. Surely this makes things worse no?? Or do women act differently?? I only ask just cos im interested in if my ex would be doing the same.

discus

den87 wrote: »

Been talking to another girl who's in a similar situation as myself and she says she goes on dates and has even got a new male friend who she goes to the cinema and stuff with since she broke up with her fella. Surely this makes things worse no?? Or do women act differently?? I only ask just cos im interested in if my ex would be doing the same.

Everyone is different man. But having an ex move on so quickly can mess with you, making your time to heal longer!

I don't want to generalise for fear of a woman biting my head off, but I find that while it seems from the outside that women can "move on" faster, they really haven't. It's just that women get "hit on" and asked out more often than men, and so are more likely to have someone on their arm sooner. The dazzle of a rebound may seem great, but it's probably far emptier than what you guys had... Which is probably what she wants, pure non-commital fun.