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First time sex with new BF who has a mental block

  • 17-10-2011 06:37PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi you guys, going unregged for this one.

    I have started dating a new guy and we have been together a little over 2 months now. We havent had sex yet but we have done everything else and I was worried/wondering about the lack of progress. He told me about how his first time/his fgirlfriend were so bad (when he was 19) and since then he has had a mental block about doing it. He is 23 and I am 28.

    Luckily anyway we have talked it out over the past few weeks to the point where hs is now ready for action!! But he still has that block and I just want some advice.

    (1) I dont want to feel like I am pushing him but should I be the one to go out and get the condoms and initiate things on the night? I was slow to do this until he told me he was ready but I feel the block might still prevent him from actually doing this as he could just keep putting it off. (on a side note, I have been more than generous in giving him oral sex so the wanting/needing an orgasm is being satisified so that is another reason why he may not feel too hurried in having full sex).
    (2) We are going on holidays soon and he hinted it would be nice to do it there for the first time. I totally disagree because the first time will be awkward and dodgy anyway and I dont want him going into the holiday feeling pressure on. I am more inclined for a random night, after a nice dinner at his house kind of thing (no candels and pettals and all that pallarva!) Opinions???
    (3) I am older and more experienced than him and I think this is part of the block too, that he wont satisfy me. I really dont care because his enthusiasm and energy will make it for it plus I know there will be fun in learning! Im excited but he doesnt believe me. I have never taken the lead in sex that much before (I haev usually dated older men) so it will be slightly out of my comfort zone. How can I take the lead without dominating things and feel like I am ordering him around. Should I tell him that I am a bit nervous too, would that make him feel more at ease?

    I am really excited to finally have sex as I really like this boyo. I have never waited so long before and I know it will be dodgy starting off but fun in the long run! So all opinions and advice are welcome!!!


Comments

  • #2
    rhapsody
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 449 ✭✭rhapsody


    Hi Op,

    As a recent first-timer myself I cant advise on this too much, other than to agree with point 2. I thought I wanted my first time to be on a 'special' night, but since it happened, I'm glad it was just another night, because it was a surprise (the suggestion), I wasn't thinking about it all that day, stressing etc. I was apprehensive enough during, if I'd been expecting it all day I'd have given myself a heart attack! I would treat this as almost his first time (again!). He may prefer to 'see it coming', it might help him get his head around it; I'm just going on how it was for me.

    OleMiss wrote: »


    (2) We are going on holidays soon and he hinted it would be nice to do it there for the first time. I totally disagree because the first time will be awkward and dodgy anyway and I dont want him going into the holiday feeling pressure on. I am more inclined for a random night, after a nice dinner at his house kind of thing (no candels and pettals and all that pallarva!) Opinions???
    (3) I am older and more experienced than him and I think this is part of the block too, that he wont satisfy me. I really dont care because his enthusiasm and energy will make it for it plus I know there will be fun in learning! Im excited but he doesnt believe me. I have never taken the lead in sex that much before (I haev usually dated older men) so it will be slightly out of my comfort zone. How can I take the lead without dominating things and feel like I am ordering him around. Should I tell him that I am a bit nervous too, would that make him feel more at ease?

    I am really excited to finally have sex as I really like this boyo. I have never waited so long before and I know it will be dodgy starting off but fun in the long run! So all opinions and advice are welcome!!!

    Re point 3, tell him your last paragraph; its special for you both & you're looking forward to it.

    Wishing you well :)


  • #3
    Soul Stretcher
    Closed Accounts Posts: 153 ✭✭Soul Stretcher


    Just a thought.. please ignore if it sounds stupid..

    but maybe cut down on the amount of oral sex you give him so maybe some sexual frustration will build on his part. Then one night when you're making out in the leaba after a meal and a drink, just produce a condom from your pocket/handbag - after you have him revved up by kissing/fondling/undressing etc.

    Once ye actually have sex, hopefully this mental block will be history.

    I'd reckon dat might work. Well it would for me ! :D

    Good Luck & have fun !!


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