Girl Im seeing wants to get hair cropped.... which turns me off

RacerF1

I'm only starting out with a new girl but things are going well. She goes to me the other day that she is going to get her hair cropped. I went 'ok cool'.. not really knowing what it meant! I went online recently and found what it was... EEK. It TOTALLY turns me off. I NEVER was physically attracted to any women or any woman with short cropped hair. Im afraid this will completely turn me off her. I love the way her hair is now, she's perfect the way she is! I used to really like Victoria Becham physically but then she got her hair cropped, it just completely turned me off her utterly..

I know its so superficial but physically it does absolutely nothing for me and you need that in a relationship, especially a new one. I cant exactly tell her not to do it as I have absolutely no right to, but how can i even tell her that it turns me off without coming across as an idiot. I just want to make her aware that it turns me off, I dont want to tell her to not do something!

RhubarbCrumble

Well firstly it's your girlfriends hair and it's up to her to do what she wants with it. I'm afraid you don't have any say there.
Secondly, if you're afraid of your feelings for her changing just because she changes her hairstyle, maybe you need to rethink the relationship.

Virgil°

Fairly simple one IMO. You can tell her exactly what you said here. I.e that you love her hair the way it is now and that cropped hair does nothing for you.
You can't of course tell her what to do but that doesn't mean you have to approve of everything she does.
This way she can do what she likes knowing fully the potential implications of what she does(you probably wont find her as attractive as you do now). Neither of you would be in the wrong here tbh.

discus

RhubarbCrumble wrote: »

Well firstly it's your girlfriends hair and it's up to her to do what she wants with it. I'm afraid you don't have any say there.

Well, he may not have a say, but if I was making a big change to my physical appearance, I would run it past my girlfriend beforehand.

Secondly, if you're afraid of your feelings for her changing just because she changes her hairstyle, maybe you need to rethink the relationship.

I don't agree at all. Most of us (I'm here) look at our partners - particularly in the opening phase of a relationship - as very attractive beings. Physical attraction is at it's strongest then. If one goes and changes a huge aspect of that, the beholder may well find the lack of hair as something which makes one unattractive.

Miss Fluff

Tell her you don't like short hair on women, it's up to her then to do what she wishes with that information but at least you will have said it to her. Better be honest....

beks101

Yeah just say it to her, short hair does nothing for you.

I suspect you'll get a fair bit of abuse about being superficial, immature etc etc, but you don't really get to control attraction IME and there's no point pretending otherwise. Don't feel bad, you know your likes and dislkes, better to make her aware so it won't be a complete bolt out of the blue if you do end up walking away.

ash23

Id say it to her. Also bear in mind that if she has looooong hair, her saying she is getting it cropped might mean up to her shoulders. I'm always letting my hair grow, cutting it, letting it grow etc and I always say "I'm getting my hair all chopped off this weekend" but I don't mean I'm doing a posh or britney spears on it.
Just ask her how short she intends going and if she means really short, just tell her you like her hair long and don't find the short look attractive.
She'll probably still do it but at least you've mentioned it.

Distorted

You come across as quite controlling, not least because this is a new relationship and all you are concerend about is how this will affect you, not what your girlfriend wants. And you are trying to control something which has not even happened yet, rather than simply reacting. So maybe thats something you should be aware of - that you are wanting to control someone else's appearance.

By all means mention this physical preference of yours, but don't complain if she finds control freakery an even greater turn off and dumps you. To the poster who said cutting your hair is a major physical change, I think you should get things in perspective - its hair, not losing a limb, a scar, putting on kilos of weight or not looking after your cleanliness.

Of course, there is always the possiblity that your girlfriend is one of those elfin faced girls who will really suit it and possibly look better with it. Alternatively, her hair may be in bad condition and she needs to cut it to help it grow, or she is fed up with long hair (having your head pinned back every time your hair gets caught in something can be painful), or she simply wants short hair, because its her head, her body and her choice.

R.D. aka MR.D

You can tell her your feelings but you don't know how you will feel when it happens!!! my ex had long hair for the first 6 months when we were together and then one day he arrives with his hair shaved up military style!!! I was knocked over, he looked so different! i hated it! but it grew on me and from then on i hated when his hair was longer and would pester him to get it shaved up!!!

So you never know until it happens and you could grow to love it!!

Eve_Dublin

No advice but just to say that short hair can look really sexy on a woman if she has a pretty face to pull it off but I think you chose a bad example...Victoria Beckham didn't look good with cropped hair...she had it all spikey and overly styled. Plus you're taking a style from the 1990s that looks dated now. Most women who get their hair cropped go for something much more natural and because so few women have the balls to do it, you've only got a few women to go on...and you've picked the worst example, in my opinion. Have a look at photos of Michelle Williams with short hair, for example. Gorgeous.

To be honest, any woman with the balls to do it would be attractive to me (if I fancied women) as it's so against the conventional image of beauty we have. I think it says a lot about someone whose willing to do that in this day and age and my respect for her would go up, in fact. I'd find her even more attractive.

puffin24

I wouldnt agree with the opinion that the op must be shallow or something for worrying about this. I can imagine what my reaction would be if my boyfriend decided to grow his hair long at the back and braid it into a lovely rats tail. Should I say- "honey its your body and Ill love you no matter what" or should I tell him- "PLEASE NO!!"
I know this is different because yours is a new relationship, but you should at least let her know youre not too fond of short hair on girls. But at the end of the day, its up to her. You can always buy her some nice hats

LegacyUser

Well man I don't envy you for being in this situation. You're in a bit of a loose/loose scenario as I see it. Either your girlfriend cuts her hair and you become significantly less attracted to her or you tell her how you feel and risk coming across as superficial and controlling and risk jepordising the relationship in it's early stages.

I've been in this exact situation before. About a year ago my girlfriend decided to get her hair cut very short. We had only been going out a few months. I let her know that I wasn't happy with her plans. Her hair was her most striking feature and short hair is a turn off for me. She laughed this off and was completely dismissive (and somewhat contemptuous) about my fellings. Long story short, the haircut made a dramatic change to her appearance for the worst. I just did not find her attractive anymore, full stop. We ended up breaking up shortly after and I will confess that her appearance was a major factor in this for me. We ended up getting back together eventually and we're still going out but it took a long time for us to put that episode fully behind us.

When I say the title of you post I knew you were going to be told 'its her hair she can do what she likes with it, you're views don't matter' etc etc. I appreciate where these views are coming from but what I don't think a lot of women fully appreciate is what a huge huge difference short hair can make to a woman's appearance. An girl's looks can be completely butchered as a result (examples that spring to mind from the celeb world would be the girl from harry potter and Rosie from coronartion st). This is a view that would be shared by an awful lot of men. I know some people do not like hearing this but I'm just telling it like it is here. Of course you might hear a lot of women saying that the aforementioned women are totally goooooorgeous etc but, with respect, they're really not in the best position to judge what is physically attractive!!

I will always run any changes in my appearance past my girlfriend. They way I see it, she is a major stakeholder in my appearance. She's the one who has to look at my big head every morning! I've wanted to grow a beard before for example, she said she doesn't like beards. I weighed up the slight pleasure I might get from having a beard against how she felt about it and decided not to proceed. Bit of a no brainer.

As regards what you should do: You got to let her know man. You're going to have to try & not to come across as too controling and that could be difficult. Just get the information to her then *step away* and let her make her own decision. If you really can't stand how she looks afterwards, which is a big possibility, just be patient and don't make any hasty decisions.

good luck

Distorted

A girl at the on the treadmill at the gym tonight with short blond hair and shorts and a tan was certainly getting plenty of admiring glances and being chatted up...I'm struggling to see the massive problem here. Talk about making a problem out of nothing. Seems a bit Victorian to suggest that girls should look a certain traditional way with long hair (and I speak as the owner of long blond hair myself so I'm not biased).

Faith

My boyfriend has lovely hair that I adore, but he often jokes that he's going to shave it off because it annoys him. To be honest, I waste no time telling him not to do it under any circumstances! It wouldn't suit him, I wouldn't be attracted to him, and it'd be an awful mistake.

It's tricky for you because it's a new relationship, but I'd advocate telling her casually that you think she'd look much better keeping her hair as it is. I know that I always want to look attractive for my boyfriend, so when he compliments me on something, I start doing that thing more often - whether it's wearing certain clothes, or curling my hair, or whatever.

I am a friend

Ah will ye quit shooting the guy for having a preference!! I personally think very few girls can carry off short hair and think the whole Rhianna do is very tacky - each to their own....

Op see what it's like when it's done and of you don't fancy her after then you just don't - no harm done. I think it would be worse to try and stop her getting it cut as it could seem very controlling.

Simi know it all

you are banana head....if you can't be honest now, when will you be????????

Miss25

Distorted wrote: »

A girl at the on the treadmill at the gym tonight with short blond hair and shorts and a tan was certainly getting plenty of admiring glances and being chatted up...I'm struggling to see the massive problem here. Talk about making a problem out of nothing. Seems a bit Victorian to suggest that girls should look a certain traditional way with long hair (and I speak as the owner of long blond hair myself so I'm not biased).

You would probably look great great with cropped hair, you should try it.

Miss25

RacerF1 wrote: »

I'm only starting out with a new girl but things are going well. She goes to me the other day that she is going to get her hair cropped. I went 'ok cool'.. not really knowing what it meant! I went online recently and found what it was... EEK. It TOTALLY turns me off. I NEVER was physically attracted to any women or any woman with short cropped hair. Im afraid this will completely turn me off her. I love the way her hair is now, she's perfect the way she is! I used to really like Victoria Becham physically but then she got her hair cropped, it just completely turned me off her utterly..

I know its so superficial but physically it does absolutely nothing for me and you need that in a relationship, especially a new one. I cant exactly tell her not to do it as I have absolutely no right to, but how can i even tell her that it turns me off without coming across as an idiot. I just want to make her aware that it turns me off, I dont want to tell her to not do something!

You have every right to have an opinion and to voice it. Tell her and if she doesn't like it or goes mad at you for voicing it, you will learn a lot about her at this early stage.

parrai

Did you ever think she might be testing your affection for her? One thing about the ladies, next to their shoes, they love their hair...

Besides if you like her that much, and are attracted to her that much, you will be happy with whatever decision she makes regarding her hair!!

I think it a little pre-emptive of you to decide before anything happens... Make your feelings known but be tactful about it... just don't go, "If you cut your hair i'm outta here!!"

johnr1

Simi know it all wrote: »

you are banana head....if you can't be honest now, when will you be????????

Jeez, we're all banana heads tonight it appears

Op, as a guy who has formerly come up against this, - this is a no win for you. If you try to change her preferred appearance, and in this case no change = you changing her appearance, you will come across as controlling, and rightly so, cos it's one of the first things controlling guys do.
I'm not suggesting you are, but that is how it's going to be perceived, - look at some of the responses here already.
The only thing you can do, is let her know -once, not 10 times that you find her current hairstyle very attractive, and don't really find short cropped hair that attractive. Then leave it.
If she goes ahead, wait and see how it turns out, and wait a bit to see if you get used to it or not. If it's that much of a turn off, bail. End of.

Distorted and Eve Dublin, it's not relevant what you or I or anyone else thinks is attractive in women's appearance, and citing examples of pretty women with short hair isnt going to change what the Op finds attractive. He's as entitled to his view of what he finds attractive as the rest of us.

If we all liked the same things/traits/appearance, most of us would be disappointed.

Taltos

Simi know it all wrote: »

you are banana head..

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Taltos

Eric Cartman

Mate i can entirley understand , im not one to care too much about looks but like some people with tattoos , fake tan , piercings etc... Its the one hangup I have , no matter the girl , hair cut above the chin or worn up is just not attractive to me , doesnt help that its all the rage now

Obviously you cant control her , but perhaps suggest to her that you like her looking the way she is , and tell her using others as an example , for instance just drop in "i dont know why rihanna etc.. Cut her hair , looked far better before" into general conversation

Neyite

I think purely because the relationship is too new, it could be taken badly if you object - you really need to be careful how you phrase it. maybe something like: "I really love your long hair, It was one of the first things I noticed about you, I think it would be a shame to cut it, but its your hair, and your choice."