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New guy, new places, guilt toward ex?

  • 17-10-2011 10:52am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Currently for the past month have been seeing someone new. He's exotic, foreign, interesting and has an amazing personality. I've never been more relaxed with a guy before.

    I'm out of a relationship since July (2.5yr, no major commitments no house etc just apartment lease - already up). But keep contact with my ex. It was his fault we broke up, for a combination of reasons and things that he wouldn't do to help the situation. So any time I see him he plays this "victim" and "i'm so torn up but looking at leaving the country cause you won't come back to me"-act.

    I am happy and excited about this new thing, but I'm not investing everything in it because I don't know how the other guy feels about me but we are being very casual and it's very nice. It's a no-pressure situation, where I don't have to justify myself if I don't contact him for an entire day or whatever. We're planning to go away for a weekend this/next month, or maybe a week in the sun if we can afford it. But for some reason, I keep feeling like I'm doing something wrong by being happy.

    Is this normal and can I just let is pass? I dislike feeling guilty when I feel happy.


Comments

  • #2
    floorpie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,490 ✭✭✭floorpie


    jumpingthegun wrote: »
    Currently for the past month have been seeing someone new. I've never been more relaxed with a guy before.

    It's a no-pressure situation, where I don't have to justify myself if I don't contact him for an entire day or whatever.

    Eh i don't really have much advice except to say, of course it's going to be more relaxed and no-pressure after just a month, compared to a 2.5 year relationship. And in any relationship i've been in which has gotten past the initial stage, it's been completely normal to explain why you didn't contact the other person for a day.

    So enjoy your happiness, ignore the guilt, enjoy it for what it is now, because no relationship is going to stay being all weeks-in-the-sun and casualness.

    Without being too presumptuous, you probably have a bit of mental clearing out to do after a relatively involved relationship, the guilt being one manifestation of that.


  • #3
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    You owe your ex nothing. Why are you in contact with one another? You do need to distance yourself from your ex in order to give this new guy a proper chance. It is only very early days but it won't flourish in the way it possibly could if there's a "ghost" of an ex hanging around the place.


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