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So frustrated

  • 17-10-2011 12:06am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I have been with my boyfriend about 8 months now and everything is going great except for one thing...our sex life (or lack thereof).

    When we first got together it was always him who initiated sex. This seemed to die down a bit after a couple of months making me really frustrated. I haven't changed physically in any way. I copped onto myself & realised that it shouldn't be up to him all the time to initiate things so I started myself.

    Fast forward a few more months, we are seeing each other more often and it feels like it's me who has to initiate about 80% of the time. There's more and more days where I hold back from making a move just to see if he will but he rarely does, and I'm becoming more and more frustrated. I feel like a total perve for feeling angry and upset over this and it has started to affect my mood with him. I have quite a high sex drive and could go at it a few times a day, but he seems content with once every few days. I haven't brought up the subject with him which I know is stupid...but I'm just not sure how to.

    I'm beginning to think we're just not that well suited, even though the thoughts of ending it scares the hell out of me. Has anyone ever experienced this kind of problem? Is it a lost cause? Is there anyway to higher someones sex drive or should I just accept it and give up & move on?

    Thanks for any advice.


Comments

  • #2
    floorpie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,490 ✭✭✭floorpie


    Not initiating/withholding/rationing of sex is something which will build resentment in a relationship really really quickly. If he was having sex at first, while having to initiate every time, he might still be resentful as sunflower said. If that's the case, you'll have to renegotiate your sex life in some way and start from a blank slate so that you both know each others true current sex drive without a 'punishment' aspect getting in the way, i.e. talk about it.
    I have quite a high sex drive and could go at it a few times a day, but he seems content with once every few days
    This sounds like most men's dream, but just one dry boring point that nobody seems to know/care about. Just because a man *can* have sex several times a day, doesn't mean it's healthy. His 'once every few days' is far more healthy for him, if you're expecting him to orgasm every time, than once or twice a day. I saw a study a few weeks ago (i'm trying to find it now) that was monitoring the quality/motility/count of mens sperm from a point where their sperm was completely depleted until it was back to normal (this scared the sh*t out of me btw). To deplete the mens sperm, they had them orgasm twice a day for five days (depleted that quickly?! :/ ). And after SIX MONTHS of normal rates of orgasming their sperm wasn't back to normal. People might think 'yeah but i know this guy who could go 20 times a day every day for blah blah blah'...it's possible but not healthy.

    Eh my point is, he could be the fittest guy in the world, but ejaculatory intercourse too often will eventually exhaust him (not in an overtly physical sense), so vary your sex life from just humping til orgasm, if you haven't already.
    Is there anyway to higher someones sex drive or should I just accept it and give up & move on?
    I know how much of a downer it can be in your situation, but you are going to find that throughout your life (i don't mean to sound condescending) your sex drive will through highs and lows. And if you're with a partner, theirs will do the same, which makes it even more difficult trying to get to a point where you're both at a high period. You're going to have to get used to that though and not have your solution being to move on. Of course if you're both 19 or something that might be different.


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