Can you "decide" to have a girlfriend?

LegacyUser

I'm a 38-year old guy, single, no strings attached, good enough job and a likeable enough (if quiet) personality.
I was happy enough being single up until recently but now I'm not. Just wondering is it something people think you can be pro-active about or does it happen by accident?
Some guys I know have had success with this stalking/badgering approach which surprised me because I've always been lead to believe women hate this.
I haven't had much success with the ladies as I haven't been going out much in the last few years because of other issues. I've started to hit the clubs and pubs recently and have joined in a few social groups as well.
I want to meet someone but at the same time if I make platonic female friends then that's great too.
I'm not the best talker or very witty. I have a sense of humour but I need the other person to make an effort too. My advancing age is a problem too I suppose, even though everyone tells me I look like a fella in my twenties.
I have been making an effort, I am out of practise. That makes it sound like a task or a game I know but sadly for single Irish fellas this is what it actually is on the dating scene in this country (no I don't want to turn this into a woman-bashing thread).

dory

I think you can, although you're right, in general badgering is annoying!

You can decide to get fit, wear nice clothes, whiten your teeth- all that stuff that might be important for initial impressions.
You can decide to put yourself in situations where you may meet new people and start talking to women.
You can then decide to go up to one lady and ask her out.

So although you can't outside say, 'I pick.....YOU!' you can make the odds of finding someone better.

greenprincess

Yes I think you can decide to look for a relationship. Just make sure you dont end up in the wrong one just because you want a girlfriend.
Good Luck

LegacyUser

To answer your question - Absolutely NOT

A man doesn't choose a woman, a woman chooses a man; so the best you can do is be the best damn appealing man you can be in every sense.

In short that means being kind, generous (but not a pushover) thoughtful, a good listner and have a good sense of humor. Oh and a job is essential ro failing that at least some kind of ambition.

Good luck.

Wibbs

dory wrote: »

I think you can, although you're right, in general badgering is annoying!

You can decide to get fit, wear nice clothes, whiten your teeth- all that stuff that might be important for initial impressions.
You can decide to put yourself in situations where you may meet new people and start talking to women.
You can then decide to go up to one lady and ask her out.

So although you can't outside say, 'I pick.....YOU!' you can make the odds of finding someone better.

This pretty much. I'd disagree with foxy101 when they say it's down to the woman's choice(though a common belief). It very much depends on the individual situation. It can be the man, the woman or mutual. As dory said the better you present yourself and the better life you have in general, the more "choice" you have in a given situation. Men with more going on have more choices.

greenprincess wrote: »

Yes I think you can decide to look for a relationship. Just make sure you dont end up in the wrong one just because you want a girlfriend.

This in a big way and an easy trap to fall into.

LegacyUser

Think foxy101 may have slightly misunderstood what I meant. When I say that someone says "OK, I've decided to get a a girlfriend" in the same way as someone would say "I've decided to buy a new car" then that doesn't mean you pick one girl and say "OK you're the one for me and you're going to be my girlfriend without any choice for you in it".
I mean can you put it before yourself to find one, not just focussing on one individual in particular.