Feel like such a bad mother...

LegacyUser

I have no motivation, no get up and go. I just end up in my house all day becsause 1. I couldnt be bothered getting ready and getting the baby ready to go for a walk or something,as theres not much else you can do with a young baby and 2. My day doesnt seem to start untill late afternoon or evening.
I feel like such a bad mother, but i dont know how to change things. And before anyone suggests i have post natal despression, i dont as i was like this before the baby was born. I just have a total lack of motivation and it makes me feel so useless that i cant get up and do simple every day things.
Its like every night i have all these great plans for the next day like il get up early, go here and do this etc, but when the morning comes i just end up staying in bed and letting my partner get up with the baby. Then when i do get up at mid day or often later i feel like **** for staying in bed that long and do be angry so that puts a bad start to my day. I just dont know how to change things and i know i cant go on like this.
I feel so bad that we dont even have a routine in the house, i want better for my baby but just cant seem to stick to any plans i make.
Any advice please.

tenchi-fan

I don't have a baby and when I'm not working I'm equally lazy!
Why not arrange to meet other mothers and go for a coffee or to the park? Also ask for your partner's support in getting a bit of a routine. He could mind the baby while you get up and showered and dressed, or give you a lift to where you'd like to go.

qwertytlk

Hi,
i just had a baby myself a few months ago and he is my first so its kind of hard to know what to expect and it takes a while to start to be able to plan things and then actually do them. As you know any number of things can happpen on a daily basis to change the whole course of your day!
Why not write out a timetable/routine and just try your best to stick to it. Get to bed as early as possible so you can get as good a nights sleep as possible (hard when baby is waking up at night) so then you wont be so tired in the morning and need to lie in.
I know theres not much you can do with a small baby but even if it is just a case of going for a walk, then my advice woud be to do it as its better than sitting in all day.
The exercise and fresh air will o you the world of good.
Good luck with everything and try not to be so down about it, motherhood is demanding and if its your first baby your bound to be a bit all over the place. I know i was/still am sometimes!

voxpop

Get up early,im talking half eight or nine. If you are up and sitting around,quickly you will get very bored and want to head out. walk around the block ir to the park or where ever, anywhere is great.get involved with local parents with young kids if you can. Everyone is in the same postion as you.

LegacyUser

First of all.....forget what anyone else is doing or saying.

Other people are just that, other people. They won't be there to help you if you need them, therefore you need to get your own family in order first.

I think you're procrastinating...staying in bed too late.

Don't think so far ahead. Just get up at 8. Stick on the tv....Daybreak is on then, usually good for a laugh.

Make yourself a coffee or tea, have a bit of breakfast. Open the backdoor and see what the weather's like. This will have a big bearing on the rest of the day!

Your baby won't care where they are...they only want to be with Mam or Dad, so there's nothing wrong there.

Stop beating yourself up. Get up and go with the flow....whatever takes your fancy, or not as the case may be!

Good luck!

Big Bag of Chips

Stop making "all these great plans"... just make 1 plan!

1 plan for tomorrow - dress everyone before 10:30, yourself included

That's it just that. Before going to bed lay out all the clothes for tomorrow. So that when you get up, it's easy do dress them.

Get yourself into a routine - but start small. If you make "all these great plans" it's too much, and it becomes overwhelming. Even if the plan is just get up, get breakfast, get washed and dressed and get out somewhere, it all seems to much.

So start with 1 plan. Do this for a few days until it becomes your routine.. then add another part to the routine get dressed before 10:30, and go to park/shops/town etc..

If you have a day where the routine breaks, don't worry. Just start again the next day.

I heard a phrase one time that I try live by.. don't do 1 thing 100% better, do all things 1% better.

Small steps. Small plans.

Siuin

Sounds like you just need to get into a routine. I babysat for a woman who was brilliant with this- she would get up at 8am no matter what, got herself and the baby dressed and fed, didn't turn on the TV as a matter of principle until the afternoon at the earliest (it's too tempting to laze around in front of daytime tv all morning) and she would go out for walks, meet up with friends, go shopping, pick up some books in the library, go baking etc. I was in awe of her, but she explained quite simply that it's all too easy to get stuck in a rut and become depressed if you just have a long day of nothingness ahead of you.
Take it one step at a time, but always get dressed and make yourself presentable every day- it'll simply make you feel better in yourself.

yogalady

hi there

I got into same routine few years ago when wasn't working. I would stay in bed half the day and feel awful but just couldn't break the cycle. One thing that I found that did change things was that I would arrange to meet someone everyday for lunch or just a coffee and a chat at lunch time. Lunch time for most people is anytime from 12 to 2pm. It forced me to be up and ready to leave the house by then. It worked becaused I enjoyed getting out and meeting another adult and having chat. Doesn't have to cost alot just price of a cup of tea and once I got out of the house i got other things done.Just a suggestion.i know it harder with a baby but it might work one or two days in the week. good luck with it