I don't like nightclubs...

LegacyUser

I decided to put this up anonymously because I always feel embarrassed about this kind of stuff.

Okay so here's the thing, I've started college in UCD this year. I'm going into week 6 and for the most part it's been going okay and I've made a good few friends. The problem I have is that most people seem to be better friends with each other than they are with me and I still don't feel part of any "group" or anything like I did in school before. I feel like this is mostly due to the lack of stuff I do in the evenings. The only thing anyone seems to do to have fun after college is going to nightclubs and this bothers me a lot.

Whenever I go to one, I feel really awkward. I'm not good at dancing (I don't drink to make me stop caring about this), I find it annoying that I can't talk to anyone properly and it's not generally uplifting to see every guy around you seemingly getting with a girl and being left out.

In an ordinary environment (like in college during the day or anywhere more relaxed) I'm fine. I'm not exactly shy, perhaps a little too far the other way and I have no problem talking to complete strangers and meeting new people. I just don't feel like this is enough really.

I've told most of my friends that I'm not into nightclubs and such and they accept it. They try to get me to come along sometimes but in a friendly way. I don't really blame them since I don't expect everyone's evenings to revolve around me. Also, it seems like going to nightclubs make up most of the "events" organised by societies and class reps. I guess a lot of people are able to unwind in places like this but it's the polar opposite for me, I completely tighten up and just feel totally out of place.

Is there any way I can deal with this problem? I don't want to go through the next 5 years like this feeling like a recluse and a party pooper. Does all this weekly going out to nightclubs slow down when the novelty of freedom wears off?

Oh and btw, I have joined a bunch of clubs and societies. I go to the clubs every week although I've only started recently. I haven't gone to any societies yet though.

A0

Do whatever YOU like and not what others like. You're going to University to study and, may be, have better job opportunities, not to please a bunch of people willing to party. My way of having fun was to train 6 days a week, we are all different...

LegacyUser

I know I'm here to study, but we're all constantly being told that college is about having fun and that it's a huge social experience. I do get where your coming from though.

parker kent

Go to the societies and try to meet like-minded people. There are plenty of people in college that will dislike night clubs. It is only week 6 so there is no need to panic. The great thing about college is that there will be so many people with various interests and tastes.

You'll also probably find that many going to the nightclubs don't like them as well (not all of course, there are many, many people that genuinely love night clubs). They just go because they think you should. They may come round to your way of thinking in future.

But the big thing is to try and use the many ways you have to meet people. But don't unduly worry!

LegacyUser

I hate them too. Haven't been to a night club with my class since i started college 2 years ago and like you said, they all starting getting along much quicker. I'd rather go for a meal or for a quiet drink, but thats not their "scene" i suppose.

Siuin

I completely agree with Parker Kent.
I was in the EXACT same situation last year (also in UCD) and I'd really advise you to get involved with societies. I don't drink and hate clubs, and it can be difficult to find others who are like minded, but don't try to force yourself to enjoy these things because, tbh, I don't see what there is to miss about having to take care of a puking friend all night or standing around in too-high stilettos. I joined a few societies are am really loving it- I finally found people with similar interests whose social lives don't revolve around clubbing and drinking, and I find that it's much easier to make friends with a smaller group where everyone's able to hear eachother.
Don't worry about what all those other people are up to, there's a place for everyone in college and I found that it takes a couple of months to really find your niche.

Firetrap

Siuin wrote: »

Don't worry about what all those other people are up to, there's a place for everyone in college and I found that it takes a couple of months to really find your niche.

That's what I found when I was at college. I hated nightclubs then and I hate them now. I went out to them at the start because I felt I had to. Thankfully then I somehow found myself with a group of like-minded friends who weren't into that sort of thing.

The first few weeks of college can be like one big blow-out for some people anyway. It's usually their first time away from home, away from their parents and they suddenly can do what they want. Things can calm down when people have to start studying and doing actual work.

How do you feel about pubs rather than night clubs? How about inviting some of your friends for a few post-lecture drinks in the SU bar or somewhere nearby?

kjl

Join a debating society, they have regular speaker and after people have a quite drink reception where it's a great place to mingle.

Perhaps in time you could even join in on the debates.

DB10

Feel like I wrote the OP myself! I'm also finding it hard, I've a close group of friends at home, none of them really at my college. I drink as much as the next guy, actually was trying to cut down so a bad time for starting college

Anyway I'm a pub man myself, I just like the quietness of it and the fact you can talk and have the craic. I hate nightclubs as well, although I always end up in them. Just hate it, I find you have to be really drunk to stick them and they are the main place you end up in danger of getting in a fight, unlike most pubs.

Anyway at college with me nobody wants to go to pub as far as I can see. It's just cans in houses and then nightclub. I just go along with it because its either that or stay in, and I'm trying my best to do it to make friends. Actually hate college tbh but I'm gonna give it my best shot and see what happens. I dread coming back on Sundays and cant wait to leave.

Clubs and Socs has came and went for me, not alot interested me.

Zen65

nightclub disliker wrote: »

I decided to put this up anonymously because I always feel embarrassed about this kind of stuff.

You should not feel embarrassed about it. You are entitled to your likes and dislikes and they are as valid as anyone else's. In my college years I was similarly not into the club scene. College offers options to make friends across a wide spectrum of people, and there's no reason for you to feel isolated simply because one group of your friends has nocturnal interests which do not match your own.

You will find that if you make the effort to mix with students from the various clubs and societies as well as your own class that there are plenty of like-minded people with whom you can socialise in the evenings, while still remaining friends with your immediate classmates. College gets better with each passing year, so don't sweat too much about these issues now.... it's much too early to see how your college life will pan out.


Be at peace,

Z

Viva La Gloria

I'm in my final year of college now but every event that has been organised by our class since we started involves drinking and a night in Twenty Ones or some equivalent. I got to a relatively small college so I don't necessarily feel hard done by, it's not like we have a lot of clubs or differentiating societies to cater to everyone's needs. It's just the way it is; but to be honest, I would genuinely prefer to be doing nothing than to be out in a club until 2am wondering how the hell I'm going to get home, surrounded by drunk people and wishing that I never went in the first place. But I've still made friends; I never feel alone or left out and there are definitely others who don't like going to clubs either. I think you will gradually start to realise which ones are which as the term progresses.

LegacyUser

Nightclubs are not for everybody thats for sure, they're over crowded with drunken idiots, music is played too loudly, expensive, etc.

Fair enough if they are the reasons you don't like them but this comment stood out in your OP:

"I find it annoying that I can't talk to anyone properly and it's not generally uplifting to see every guy around you seemingly getting with a girl and being left out."

Is there more to disliking nightclubs than you care to admit?


"I completely tighten up and just feel totally out of place."

Also can you explain why and how you feel totally out of place and why you tighten up? TBH "tightening up" that wouldn't be a normal reaction to disliking something.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the comments guys. I actually do like pubs, maybe I'll try and pull a few friends along one of these days. Only problem is that pubs often seem to be just a time killer before the nightclub opens up. DB10 seems to be in a similar situation to me, but worse.

I have joined a few clubs and societies but have only gone to the clubs so far. I might see if I can get the chance to go to some of the societies regularly.

Oh and I know everyone is allowed their own opinions and shouldn't feel embarrassed about them but I always feel like a loser when I start talking about this stuff. I don't know how I got it into my head but it always seemed like anyone who wasn't a total introvert/recluse goes to nightclubs regularly.

floorpie

I think different societies and clubs tend to have different 'cultures' about events. In my college there were alot of societies whose events were strictly (not 'strictly' strictly) in pubs only, some were clubs only, some were trips only, etc. I guess just shop around.

LegacyUser

sdvsdvsdfvdfv wrote: »

Nightclubs are not for everybody thats for sure, they're over crowded with drunken idiots, music is played too loudly, expensive, etc.

Fair enough if they are the reasons you don't like them but this comment stood out in your OP:

"I find it annoying that I can't talk to anyone properly and it's not generally uplifting to see every guy around you seemingly getting with a girl and being left out."

Is there more to disliking nightclubs than you care to admit?


"I completely tighten up and just feel totally out of place."

Also can you explain why and how you feel totally out of place and why you tighten up? TBH "tightening up" that wouldn't be a normal reaction to disliking something.

No, I've admitted everything (which is why I said I felt embarrassed about it). When I say "tighten up" I mean that I feel awkward. I generally don't know what to do. If I start dancing I feel like an idiot, if I go somewhere else, I still feel like an idiot. If loosening up is becoming relaxed and in your comfort zone, it's the opposite of that basically.


Music being too loud is another thing but I kind of meant that when I said you can't talk to anyone. You can only scream basic words at the person beside you and hope they understand. I don't mind drunken idiots most of the time though and money isn't a big problem for me, especially since most places in town are cheaper than I had expected (but it's true I never feel like I get my money's worth).

Irishchick

nightclub disliker wrote: »

I decided to put this up anonymously because I always feel embarrassed about this kind of stuff.

Okay so here's the thing, I've started college in UCD this year. I'm going into week 6 and for the most part it's been going okay and I've made a good few friends. The problem I have is that most people seem to be better friends with each other than they are with me and I still don't feel part of any "group" or anything like I did in school before. I feel like this is mostly due to the lack of stuff I do in the evenings. The only thing anyone seems to do to have fun after college is going to nightclubs and this bothers me a lot.

Whenever I go to one, I feel really awkward. I'm not good at dancing (I don't drink to make me stop caring about this), I find it annoying that I can't talk to anyone properly and it's not generally uplifting to see every guy around you seemingly getting with a girl and being left out.

In an ordinary environment (like in college during the day or anywhere more relaxed) I'm fine. I'm not exactly shy, perhaps a little too far the other way and I have no problem talking to complete strangers and meeting new people. I just don't feel like this is enough really.

I've told most of my friends that I'm not into nightclubs and such and they accept it. They try to get me to come along sometimes but in a friendly way. I don't really blame them since I don't expect everyone's evenings to revolve around me. Also, it seems like going to nightclubs make up most of the "events" organised by societies and class reps. I guess a lot of people are able to unwind in places like this but it's the polar opposite for me, I completely tighten up and just feel totally out of place.

Is there any way I can deal with this problem? I don't want to go through the next 5 years like this feeling like a recluse and a party pooper. Does all this weekly going out to nightclubs slow down when the novelty of freedom wears off?

Oh and btw, I have joined a bunch of clubs and societies. I go to the clubs every week although I've only started recently. I haven't gone to any societies yet though.

Hey, Im the same as you. Ive been to college in the uk and dublin and im in college in westmeath now. They've all been the same really. Most college avtivities are based around alchohol and clubs. Neither of which im really into.

You can have fun in college with going to night clubs but im not going to lie, its hard. Most people are into going out dancing.

Usually after the first few weeks the excitment dies down and the money runs short! Thats when the night club visits usually slow down a bit and you can suggest other stuff like going to the cinema or bowling or anything else really.

Its also important to try and make friends who are like you. you will probably meet people like that in societies as those people usually have a wide range of interests and youll be able to do stuff with them.

If you want to pm me. feel free.

Nailz

Listen, it's nothing to be embarrassed about OP, I'm exactly the same as yourself as regards nightclubs. It's my first year as well, I'm attending NUIG and home is in the opposite side of Cavan, but I've learned that there are other things to be done around University than just drinking and nightclubs. Frankly, I loath nightclubs and I haven't been in one here yet, but I don't have to be; especially not because some group of whoevers are going.

I spend most of the nights up here studying and doing coursework, which is necessary because the course involves lots of work - but I genuinely enjoy it, there's nothing like the sense of accomplishment when you complete a massive assignment after staying in the library until closing time! And the thought of having 'nothing to do otherwise' is in fact a great motivator in my opinion. I've been to every lecture, seminar, tutorial and lab since the arse of day 1 because of it! It's far better than sitting in your apartment with your housemate, drinking a 8-pack of Bavaria (or some other awful larger) in the middle of the day watching childrens' television. And you feel better from that too.

What I'm also doing with myself is getting stuck into other stuff, I'm on FM radio with the college station presenting a morning music show (as you can see from the sig), which I'm doing for nothing might I add, and because it's enjoyable! There are societies out there for everyone too, I'm part of the Film Soc, the Rock Soc, the Music Soc, the Skeptic Soc, and a few others, even though I only have time to commit to a few of them... but I spread it out and I always have something kicking about. Not to mention, also, the Lit & Deb Soc, their debates are great craic!


OP, make of college what you can, there's more out there than just some fucking nightclub!

newuser89

I hate night clubs myself
there only tolerable when really drunk.
Sadly its hard to get away from goin to clubs.i go about once amonth because my girlfreind wants to and she gos alot on her own with college friends.she leaves me feeling guilty because of me not going
house partys and pubs are way better but in college its all about clubbing

BraziliaNZ

nightclub disliker wrote: »

I know I'm here to study, but we're all constantly being told that college is about having fun and that it's a huge social experience. I do get where your coming from though.

It's not. I never got laid in college (I only went for two years), and I was socially awkward and had acne and didn't really enjoy it that much. I did make 2 or 3 friends that I still have a great relationship with now over 10 years later. Don't worry about hooking up. I know it seems impossible to imagine and this is probably pointless telling a guy your age not to worry about hooking up, because if I remember correctly the only thing I ever thought about was getting a chance to grope the bejesus out of anything with a heartbeat when I was your age, but some guys just aren't the type that hook up in college, it might take you a bit longer to develop skills to deal with the opposite sex etc, as it did with me. I have no regrets and I'm happy how I turned out. If I could go back in time I would have just told me to chin up, have some more self-esteem, and that you're just as good as anyone else and a great kid.

leahyl

Hey OP I was the exact same as you in college so i know how you feel - I just wasn't into the whole going out scene (nightclubs, bars etc); I think I was just very shy and wasn't really ready for college cos I started at 17 but even as the years went on I still didn't enjoy it, I used to nearly have a panic attack if a night out was planned cos I just couldn't relax.

It's actually only now (at 26) that I don't mind going out as much (usually it's the opposite for other people - they start slowing down at my age!) but what I'm saying is you're not alone by any means, plenty of other people in you year don't like nightclubs and the whole social scene that revolves around drinking. My regret is that I didn't join any society that I would have maybe been interested in when I was in college so I would encourage you to do that - at least then you have some sort of a social outlet when you need a break from college work and you might make new friends in the process:) Even though I met a few good friends in college I still wish I had joined a society or a club - would have met loads more that way

Anyways don't sweat it, just do what makes you happy:)

BraziliaNZ

leahyl wrote: »

It's actually only now (at 26) that I don't mind going out as much (usually it's the opposite for other people - they start slowing down at my age!)

They don't!

leahyl

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

They don't!

what?