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Can't seem to move on

  • 15-10-2011 4:11pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    To give a quick synopsis of my problem. I went out with my ex-boyfriend for 3 years, we were unbelievably close, went on family holidays together, worked together, did everything together basically. We broke up 1 year 3 months ago, we had been fighting a lot and I drunkenly (very stupidly) kissed someone on a night out. Anyways, I was devastated by the break up, he was such a huge part of my life and all of a sudden he was gone. I did a very good job of concealing my feelings and acting like the whole thing didn't bother me.

    He started going out with another girl approx. a month after we split, naturally I was really hurt by this. I went away for the summer and while I was away he messaged me and told me that he was sorry for the way things ended between us etc. And I was unsure of how I felt, I still love him but I was really scared of being hurt.

    Anyways, when I came home he said he was no longer interested. 2 months on and last weekend we met up and chatted or whatever, said everything apart from the things I really wanted to say to him. We talked again today and he said he can't see it working but he still wants to be close to me?

    I feel like I'm back at square one all over again, I'm crying and constantly upset. I wish I could go back and do things differently and I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself truly.

    Basically I'm asking how can I move on? It's been 1 year and 3 months and I still feel like noone will ever compare to him and I can't forgive myself for things that happened during our relationship fights and what not.


Comments

  • #2
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    Is he still with this girl? I suppose, in any event, it doesn't matter as he said he cant see it working. The best thing you can do it cut contact, face the fact it's over and forgive yourself- you didn't murder anyone and it takes two to have a row. Don't get close to him as I expect his meaning of 'close' = have sex with him...


  • #3
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    The only way you can move on and get over this once and for all is to cut contact completely


  • #4
    IrishEyes19
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,861 ✭✭✭IrishEyes19


    Miss Fluff wrote: »
    The only way you can move on and get over this once and for all is to cut contact completely

    + 1 to this. I dont think he's being fair to you either by re-appearing with these lets be close friends messages. He is obviously aware that you love him still and this isnt fair to you.

    However, you hold the key to ending it. I know you feel you havent gotten over him and if a year has passed then thats how it will be. But the truth is you havent allowed yourself to move on, by keeping links with this guy, you only hold out hope, small hope but still hope. And the first key is to delete every link you have with him. I promise you, its a step that works slowly, because when you dont have a number, or an email or even fb to look at, the obsession slowly ebs away. It really does. We have all been there or will at some stage where a relationship does not go our way and it hurts. But you will move on from this. But this is only torture for you, I know how you feel to an extent, it feels good when you are talking, but afterwards, you realise you are no closer to saying or getting what you want, even though both of you know what it is.

    you sound like a lovely person, and there isnt just one guy out there for you. Dont limit yourself to someone who isnt limiting themselves for you. I know having this guy in your life is what you want. But its not worth the tears or pain its obviously causing you. Put yourself first here. Regardless of the past and the mistake you made, it has happened. I know you regret it, but it happened. And if he isnt willing, and he is entitled to that choice, not to pursue a relationship with you, well its something you have to come to terms with. But I think you need to come to terms with what you did, because I feel you still blame yourself and look back on that moment. Move on from it now, love yourself right now.


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