Losing respect for friends

LegacyUser

I know this is a somewhat trivial problem but I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with my friends. I've a large group of close friends, we're all in our twenties, thirties and the majority of them don't have jobs. I know the recession is hitting people blah blah blah but it seems like none of them even try to get work. They hang around all day like teenagers, doing funk all with their lives and the fact that I work full time and, like everyone else in this country, feel a little shafted by all the taxes and levies, it pisses me right off that they're all claiming dole and don't even try to get themselves off the register. Yes I know jobs are hard to come by but there's still work as long as you are willing to put your hand to something. They'll quite happily while away the evenings in the local pub but would think that to take a job going behind the bar would be beneath them. They all seem to still want the lifestyle that comes with earning a wage, going for drinks, getting pizzas etc and I feel like I end up footing the bill more often than I should because I'm one of the few with a wage packet. I know this is something I should address but this isn't really the main issue, I'm just starting to feel a total lack of respect and resentfulness towards them because of how they're living. I'm sure advice from here will be "find new friends" but these are my nearest and dearest, I just don't want to have bad feelings towards them. I know it's not my business how others live their lives but when I hear about all the hardship about people struggling to find work, depressed being unemployed etc. I'm looking at my mates and thinking, no, they're just a lazy bunch who expect others (taxpayers) to pay their way.

tenchi-fan

People living their lifestyle literally have all the time in the world on their hands. You on the other hand work most of the day, and most days of the week.

Sounds like you're jealous you don't have more free time.. get a few hobbies and stay active. You have more money than them to enjoy. Go for a nice meal instead of a pizza. Or go on a few weekend breaks. This will probably mean you don't get to spend as much time hanging out with your "nearest and dearest"

LegacyUser

Unless we're lucky enough to be blessed with friends who all grow in the same direction and at the same pace as each other, most of us go through this at some point or another. You are simply growing up faster than your friends. They may catch up to you or they may not. A little distance may help, perhaps find a few hobbies to fill your time with so you aren't stuck in a rut and growing to resent your friends for their thoughtless laziness.

Katgurl

Hi OP,

I could have written your post myself a few years back. Not working seems completely alien to me and, like you, I would work at almost anything to prevent being on the live register. The recession just makes it all the more important because I feel we should all be shouldering some of the responsibility in getting the economy back on its feet.

Anyway, all I can say to you is the following:
Stop footing the bill and don't make allowances. Don't let it get to the point where so much resentment & dept has built up that you end up exploding in a rage over something as trivial as getting stung for the last round. Just be firm and consistent - "I think its your round"... "No I don't mind subbing you but can we stop at the ATM on the way to the bank" etc. I learned the hard way that people often assume you LIKE picking up the bill or that they are entitled as, after all, you are earnign and they are not.
Continue with your career and widen your network to include career-focused people. I am not saying dump your friends but your interests (in your case work) will always attract new people into your life. Be vigilant and don't bow to peer pressure about staying out when you know you have to get up early in the morning to deliver a presentation (for example).
Resist the urge to get digs in ie, "thats my tax money paying your dole" etc, its completely unnecessary and while you might feel frustrated, humiliating your friends is not on.
Be aware not all your friends are enjoying their lifestyle choices. Yeah, they have lots of free time but being on the dole isnt exactly high standard of living. Remain approachable. What I discovered was some of my friends didn't actually know how to go about making changes, things that seemed obvious to me about finding / applying for jobs were not obvious to them. Offer them suggestions - did you think about a FAS course in X you were always so good at that in school... there is a junior position coming up in my company, would you be interested in applying? That's great you have an interview, do you want to do a practice run with me or do you need to borrow a suit?