upset and hurt

LegacyUser

My boyfriend and I live abroad, My cousin who lives nearby has had to travel home suddenly for an operation and begged me to take her dog for the week, I felt I had to agree.
My boyfriend is sulking like there's no tomorrow! He's not a dog lover, fair enough, he won't help in anyway/shape or form.

I work 12 hour days and have to organise somebody to take the dog out for hours everyday as he won't have it in the house for long periods of time. He wouldn't dream of taking it for a short walk to help me out. I live with him in his house, and it's always felt like my home until now.
He has three children who visit regularly and I bend over backwards to ensure they enjoy their stay, I am happy to do this, it makes him happy and I love them to bits anyway. It's the same if his Aunt/Uncle/Cousin/Friends/Mother/Brothers visit, I will (regardless of how wrecked i am after a 12 hour stint in work) take them out, show them around, make them feel happy and comfortable. Again, I am pleased to do this. I am not comparing his family to domestic pets, it's more the balance of our relationship I'm looking at.

I support him in everything he does and any decisions he makes, and he makes me feel like absolute crap for helping a family member.

i've spoken to him and he tells me it was my decision and therefore I'm to go it alone.

I realise this seems like a bit of a silly problem, but it's not about the hound, more the fact that he is completely unwilling to put himself out in anyway for me.

Comments welcomed. x

Chinafoot

Going purely on what you've posted here, he sounds like a selfish tool.

I'm sorry OP but I would be completely pissed off at that behaviour. Its one week, its not like you arrived home with a dog without telling him and expected him to look after it. You're helping out a relative ffs.

I don't think its silly at all because, as you said, it's not about the dog itself. As far as I can see its about his lack of respect for you. He's perfectly happy for you to bend over backwards for his family on an ongoing basis but he won't help you out for one week? Thats incredibly selfish behaviour. Has he ever taken this attitude with you on any other issue?

Have you told him what you've written here? Perhaps sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel. Perhaps his dislike of dogs is clouding his memory of all the wonderful things you've done to make his life easier.

Sleepy

Is the dog not okay in the back yard? I'm a dog person myself but imagining if a cat were brought into the house like that I wouldn't be happy (alergies) and would insist it stayed in the shed / utility room etc.

seenitall

Hi OP,

Dogsitter wrote: »

it's not about the hound, more the fact that he is completely unwilling to put himself out in anyway for me.

Yes, this seems to be your Relationship Issue alright. Or to couch the whole thing in another (but still highly relevant) way: you seem to be in a relationship with a selfish jerk who is taking you for granted.

Now, in my experience, the taking for granted part can be worked on where there is a will for it, but the problem is that selfishness, on the other hand, is usually a chronic and incurable disorder. The symptoms, as you have described them, don't make for a great prognosis. (sorry about the bad medical analogy, just popped into me head! )

I hope happier times await you. Good luck

Chinafoot

Sleepy wrote: »

Is the dog not okay in the back yard? I'm a dog person myself but imagining if a cat were brought into the house like that I wouldn't be happy (alergies) and would insist it stayed in the shed / utility room etc.

Nowhere did the OP mention allergies. Also, whether or not it gets left out the back garden all day depends entirely on the type of dog it is and what type of life its been leading with its owner.

As the OP said though, its not about the dog itself. Its about her partner's behaviour. His sulking is pretty pathetic behaviour when this is a favour for an ill relative that is going to last one week. Refusing to help her when he knows the circumstances around her agreeing to take the dog, not to mention the long hours she works, is selfish in the extreme.

dixiefly

There is give and take in every relationship and also compromise. Your partner seems to be unwilling in a pretty important issue for you.

This week will pass and you will get by. However you need to determine if this is an example of an overall aspect of his character that you havent seen before. There is a possibility that this is something that will surface in another way.

You should be starting to consider what you wish to do in the longer term if this is in fact an example of a very selfish nature on his side and whether you really want to settle down long term with him.

Duke Leonal Felmet

He sounds like a knob. Some people are just naturally selfish, you can't change it.

I am a friend

What's his problem with the dog?

He does sound v stubborn and selfish.

dafunk

I'd be angry if my partner behaved like that. It's selfish towards you, you make compromises for him, he should do the same for you. As an aside, someone disliking animals would be a major turnoff in my book.