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settling down

  • 14-10-2011 5:21pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Im 31 and my girlfriend is 34. We have been together for 5 years and she is now looking to get married and have children.
    I dont feel ready for either to be honest. I am not settled in my job and very unhappy whereas she is a high-flier who has worked her way up in her company for the last 7 years. She earns more than 3 times what i earn.

    She has said many times that she wants to have children and that time is running out for her which i completely understand. Its just that if given the choice, i would not want to have kids or get married for a few years yet.

    I dont know whether to leave her to go and find someone else who wants to settle down

    Any advice would be welcome


Comments

  • #2
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    Do you see yourself ever marrying her and having kids with her? I am just wondering if you are willing to lose her for life for the sake of a few years.


  • #3
    IrishEyes19
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,861 ✭✭✭IrishEyes19


    I am a friend wrote: »
    Do you see yourself ever marrying her and having kids with her? I am just wondering if you are willing to lose her for life for the sake of a few years.

    Completely agree with this. You have to decide this pretty soon. It isnt fair to drag this woman along when her biological clock has a time frame, Im afraid. You really have to decide whether this is the woman you want to be with. Im not sure if the financial and job security is really the big issue here, more so than you not being entirely sure what you want right now. The thing is, financially and economically, this country is in the deep end at the moment, and no one knows whats going to happen. if your gf feels ready to take that big move with marriage and children, putting aside all worries, would you take that move with her? even if you were financially secure


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    The money thing is a red herring here, isn't it?

    If she's happy with you and (presumably) knows what you're earning, the issue is not really money? Money comes and money goes, but money never raised a child. Loving parents do.

    You're just not ready for marriage and children, are you?

    You need to tell her fast.

    It is deeply unfair to drag her along at her age, if you have no intention of marrying her. I've seen it happen to female friends of mine and it is a dreadful thing to do.

    Take a few weeks, really really think about it, and then tell her what you've decided. This is a huge decision for both of you, that needs to be taken very seriously and very quickly.


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