Friday Funnies

MonkieSocks

How many homosexuals does it take to screw in a light bulb?


None........... if they would just stop blowing the fuses.

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A pair of whales, a male and his mate were swimming along one day when they came upon a whaling vessel.

M: ''Oh sh1t!''

F: ''What is it?''

M: ''That's the ship that killed my father when I was a young whale and took him away!''

F: ''Oh that is fooked up!''

M: ''Hey listen, I got an idea. Let's surface, suck in all the air that we can and dive down under the boat. Then we'll blow it all out at once and tip it over!''

F: ''OK let's.''

So they both surfaced, sucked in all the air that they could hold, dived down underneath the boat and blew it all out as hard as they could.

Sure enough the boat capsized and all the sailors ended up in the water.

So the two were swimming away and looking back at the men frantically splashing around in the water.

M: ''Haha, that was pretty kool!''

F: ''Yeah, that was kool.''

M: "Hey I got another idea! Let's go back there and eat those fookers!''

F: ''OK look, I agreed to the blowjob, but I'm not swallowing the seamen!''

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Annoyed by the professor of anatomy who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class,
a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest.

The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time.

Then, halfway through the lecture, he began.

"They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France."

The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door.

"Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile,

"the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

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A farmer in Arkansas and his wife were lying in bed one evening, she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry.

He looks up from the page and says to her,

"Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"

She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Prove it."

He frowns for a moment, then says, "O.K."

He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.

About half an hour later he returns all tired and sweaty and says,

"Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig squealed, it's hard to tell."