Can attraction grow?

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I have kissed this guy three times. He is really lovely and it had been coming a while as we met through friends and always ended up spending most of the night together on nights out. He makes me laugh, there is none of this messing about ignoring me for half the night or anything.The last night I met him out I was walking through the pub and he stopped me up and we chatted for ages. He is the exact personality I go for in a guy but the only problem is I don't seem to be really attracted to him. I feel awful saying this because I really want to be attracted to him but I just don't look at him and think he is hot or gorgeous. On the other hand I am so drawn to him in some ways. The last night we kissed, we stayed up chatting till 5.am and we got on so well.
I am going out this weekend and have heard he is going to be there. I guess I don't want to keep kissing him if I'm not attracted to him but then I am looking forward to seeing him all the same. I have heard from friends that he really likes me but doesnt enter into things with girls lightly so that's the reason he hasn't asked for my number. Does the attraction grow in these cases or has anyone experienced it before? Like it's as if I would be happy to be with him, spend time with him, have great fun but I just don't want to rip his clothes off or anything like that? Does that grow once you get on really really well with the person or does it never happen?

I am a friend

Op you are going to get varying responses here. Some people will say it can grow and others will say it can't. I personally think it can.

It's positive you are drawn to him. Why not give it a go and see what happens if ye do go in a date.

Miss Fluff

canitgrow wrote: »

Like it's as if I would be happy to be with him, spend time with him, have great fun but I just don't want to rip his clothes off or anything like that?

What you are describing there is a male friend then. There has to be attraction there or else it's just a platonic friendship when there is no physical attraction.

How do you feel when you kiss him? I think you can tell a lot from a kiss tbh...

BraziliaNZ

No I don't think it can grow. You may begin to really like his company and enter some kind of relationship with him and have adequate sex with him, but if that's the way it is now, believe you me you will DEFINITELY not fancy him in the future. Most people lose some or all of the initial attraction after a while anyway, never mind if they didn't fancy them in the first place!

allgirlz

Yes I think it can, when I met my husband I was not crazy about him, I thought he was very nice and good fun and for once there was no messing around. After 3-4 months I was crazy about him and it all grew from there, he was/is the complete opposite of my usual type, but that does not matter I think he is fab in every way. I would give it a shot, out of my group of friends not one of us was mad about our husbands when we met them, they were all slow burners on the romance/attraction front and all the girls are very happy!

I am a friend

And I tend to fancy them more as I get to know them...

ando

Yes deffo it can grow, give it a chance, dont force it

hi op, i think you are attracted to him in some way, you feel drawn to him, you look forward to seeing him, you talk with him quite happily for the whole night?

do you not feel anything when you kiss?

in my case, i do find people become more attractive the more i get to know them.

i was friends with a guy for well over a year, just friends, one night he kissed me, i felt it was a big mistake, didnt really want to do it again. we continued as friends for another 6 months or so, then when he was away for a while, i suddenly realised how much i missed him and how much he meant to me.

we got together and believe me, i couldnt get enough of him. he isnt the best looking guy in the world, i know that, but to me he is the most perfect guy ever. and i havent felt attraction like it with anyone before!

so, yea, i think it can grow!!

beks101

Depends on the person imo.

Personally, while I'm not expecting fireworks right off the bat, I generally know fairly quickly whether or not there's potential and the greatest personality in the world isn't going to make up for a lack of attraction, but that's just the way I work.

The kissing thing is probably the best barometer - how did it feel, did you enjoy it, did it leave you wanting more or were you just waiting for it to end? I recently was in a similar predicament with a guy, the best and sweetest and funniest and most respectful guy I've ever met, but it was like kissing my brother, just weird and uncomfortable and lacking chemistry. Not something I wished to repeat or to take any further.

Take a look back at your relationship history - were there many slow burners there or was the attraction pretty obvious from day one? Be honest with yourself because I think that deep down you actually know the answer to your question.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies. The first time we kissed it wasn't a great kiss but I still felt something all the same. Maybe it's because it had been building up for months before that but neither of us had the guts to go for it. The 2nd and 3rd times were much better and I felt the spark if that makes sense. He told me the last night that he thinks I'm gorgeous and I didn't know what to say to that because if I said I thought the same about him I would have been lying. I guess I just don't feel that attraction when I look at him but I could stay talking to him forever and he is just lovely in every other way.
If I thought the attraction would grow I would definitely see where things go between us but if there isn't much chance of it growing I don't want to kiss him again no matter how much I like him because that would be leading him on and he is way too nice for that. I just wish I wasn't so shallow. It's not like I'm a model myself!!

human repellent

Have you ever just grown to like someone in a group overtime. Plenty of times ive seen girls that i wouldn't have batted an eyelid towards, then overtime id have gotten to know them and think, hey I like this girl.

For me attraction defenitely grows.