Girlfriend broke up by email and wont talk

LegacyUser

Hi,
Please help.

A couple of weeks ago my girlfriend and I had an argument. I felt she had made feel feel lousy and told her it made me feel bad. Usually I just let it go and say sorry but for a few days I was upset and just wished sh'd say something nice but is very stubborn.

Anyway, the few days go on and it wasnt resolved so finally I get n email from her telling me she is breaking up with me.

I tried everything to say I'm sorry and everything I can to fix things but she is completely blanking me and will not respond to anything.

I thought there was a chance of us talking before last weekend but she went home for the weekend and since then will not even acknowledge me. Her friend who recently broke up with her fiance is on facebook 24/7 posting all these snide remarks and cryptic messages aimed at me and why I'm so bad, even insinuating I cheated on her.

This just isnt like her at all. But I feel her friend has stepped in to make sure she doesnt come running back to me or something as she is on her own "men are dogs" kick at the moment and she's ruining everything.

Please tell me what to do. Firstly I can't stand the facebook messages, we had an arguement but I dont understand why this now has to be public domain, all this mud slinging, its not fair.
Secondly, I just want her back, I just want to get a chance to speak with her. I know she loves me, 2 weeks ago she was coming home with me for Christmas and everything and then I was just given the shove with an email, its not like her at all, shes usually very mature and rational.

I'd do anything in the world to put it right but knowing she's upset and her friend in her ear its not going to happen. Please tell me what to do, I'd give the world for a chance here.

veXual

pleasehelpwiththis wrote: »

A couple of weeks ago my girlfriend and I had an argument. I felt she had made feel feel lousy and told her it made me feel bad. Usually I just let it go and say sorry but for a few days I was upset and just wished sh'd say something nice but is very stubborn.

So she won't apologise even though she made you feel lousy? Then she breaks up with you via email? Seems like the writing is on the wall.

I don't mean to be harsh but it seems like she is almost lording over you. Has your gf always had authority over you?

I know its tough but if someone doesn't have the respect to talk to you face to face after being in a relationship then I wouldn't waste my time with them.

Regarding the friend, if she wants to comment on Facebook let her. I'd confront her in person and ask her what her problem is she won't be so snide then.

Big Bag of Chips

First of all either delete the friend or stop her updates from appearing on your homepage. That way you don't have to upset yourself seeing stuff you don't need too.

Secondly, I know you're devastated at the moment, but think back to what started this. Your gf made you feel like sh.. and when you told her, she got annoyed, wouldn't apologise and then dumped you by email.

And now you are the one apologising?

Let things be for a while. Don't contact your ex for the moment. Definitely don't apologise again. She might come around and decide she was being a bit unreasonable. Or she may not.

Either way, I don't think you can influence her at the moment.

Pebbles68

pleasehelpwiththis wrote: »

Usually I just let it go and say sorry .

This is the bit that caught my attention. So making you feel bad is a regular thing yet you end up saying sorry?

OP you posted here looking for advice on how to get your ex to talk but I doubt you'll get any. It appears you were in a one sided relationship that you are better off out of. I would imagine most of the advice is going to be; delete her and all her friends from your FB account, forget her and walk away with dignity. Then go and meet someone who respects you.

I know you are hurting now but ask yourself, if you were to spend a lifetime with her, being made feel bad yet you saying sorry, how unhappy a future do you see ahead of you?

allgirlz

Pebbles68 wrote: »

This is the bit that caught my attention. So making you feel bad is a regular thing yet you end up saying sorry?

OP you posted here looking for advice on how to get your ex to talk but I doubt you'll get any. It appears you were in a one sided relationship that you are better off out of. I would imagine most of the advice is going to be; delete her and all her friends from your FB account, forget her and walk away with dignity. Then go and meet someone who respects you.

I know you are hurting now but ask yourself, if you were to spend a lifetime with her, being made feel bad yet you saying sorry, how unhappy a future do you see ahead of you?

Exactly, I will bet that when you sit down and have a think back on your rows over the time you have been together that she has had the upper hand and you have been the peacemaker, that is not a recipe for long term happiness, you are better off now letting this go. Do not contact her again and try and get on with your own life. You will meet someone far better for you and then get to experience a partnership of equals not one where one person has all of the power. Best of luck

LegacyUser

Hi,
I know what you are all saying but no, it wasn't all one sided but she's stubborn I suppose.

The friend doesn't live in the same area as us so confronting her is a no-no. I half thought of sending her a message and just asking her to drop it but i know thats just to sort of reaction she wants. Its just all so childish to me. I don't do things that way.

I mean, we had a bit of an argument alright after the incident but before the breakup email where we probably both wish we could take stuff back but she's just holding this over me. I'm trying to say that look, we had an argument, we were both in bad form and said my sorrys and just want to get on with things but she's not having it.

I mean, this behaviour is so childish and just not like her in any way. I'm not just saying it but she's just not the sort to be into this stuff, i know it's the friend driving it who's happy she's single again.

I mean, yeah, If i was the type of guy who could just find someone else easily, i'd say screw her, I can do better... but honestly, I can't. It was my best shot. She's very this crazy or irrational, I've never seen it. I just don't know how to get hold of her for a chat.

LegacyUser

pleasehelpwiththis wrote: »

I mean, we had a bit of an argument alright after the incident but before the breakup email where we probably both wish we could take stuff back but she's just holding this over me. I'm trying to say that look, we had an argument, we were both in bad form and said my sorrys and just want to get on with things but she's not having it.

We don't know what was said that you both wish you could take back. Whatever she said obviously wasn't so bad, as you're ready to move on. But it could be that whatever you said to her might well have affected her a bit more significantly. What exactly is it that she's holding over you?

Moomoo1

you always, always have to assume that you can do better

it's all in the mind

phoenix833

OP it's not going to mean much coming from me but I was in a similar position to yourself. Wanted to get hold of somebody and speak to them and say sorry but they were having none of it. At the time I was really cut up about it, kept telling myself she was the One, why did I do X,Y & Z etc. I was fairly depressed I must admit.

I came on here looking for advice and was told to just leave it be and do you know what? It was the best advice I could have been given. Exactly what I needed. Now I'm having the greatest time finding the better One. It looks bleak at the start of a break-up but you'll come around, everybody does.

You need to ignore her friend as much as you can. Don't give into the taunts. It'll get easier as time goes on.

wivy

Hi OP, I went through something v. similar a few months ago... my ex broke up with me out of the blue by a five min phone call.. he was supposed to be visiting me the next day and we had a holiday booked during the same week... I hung up the phone on him and never heard from him again.... as one of the posters said, i was advised to delete him off facebook and to be honest one of the best things I did...
i can move on without seeing things I dont want to (since found out he cheated)
i sometimes think when someone wants to break up with someone they kinda make a big deal out of something very small and insignificant and use it as a kind of 'excuse' for breaking up... I think its a very cowardly and lousy thing to do... but perhaps this may be the case in this situation... if she loves you she will get back in contact and will forgive you...
In the meantime... Dont contact her, delete her from facebook... hold your head high and try to get back out there and move on... like yourself I was devastated by the thoghts of 'will i ever meet anyone as good again'... but we have to hope theres someone better out there for us OP.. whats for us wont pass us...
Hope your okay.. Know what your going through... If you want someone to talk to about it feel free to pm.
Best of luck

I'd say the newly-single friend has a fair bit to do with it as she will want a mate to go out with, or maybe your gf wanted the attention her mate was receiving from guys. Either way, no-one is holding a gun to your girlfriends head.
The lack of contact is disrespectful and unfair. Sounds like a mind-game to me so she feels chased. I'd say a little bit of non-contact would bring some dialogue.

Have been in your boat mate. Feels like the Titanic but don't give up. Women like this are like Alfa Romeos. Look great, you always want one but god they take some work. Expensive, loud and not worth the hassle! :-)

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

I'd say the newly-single friend has a fair bit to do with it as she will want a mate to go out with, or maybe your gf wanted the attention her mate was receiving from guys. Either way, no-one is holding a gun to your girlfriends head.
The lack of contact is disrespectful and unfair. Sounds like a mind-game to me so she feels chased. I'd say a little bit of non-contact would bring some dialogue.

If you'll notice, women who say to stop chasing after men aren't suggesting that women do this in order to "feel chased", it's to find out if he's actually interested in them.

Have been in your boat mate. Feels like the Titanic but don't give up. Women like this are like Alfa Romeos. Look great, you always want one but god they take some work. Expensive, loud and not worth the hassle! :-)

Lovely.