Can a gambler be trusted again

GOKDublin

I was with my boyfriend for just over 5 years. Life couldn't be better. Everyone said were a perfect match. He treated me like a princess and was my rock through all my family issues over last couple of years. We talked about wanting a baby soon and getting married. He lost his job last September, got another job few weeks later and that folded too. He had some odd jobs which he is lucky enough to be able to work at home. I trusted him with everything. We booked to go travelling together and started saving. I lost my laser card and 6 weeks later I logged online to our joint account and found 15k has been gambled in the last 2 months. I'm sick to my stomach. My heart is just frozen and I'm double thinking everything. All the lies and slyness. I have left him and he's started going to GA meetings 3weeks now. But I don't know if I can ever trust him or believe him etc... He only lied about money. Behind all that he genuinely is the best boyfriend. Head is totally wrecked. Could our relationship ever work again?

tenchi-fan

Wait til he repays the €15k. Then you can start trusting him again.

Big Bag of Chips

My best friend was/is going through the exact thing with her husband. She started going to GamAnon meetings and says they are what has kept her marriage together.

It is a different group to Gamblers Anonymous. It is specifically for family and friends of gamblers.

She understands better why/how he did what he did. She doesn't *excuse* his behaviour, but it does help her understand.

Try find your local GamAnon meeting. There are lots of groups all over the country. You will find that your story mirrors so many others out there. And couples CAN survive it.

I am a friend

Has he started paying you back?

You may say that's his only lie but it's a huge lie... Wait until he pays you back and then see if you can trust him.

moco

My dad ran up a massive gambling debt behind my mum's back and they had to re-mortgage the house. He lost a business he had and my mum only found out when a solicitors letter came to the house that had to be signed for on behalf of suppliers he owed money to. It nearly drove her mental to think of all the lies and how he could do that to our family, but they got through it. My dad never went to those gamblers anon meetings, but I think once everything was out in the open and they worked out how to get out of the debt he was able to stop gambling because he no longer had to secretly try and win back the money he'd lost. He's never gambled since.

My dad is the loveliest man you could meet, but he has did some stupid things where alcohol and gambling are concerned.

I'm not saying you should or shouldn't stay with your boyfriend, but just wanted to let you know that in some circumstances it can be survived.

I will say it was one of the hardest periods in my mothers life and she went into a massive depression over it, but it's all in the past and she never regreted sticking with him.

lau1247

getting help to stop gambling is an important aspect..

If that were me, like all trust being broken, I'd take away all the trust and only slowly let the partner 'earn' it back..

That would be in total control of the financial side in the relationship.. ins and outs will need to go through you with full transparency.