Conditioning children early

investment

So my uncle is trying to make sure he doesnt spoil his 4 year old daughter.

She is the first girl in the family

He has some very interesting techniques. One of them is when she goes near the fire or cooker or the road, he lets off a gas horn behind her which scares her and she doesnt go near danger anymore. Since he started she has only gone near danger a couple of times a month. whereas before she was a nightmare to watch.

What strange techniques do you us?

Hannibal Smith

That has just conjured up the most hilarious image in my head How can he be sure she's associating the gas horn with danger and not with stepping outside the front door?

Morag

I don't think we should treat our kids like Pavlov did his dogs.

Lola92

That sounds completely ridiculous to me, never mind having to carry around a fog horn the whole time? :rolleyes:

At 4 years old she should be well able to understand not to go near the road because cars are dangerous, or not to touch the stove because she will get burned. For a child to be afraid of something as a deterrant is not a good thing IMO, they should learn about why it may be unsafe and why not to do it. I think he is seriously under appreciating the reasoning and intelligence of a four year old child, we are not talking about a toddler here.

cbyrd

He's giving her a fear of loud noises.. not an appreciation of danger..
if a child never touches anything too hot how do they know it will hurt?? how do they know a bang on the head will hurt?? And i'm not talking about putting they're hand in a fire.. simple touching a hot cup or radiator is enough..

They learn over time.. just as a child will learn to understand the fear they hear in a parents voice when they go too close to danger..

A toddler i could understand but 4 years of age you can reason with them and explain the danger of what a moving car can do to a little body.. squish them ...
And what would be the difference if the child was a boy?? is he worried that a girl won't understand as well as a boy could?? or is it that she's more precious??
I have interesting techniques .. when the front door is open i make sure the gates out front are locked... i make sure hot cups and sharp knives are out of reach and that doors that can slam shut have a stopper on top.. keep the washing machine door shut and i taught him to climb up and down the stairs.. other than that its pure luck and keeping an eye on him every now and again to make sure he's not killing himself.. it's called responsible parenting... not spoiling

investment

Lola92 wrote: »

That sounds completely ridiculous to me, never mind having to carry around a fog horn the whole time? :rolleyes:

At 4 years old she should be well able to understand not to go near the road because cars are dangerous, or not to touch the stove because she will get burned. For a child to be afraid of something as a deterrant is not a good thing IMO, they should learn about why it may be unsafe and why not to do it. I think he is seriously under appreciating the reasoning and intelligence of a four year old child, we are not talking about a toddler here.

He has lots of different methods, the guy is really intelligent he has a masters in educational psychology, he is always carrying out lots of different studies.

Paddycrumlinman

investment wrote: »

He has lots of different methods, the guy is really intelligent he has a masters in educational psychology, he is always carrying out lots of different studies.

So his Daughter is a test subject? :rolleyes:

Ridiculous way to teach his child about danger!!

investment

As you well know many parents just dont know how to bring up children ...single mother are by far the worse at this.

If you go through disadvantaged areas will see this, they dont feed, educated or teach there children anything other that what they know themselves which is very little.

He has much more to offer by using his methods , than 60 % of mothers out there who are only after the social.

He is a better man for trying and his wife fully supports him

January

We'll keep the single mother bashing out of this thanks very much.

Lola92

He may be a highly educated man but frankly that does not matter a damn when it comes to parenting. I am not saying he is a bad parent, I do not know the man, but from what I can see his 'methods' leave a lot to be desired.

I agree completely with cbyrd, a fear of noises (and possibly her father) is all she will get out of this. Children need to be protected from danger up to a certain point but you need to educate them to understand why.

As for the single mothers comment?????? I sincerely hope you are joking.

Moonbeam

investment wrote: »

As you well know many parents just dont know how to bring up children ...single mother are by far the worse at this.

If you go through disadvantaged areas will see this, they dont feed, educated or teach there children anything other that what they know themselves which is very little.

He has much more to offer by using his methods , than 60 % of mothers out there who are only after the social.

He is a better man for trying and his wife fully supports him

Please do not make mass generalisations with out evidence to back them up.
Any posts repeating this behavior will result in an infringement.

we'llallhavetea_old

obvious troll is obvious

Moonbeam

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

obvious troll is obvious

Less of the unhelpful posts please.

caprilicious

investment some of the best and most doting parents I know are single parents.
Parenting is a damn hard job with 2 parents involved, it must take twice as much work for a single parent.
The last thing any single parent deserves is that type of prejudicial stereotyping :mad:

No one knows what the future holds, who is to say that you wont become a single parent in years to come?

Your uncle may be a very well educated man, that doesn't mean he is automatically a much better parent than those less educated.

Frankly I think his methods are bizarre & I agree with Sharrow's reference to Pavlov's dog.
In making a loud noise when she approaches danger, she is not being taught WHY it is dangerous, he is just frightening the bejasus out of her.
Children need to be taught why something is wrong, or why something is dangerous.

Orion

we'llallhavetea wrote: »

obvious troll is obvious

You know what else is obvious? The report post button is obvious. Use it instead of back-seat modding.

And caprilicious: thanking a post that a mod has given an on-thread warning about is not a good idea either. Bear that in mind next time please.

we'llallhavetea_old

Orion wrote: »

You know what else is obvious? The report post button is obvious. Use it instead of back-seat modding.

And caprilicious: thanking a post that a mod has given an on-thread warning about is not a good idea either. Bear that in mind next time please.

... moonbeam has dealt with my post already, relax...

in fairness I said it because people seem to be taking the op seriously, I highly doubt anyone would be foghorning their child as a weird science project.

Orion

Don't question a mod on-thread please - that's what PM is for. If you've a problem with something I say as a mod feel free to PM me.

As for the OP - I have no reason not to take it seriously. Different parents have different ways of teaching their children. I personally think this method is bizarre and totally agree with Sharrow's reference to Pavlov. But that doesn't mean it's a troll post.

If you suspect trolling - use the report post function. And if two mods point out something to you - well then that just shows how vigilant we are.

angelfire9

investment wrote: »

So my uncle is trying to make sure he doesnt spoil his 4 year old daughter.

She is the first girl in the family

He has some very interesting techniques. One of them is when she goes near the fire or cooker or the road, he lets off a gas horn behind her which scares her and she doesnt go near danger anymore. Since he started she has only gone near danger a couple of times a month. whereas before she was a nightmare to watch.

What strange techniques do you us?

I'm slightly stunned :rolleyes:

Aisling is 10months old and knows what "NO" in a firm voice means

She is a child not a science experiment
God only knows what damage the constant gas horn blowing is doing

I'm not a single parent but spent a good chunk of the formative years (0-3) with my eldest on my own as hubby was stationed away from home and I chose to stay with my family so i know how hard single parenting can be and I'd like to think I did a fairly good job without deafening my daughter :rolleyes:

Like all parents I wish sometimes I had eyes on the back of my head because babies can get into anything given half a chance
But a 4 year old.... that's ridiculous IMHO
A 4 year old can be reasoned with

There is no way that child's upbringing can be described as "normal" by my way of thinking

Her father may be "well educated" but education doesn't matter a damn when it comes to raising kids
I'm well educated, I have 2 degrees that didn't help one iota when it came to nappy changes, midnight feeds or temper tantrums
There is no book that teaches you how to be a good parent, in alot of cases its trial and error (more error than anything else at times)
The parent learns with the child and the second time is normally easier than the first

Poor girl

Sakinah

I can see the logic of association he is trying to drill into her, but he could have used something a bit less primitive.

A mother once told me she (in trying to train her child out of the soother) pinched the back of his neck everytime he picked it up until he associated the pain with the soother!!

Fear and pain are not good motivators.

People can have the best intentions but poor methods - I've no doubt he has the best intention (to keep his daughter safe) but that is really not the way to achieve it.

Also - since having my LO and seeing how hard it is with my hubby, I have the ultimate respect for single mothers, you obviously have no experience in raising a child, and no idea how hard it must be for single mothers, and I think you should apologise for that comment, it's very disrespectful.

kippy

Generally I start off with a "no", then as they get older, I monitor them touching the range or something hot and say "hot". They feel a small bit of sensation once, associate that feeling with hot and get to understand what hot is and the implications of it.
Obviously this is how a lot of parents manage this sort of thing.
Our lad is 16 months now and has has the "no" and "hot" concepts off to a tee.
As an aside I'd also use the word "careful" in those type of situations.

I'm not sure of the benefit of using a loud horn over the word "no" or indeed not allowing the child to get to understand "hot" and other words and what they actually mean.

Now the young lad recognises potential "hot" items and acts accordingly. (Until he get to an age where he'll be daring ya, but thats a different ball game)

First time parent here, winging it most of the time, no PHD's etc etc.