I think I have social anxiety (weird experience)

LegacyUser

Hi, today in college my friend(guy) who likes me (I guess), said, "what you doing for lunch, going to Vinnies?(the student bar we go to at lunch for cheap soup ), i said yeah, he said "come and sit with us", i felt very flattered and said ok. when we got there, i was with him, another guy from class i kinda know, then his two friends came over who are girls and sat with us. i felt very shy cause especially around the opposite sex i get nervous, let alone people i don't know! i'm bad at social thingies like this anyway (i was very open as a kid but as a young adult i've drifted toward being inward more, any ideas?). he introduced me and that was p much all we spoke. they sat there talking as they usually would and i was there feeling so odd

what starts happening to me in these situations is that i somehow gain 3rd person perspective and start seeing myself from another point of view, and i start telling myself i look stupid, that these people don't like me, i start to go on and on at myself, like another voice in my head starts pummelling at me, and puts me down. at this point i usually cant take it any more and leave. they went outside to smoke and my friend said cmon outside! i said, hmm, no im ok, ill sit here on my own. he said ah cmon man, don't hibernate, cmon outside! so i went outside and they were again chatting away like no one's business and i got really uncomfortable and said i need to go bathroom. in the bathroom i actually thought i was going to have a breakdown, i thought "what am i going to do, they dont like me, i dont feel comfortable" and started panicing a lot. i left and went to the shop then back to school so i ditched them but my friend did not mind but i feel bad, feel as if i shud apologise to him cause he was so nice.

anyway i do not like myself, i feel weird round people and want to get over it, dont know what to talk about and hate how i look, hate myself in general =[

qwertytlk

Hi op. You seem to have reall low self esteem and a very poor self image. And lets face it, you cant be that bad if this guy asked you to lunch! He obviously thinks your a nice person who is good company. As for his friends, well if they never met you before then i doubt they had an opinion of you, let alone a negative one..
Do you spend alot of time alone, or have done in the recent past? Im just asking because if you do/did then this could explain why you feel so awkward and anxious, because your not used to being around people so when your thrust into a situaion like the one you described you start to panic and get paranoid etc. If this is the case then the best way to get over it or to make it even slightly less hard to cope might be to try spend more time with other people. Try establish some friendships. Then the more you get to know people, the more comfortable you will feel in their presence and hopefully you will also stop feeling so self conscious.
Another option may be counselling? I went to counselling to deal with low self esteem issues and it really made a huge difference to me.
Best of luck

LegacyUser

Been there alright, many a time. I'm by no means a great conversationalist now but as I got older I learned how to deal with those type of situations a bit better.

Thing that used to set me panicking is not knowing what to say or how to respond to people mostly because I never followed the conversation. The most important thing in that situation it to listen to people so your on their wavelength. Keep track of the conversation instead of thinking about what you look like or what people think about you or what your gonna say. If your not following the conversation you wont be able to get involved. And if you are and not thinking you wont be able to panic or get flustered. Nod in agreement, laugh, shake your head in amazement. Any little thing to be involved.

Another thing I found helped was being the one who initiates something. For example if the next time you seen those people you went up to them and asked what they were at or whatever. Even if you went over to the group, asked how they were, what they had planned for the evening and then said "Have to go, maybe I'll catch ya at wherever". That puts you in control of the situation and not feeling like you dont belong.

I've met a few guys like the one your talking about and they genuinely are nice guys who wont be insulted because your a bit awkward. So dont be worried about what they think of ya.

You'll learn to like yourself, you'll learn to like the way you look. You'll learn how to talk to people and what to say. The more time you spend around people the more comfortable you will get. So hang out with those guys, talk about whatever they are talking about. If you dont feel like talking you dont have to. They dont expect you to impress them, just take your time and try to relax a bit. Twill all come good after a while.