The case of the ex!

LegacyUser

Hi,
I'll try to keep this short..
It's not a big deal (yet) compared to other's problems here but is getting to me so I would appreciate any advice.
Basically my OH has just moved across the water. We have been with eachother for 3 years living together for one and the long distance thing will hopefully be only for a few months.
Anyway we weren't able to get together this weekend for various reasons...
We were speaking briefly on Friday night as she was out with friends, I asked what their plans were and she kind of skated around the subject, I thought to myself that it was a little strange but thought little more of it.
I spoke to her later that night and she was fairly well on, I again asked what they had gotten upto and she just said "oh we went to a gig"...

Fine, no big deal, but as it turns out "this gig" was something organised by her ex and to which he invited her too, and less a gig more a party! I found this out basically cos she had been talking about meeting someone on friday (a close friend of her ex) and I asked her where did you meet them? It was only then she said where she had been, and this was Sunday morning....

As I said it is not a huge deal, I don;t believe anything happened. I just feel it a bit strange that she felt the need to hide or at least not disclose where she was going friday. I ve tried to put it out of my head but it is irking me so I was hoping someone would slap some sense into me, or else tell me that Im not being petty feeling a bit p***ed off over this.

Im not a very jealous guy either, all ive ever asked her in regard to ex's is not too keep going on about them which she used to have a tendancy to do and I found it abit disrespectful!!

Any insights would be appreciated.
Thank you for reading!

CONFUSED_WORRIED

CONFUSED_WORRIED wrote: »

and she kind of skated around the subject,

...all ive ever asked her in regard to ex's is not too keep going on about them which she used to have a tendancy to do and I found it abit disrespectful!!

Sounds like that's exactly what she did, taking on board your request, and now you're mad she did it.

LegacyUser

bluewolf wrote: »

Sounds like that's exactly what she did, taking on board your request, and now you're mad she did it.

I get where you are coming from, what I meant about going on about ex's is contantly telling stories to me about what they got up to together etc.
In any event that kind of related so something else, she did listen to that request it is not an issue.

I may not have been clear, I really don;t mind her going along to this party, that's really not the problem, it's more the underhanded nature of avoiding the subject when I enquired as to what she was up to it that is irking me.

Thanks for your input though.

CONFUSED_OP

CONFUSED_OP wrote: »

I get where you are coming from, what I meant about going on about ex's is contantly telling stories to me about what they got up to together etc.
In any event that kind of related so something else, she did listen to that request it is not an issue.

I may not have been clear, I really don;t mind her going along to this party, that's really not the problem, it's more the underhanded nature of avoiding the subject when I enquired as to what she was up to it that is irking me.

Thanks for your input though.

Maybe I wasn't clear... I know you don't have a problem. What I'm saying is, you asked her to stop telling you about what she did or does with exes and she decided not to bring it up with you.
It could be more, but there's a strong chance it's just mixed signals.

Have you tried asking her why she didn't tell you...?

Volvagia

Maybe I'm confused about the timing, but am I right in saying that she has just moved now, and this all happened the weekend just gone, while you were all in the same country. If so...

Do you know if your girlfriend and her ex were together for long? Or if they ended on good terms?

Is it possible that she just wanted to say see him / that group of friends, as friends before she moves aboard and wanted to avoid the uncomfortable conversation of telling you about it?

Personally I don't think you've anything to worry about, bringing up the topic of an ex with a current partner is always tricky ground and sometimes moving country makes you think about the past etc.

LegacyUser

If someone was evasive and then it turned out they were hanging around with their ex, that would annoy me as well.

I see what you mean about not wanting to hear stories about an ex, but that's not the same as having questions dodged in order to not disclose that she was hanging out with him again.

If I were in your shoes I'd be worried tbh. She couldn't stop talking about him when she was with you and had to be told to cut it out, and now she's back hanging around with him and avoiding your questions to keep it a secret. Doesn't sound good at all to me. I'd be rather more than annoyed.