Too easily offended? Fat?

Matthew23

Hi,

I consider myself to be a very good looking lad. I am into fashion and I dress in the latest clothes and I take care of myself. The only problem is that I am very overweight, and this means that I have a lot of trouble getting girls. This is where my problem comes in.

I was out in a club with my friends recently, and we were all there talking away to some girls. I have started to try and get my personality across as much as possible (I have a good personality) so that maybe my weight wont turn them off. This means I usually tell alot of jokes and am pretty loud. It is usually good because people laugh at my jokes but this night my friend took me aside and said something like "you are ruining all our chances with your stupid jokes, i wish we didnt have to go out with you fat idiot we will never pick up girls with you around"

i was very offended. he also called me ugly and told me to go home, which a few of my friend agreed with. i hung around for a while but it wasnt much fun on my own, so i left.

am I too easily offended? Should I just be confident in my own looks, which I know are good, and forget what they said?

Really need some advice. Thanks.

LegacyUser

It sounds as though you were hogging the conversation?

They shouldn't have called you names though, but perhaps you were being very irritating? Did you allow anyone else a chance to speak?

CarMe

You're friends sound very cruel and don't sound like friends at all, however, it can be very annoying having that one very loud friend trying to get attention all the time. It may come across very obnoxious.

Also you say you dress in the latest trends etc but maybe if you are very overweight you should dress in clothes that suit your size and build rather than things you think are "in".

LegacyUser

Matthew23 wrote: »

Hi,

I consider myself to be a very good looking lad. I am into fashion and I dress in the latest clothes and I take care of myself. The only problem is that I am very overweight, and this means that I have a lot of trouble getting girls. This is where my problem comes in.

I was out in a club with my friends recently, and we were all there talking away to some girls. I have started to try and get my personality across as much as possible (I have a good personality) so that maybe my weight wont turn them off. This means I usually tell alot of jokes and am pretty loud. It is usually good because people laugh at my jokes but this night my friend took me aside and said something like "you are ruining all our chances with your stupid jokes, i wish we didnt have to go out with you fat idiot we will never pick up girls with you aro

i was very offended. he also called me ugly and told me to go home, which a few of my friend agreed with. i hung around for a while but it wasnt much fun on my own, so i left.

am I too easily offended? Should I just be confident in my own looks, which I know are good, and forget what they said?

Really need some advice. Thanks.

Wow your friend is seriously lacking a sensitivity chip, he could easily have asked you tone down the jokes without mentioning your weight. You should not totally forget what they said maybe tone down the jokes in future but as for the rest of it forget it, nightclubs are very superficial places where you will be judged on your looks, you are more likely to meet girls where they have an opportunity to get to know you like a college or work setting. Yes you may be overweight but surely all of your friends aren't boy band material. Im a girl and I know if another girl said something like that to me that would be curtains, friendship over, I couldn't hang around with someone who clearly thinks they are better than me & doesn't respect me, I'm not sure about lads though he may not have considered how cutting his words would be.

baby and crumble

As someone who's overweight, I understand exactly what you're trying to do. It's very easy to try and compensate for the weight thing by being loud and jokey. However, it can be incredibly annoying. Now, your friends were bang out of order in the way they spoke to you. But even so, there probably is a tiny grain of truth in their comments. If someone is being overbearing in their manner, like you might be, it's frustrating if they are trying to chat someone up and someone is hogging the conversation. And in general while making girls laugh is a good thing, if all you are doing while speaking is making jokes it can quickly get tired. I used to be much louder and reliant on jokes. I had to relax it because I could see people getting tired of it.

Try toning it down a little. Stay confident, but realise that not everyone appreciates loud, jokey people. Try to think up other lines of conversation you can utilise. Ask the girls questions and let them talk rather than subjecting them to a kind of stand-up routine.

Best of luck.

Overheal

Coming from another overweight fellow: If you're fat you're fat. No special arrangement of clothing, or smiling, haircuts, cologne, or joke telling will dispel the fact that you are a dude with boobs. Come to grips with that like I and many others have.

Here's the thing:

I consider myself to be a very good looking lad. I am into fashion and I dress in the latest clothes and I take care of myself. The only problem is that I am very overweight, and this means that I have a lot of trouble getting girls. This is where my problem comes in.

I was out in a club with my friends recently, and we were all there talking away to some girls. I have started to try and get my personality across as much as possible (I have a good personality) so that maybe my weight wont turn them off. This means I usually tell alot of jokes and am pretty loud. It is usually good because people laugh at my jokes

It sounds like you are doublethinking. "Oh I'm a handsome bastard" "I'm a very overweight/obese person" "I tell jokes because of my personality" "I tell jokes to hide my weight issues"

You have to make a decision about the truth there. And by the way: yes you're being too sensitive. Forgive the guy for being a hot headed because he felt cock blocked. But these are your real issues and you can't take offense when someone points out the blatantly obvious.

Should I just be confident in my own looks, which I know are good, and forget what they said?

If you know they're good then be confident about it. If you think you are trying to lie to yourself though, you have plenty of things to work on. And be very clear about the distinction: the worst thing anybody can do to their self confidence, it's lie to themselves.

Roselm

Matthew23 wrote: »

Hi,

I consider myself to be a very good looking lad. I am into fashion and I dress in the latest clothes and I take care of myself. The only problem is that I am very overweight, and this means that I have a lot of trouble getting girls. This is where my problem comes in.

I was out in a club with my friends recently, and we were all there talking away to some girls. I have started to try and get my personality across as much as possible (I have a good personality) so that maybe my weight wont turn them off. This means I usually tell alot of jokes and am pretty loud. It is usually good because people laugh at my jokes but this night my friend took me aside and said something like "you are ruining all our chances with your stupid jokes, i wish we didnt have to go out with you fat idiot we will never pick up girls with you around"

i was very offended. he also called me ugly and told me to go home, which a few of my friend agreed with. i hung around for a while but it wasnt much fun on my own, so i left.

am I too easily offended? Should I just be confident in my own looks, which I know are good, and forget what they said?

Really need some advice. Thanks.

Eh, they don't sound like friends to me! These guys have prioritised getting girls over their mate. And who tells their mates they are ugly and to go home. I think you need new friends!

LegacyUser

You overcompensate for your obesity by being loud and probably a bit annoying. Your mate was wrong to be so blunt but honestly I'd say there is some truth to it. I see a lot of conflict in your post too btw, I think you're lying to yourself a little. You say you have a 'good personality' but surely that is something other people say, not you. You do not know if you have a good personality or not as personality is subjective according to individual people. One person might think you have an interesting personality, another may think your annoying and loud. So cut out that for a start. Nobody likes it when somebody proclaims their own superior characteristics quite so loudly.

And make sure you're jokes are actually funny. There is nothing more tragic than someone saying something unfunny in a loud voice.

Matthew23

getrealson wrote: »

You overcompensate for your obesity by being loud and probably a bit annoying. Your mate was wrong to be so blunt but honestly I'd say there is some truth to it. I see a lot of conflict in your post too btw, I think you're lying to yourself a little. You say you have a 'good personality' but surely that is something other people say, not you. You do not know if you have a good personality or not as personality is subjective according to individual people. One person might think you have an interesting personality, another may think your annoying and loud. So cut out that for a start. Nobody likes it when somebody proclaims their own superior characteristics quite so loudly.

And make sure you're jokes are actually funny. There is nothing more tragic than someone saying something unfunny in a loud voice.

i think that is very hard on me

Matthew23

i dont mean that i am hogging the conversation, it is usual for me to not talk much when i am around my friend, i just kind of let them talk and dont push my personality. when i am in clubs i try to be different because if i didnt talk at all then nobody would speak to me. they arent used to me talking so they lashed out at me. they are louder than i am even when I am in the club and talking.

kjl

TBH, there is a touch of arrogant inferiority complex. In you post you claim how very good looking you are, but then you claim that you are very overweight. I don't know about most people but I wouldn't call someone who is very overweight very good looking.

Why don't you hit the gym and loose some of that weight, then you will not need to over compensate by being loud and obnoxious. You may think you are being the life of the party, but it is very likely that alcohol is giving you a false sense of security and actually your friend is giving you a reality check.

ash23

Your friend was out of order in the way he spoke to you. However the fact that your other friends agreed with him may indicate that there is a problem there. If you have 5 people saying something about you, odds are there is truth in it. I'm a bigger girl and I get that I wouldn't be everyones cup of tea. I don't need to be loud and overbearing to pull.
Your mates may feel that your behaviour drives people away. I for one cannot stand really loud, overbearing people and I'll usually avoid them.
You admit yourself that your personality is OTT and you aren't yourself when you're out so I think that while your mates comments would certainly have offended, you also need to take a look at what is behind them and work on it.

Logical Fallacy

I think you do have a confidence problem OP. Repeatedly trying to reinforce your opinion of yourself, purposefully acting differently in certain social situations etc.

You seem to have an issue with your weight and are letting it affects you quite badly.

Your mate was certainly wrong to be so blunt with you...but you seem to have taken it very much to heart and i think that happened because he was commenting on aspects of you that you feel less that secure about.

sam34

Matthew23 wrote: »

I have started to try and get my personality across as much as possible (I have a good personality) so that maybe my weight wont turn them off. This means I usually tell alot of jokes and am pretty loud.

i dont think this is a good way of "getting (your) personality across". whenever i meet someone who just keeps telling jokes loudly, i find it irritating and over-bearing, and i wonder why they insist on doing so. rather than it displaying their personality, it makes them look as if they are dull and incapable of having a normal conversation, and are just trying to cover this up.

I am a friend

I don't agree with his methods but if you are as cocky about your looks in real life as you portrayed here, he may have wanted to take you down a peg or two by calling you ugly. It's still not acceptable and I would call him on it.

sambuka41

Your mates sound like right gits. :mad:I wouldn't take on board much of what they have to say, mainly because they don't sound like decent people who have anything good to say about anyone. They sound like the type of guys who will talk crap about the girls if they aren't interested, basically blaming everyone else. I've met so many of these guys on a night out,they are so boring, I'd much rather listen to some funny jokes then some twat chancing his arm.

We all have nights where our confidence isn't the best and we over compensate, but if they are mates they would have spoke to you about this in a better way.

Matthew23

sambuka41 wrote: »

Your mates sound like right gits. :mad:I wouldn't take on board much of what they have to say, mainly because they don't sound like decent people who have anything good to say about anyone. They sound like the type of guys who will talk crap about the girls if they aren't interested, basically blaming everyone else. I've met so many of these guys on a night out,they are so boring, I'd much rather listen to some funny jokes then some twat chancing his arm.

We all have nights where our confidence isn't the best and we over compensate, but if they are mates they would have spoke to you about this in a better way.

i cant believe you are saying that because you are so right! they say everything in the world that they think a girl would like, laughing and joking, but if they make a move and they are turned down they stark slaggin her and calling her names like fat whore ugly and stupid. they get really nasty on girls and people in general and i suppose it was just my time

Firetrap

I'm a woman and bluntly, I'd run a mile from you. Your friends sound like horrible people but they do speak the truth I'm afraid Honestly, this larger than life shtick of yours wears off pretty quickly. It's obviously not working either because you said in the first line that you've got trouble getting girls.

What comes out from your post is both that you're trying too hard and that you're a bit deluded. I'll probably get lynched here for saying it but if you are a very overweight guy, no matter how good-looking you are and what you wear, your obesity will be the first thing that women see. We aren't stupid you know. Perhaps your personality is as wonderful as you say it is but you've put yourself at an instant disadvantage if you are as large as I'm guessing you are.

So really, I've got two pieces of advice for you.
(1) Lose some weight. It will improve your health and leave you with less of an uphill battle when it comes to meeting girls
(2) Tone down the wisecracking shtick. It just ain't funny.

I am a friend

Matthew23 wrote: »

i cant believe you are saying that because you are so right! they say everything in the world that they think a girl would like, laughing and joking, but if they make a move and they are turned down they stark slaggin her and calling her names like fat whore ugly and stupid. they get really nasty on girls and people in general and i suppose it was just my time

You do realise you choose your friends... As such, you choose to spend time with people who treat others like this so you can't be surprised when they turn it to you....

'show me the friends and I'll show you the man'

Deus Ex Machina

Firetrap wrote: »

I'm a woman and bluntly, I'd run a mile from you. Your friends sound like horrible people but they do speak the truth I'm afraid Honestly, this larger than life shtick of yours wears off pretty quickly. It's obviously not working either because you said in the first line that you've got trouble getting girls.


What comes out from your post is both that you're trying too hard and that you're a bit deluded. I'll probably get lynched here for saying it but if you are a very overweight guy, no matter how good-looking you are and what you wear, your obesity will be the first thing that women see. We aren't stupid you know. Perhaps your personality is as wonderful as you say it is but you've put yourself at an instant disadvantage if you are as large as I'm guessing you are.

So really, I've got two pieces of advice for you.
(1) Lose some weight. It will improve your health and leave you with less of an uphill battle when it comes to meeting girls
(2) Tone down the wisecracking shtick. It just ain't funny.

Not a helpful post.

im not as bad as you think. i mean i talk a bit more than usual because i dont usualy talk around my friends as much as i do in a night club because they tell me to shut up or shut my fat ugly face and f off to the chipper (the last one was said to be exactly last week) they beat me down and make me feel small so i can be in there pocket.

and my jokes are funny, my brother and sisters always tell me i should go into comdedy or something because they are always laughing at my jokes and my dad said I am the funniest of all of the 4 of us. i dont think it is fair to comment on how funny or unfunny my comments are becuase you havent heard them

sambuka41

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

Not a helpful post.

im not as bad as you think. i mean i talk a bit more than usual because i dont usualy talk around my friends as much as i do in a night club because they tell me to shut up or shut my fat ugly face and f off to the chipper (the last one was said to be exactly last week) they beat me down and make me feel small so i can be in there pocket.

and my jokes are funny, my brother and sisters always tell me i should go into comdedy or something because they are always laughing at my jokes and my dad said I am the funniest of all of the 4 of us. i dont think it is fair to comment on how funny or unfunny my comments are becuase you havent heard them

Have you changed accounts op?

mikemac

I take care of myself. The only problem is that I am very overweight

You don't take care of yourself

Your post is full of contradictions

And OP, having a good personality is what people say about you, it's not something you say about yourself.

The lad was harsh but I think there was a grain of truth in there with what he said.
You are the loud annoying friend shouting jokes and generally being a pain.
You are talking over the lads and talking at the girls rather then to them.
Probably a bit of overcompensation in there OP, you know about the jolly fat man with all the jokes.

Sort out your weight issue.
And tone down the jokes and being so loud

Yeah the friend was blunt but look for the reason it was said

Overheal

Deus Ex Machina wrote: »

im not as bad as you think. i mean i talk a bit more than usual because i dont usualy talk around my friends as much as i do in a night club because they tell me to shut up or shut my fat ugly face and f off to the chipper (the last one was said to be exactly last week) they beat me down and make me feel small so i can be in there pocket.

Those aren't friends then.

and my jokes are funny, my brother and sisters always tell me i should go into comdedy or something because they are always laughing at my jokes and my dad said I am the funniest of all of the 4 of us. i dont think it is fair to comment on how funny or unfunny my comments are becuase you havent heard them

In all fairness, that's your family, not your 'friends', and not the girls you're trying to attract the attention of. My family tells me I'm a genius but that hasn't put a bachelor's degree in my pocket. Or even a decent test score in calculus.

Susie_Q

Sorry OP, but I don't know how you can claim that you 'take care of yourself' and are 'good looking' at the same time as admitting that you are very overweight. Taking care of yourself includes maintaining a healthy weight. Personally, and this is just me, I would never find an overweight guy to be 'good looking'. Doesn't matter what the face looks like - if it's covered in fat then it's not attractive.

Silverfish

User is now sitebanned so I'm closing this.