siblings

LegacyUser

Does anyone here not get on with their siblings? I only have one sister she s younger we both get on well with our parents and are more than civil to each other but that's about it, I ve no real desire to hang out with her and I don't feel an emotional connection with her the way I do with my parents. She still lives with my parents so I see her when I visit them but when she moves out I guess we ll see less of each of each other. Does that make me sound like a really cold person? I guess I must be concerned about it on some level if I'm writing about it here. Anyone have a similar experience?

LegacyUser

I wish I was in your position OP. I am estranged from my siblings, we fell out when we were young for various reasons and I haven't spoken to either of them for years. I always get sad when I see people with normal, functioning sibling relationships. It also gets very awkward at family functions and such. To be honest your situation sounds pretty similar to most people I know, I'd be glad of that.

I am a friend

I was like you two - fought with my sibling, were civil, didn't talk for months at a time and then fought more. My parents told us to get on cos when they were gone we would only have each other.

Our last conversation was a row and I saw them online after and chose not to say hi, the next thing I heard (later that night) and it was only earlier this year is that they were dead. No there are no more opportunities to fix it - it's killing me.

Dont make my mistake and grab every chance you can to fix the relationship before it's too late.

username123

tulile wrote: »

I am estranged from my siblings, we fell out when we were young for various reasons and I haven't spoken to either of them for years. I always get sad when I see people with normal, functioning sibling relationships. It also gets very awkward at family functions and such.

I have one sibling who I am estranged from. It doesnt make me sad to see normal functioning sibling relationships because my sibling is not a normal functioning person and Im a happier person with them not in my life. It doesnt get awkward at family functions because we dont have any family funtions. Our parents were not close to their own siblings so as a result I dont really know any aunties/uncles/cousins - except 1 aunty who my sibling is also estranged from.

@I am a friend - thats very sad and I am sorry that that has happened to you. If I heard my sibling was dead I think I would be fairly indifferent to it. I certainly have no desire to fix the relationship - already tried that and been bitten by it. Obviously Id be sad that they died, but I wouldnt have any regrets regarding being estranged.

btw - it wasnt even that I had rows with my sibling and then got on well then had rows etc... I quite simply do not like the person and their behaviour was so toxic that Id rather not know them.

Neyite

I have a sibling that I am not emotionally close to. We never got on as kids, and are pretty much polar opposites as adults. We buried the hatchet some years ago, and more or less get on grand but would not be best buddies or anything. They live abroad so its easier - when they come home they go into older bossy sibling mode with me and I'm in my mid-thirties so you can imagine how well that goes down:D. Put us in the same room long enough and we are like a bag of cats just like 20 years ago.

It is what it is - if they needed a kidney, I would not hestiate to give it, but I dont tell them confidential stuff. I love them, dont hate them, but dont always have to like them.

I am a friend

The op hasn't said her sibling is toxic so there is room to develop the relationship.

A word to the wise username, 6 months ago I could have posted the same as you but the reality i find myself in is now v different - I hope you never need to find out.

Firetrap

I can't say that I've got the issue that you have, thankfully, but you're not unique. I read a newspaper article about this very subject a few months ago - can't remember which one but think it was in one of the Irish papers

Really, the only thing you have in common with your sister is that you've got the same parents and you grew up together. You're both different people with different personalities. If you met someone socially who you didn't emotionally connect with, would it bother you?

If you've not become close by now, you probably never will but I would strongly advise you to keep in some sort of contact with her. Even if it's only to send texts. Its all too easy to drift apart and then you'll find it more awkward when you do have to contact her again.

username123

I am a friend wrote: »

The op hasn't said her sibling is toxic so there is room to develop the relationship.

A word to the wise username, 6 months ago I could have posted the same as you but the reality i find myself in is now v different - I hope you never need to find out.

Oh yes, agree re the toxic issue - was more just explaining my own situation.

I have found out incidentally re the losing an estranged family member, I was estranged from both parents before they died, again toxic issues - aloholism - I never regretted the estrangement. I did, of course, regret that the situation that caused the estrangement existed at all - but it wasnt something I had control over.

Just to say, my own family estrangements did not happen lightly, it was not a case of a row and just never speaking again. It was about years and years of massive dysfunction that caused me to become very physically ill and go through a huge emotional upheaval before finding the strength to remove myself from the situation.

I also tried to save all relationships before leaving them behind. The only reason I am now able to say I do not regret the estrangements is because it took so much to come to that point for me personally that once reached there was no going back.

Sort of an absolute last resort, and not one to be taken lightly, took years to come to terms with etc...

I wouldnt be recommending it - at all.

curlzy

Hey OP,

Exact opposite here, I've very close to my lil bro (5 years younger) and lil sis (10 years younger). We're going to Amsterdam on holiday in the new year and go out for drinks regularly. I've found that you get out what you put in, so I put effort into seeing my siblings, my lil sis comes to my house for movie nights and I regularly send my little brother abusive texts (our way of keeping in touch:D). So yeah if you're disappointed in the relationship work at it!!!

Best of luck.

Chinafoot

The fact that you share parents does not automatically mean you have to be close. I have two older sisters that I don't have contact with. I am quite happy with this arrangement, as are they. We are incredibly different people and over the last few years things were too much to take so we no longer speak. I won't go into the background as its not relevant but it wasn't some silly fall out. It was a very prolonged breakdown of what had been...okay-ish...relationships.

Its ok to not be close to your siblings. There is absolutely nothing to say you have to be. It sounds like you have an okay set-up, OP. I don't see the point in pushing it to be more than it already is. Has your sister ever expressed a desire to improve your relationship? If she hasn't then I'd just accept that your relationship is what it is. It doesn't make you a cold person at all.

I am a friend: I'm very sorry to hear of your situation but I don't think you can apply that to everyone who no longer has contact with a sibling.

I am a friend

Thanks china foot. I don't assume to speak for everyone but 6 months ago I would have had the same attitude to my sibling. I am merely pointing out that you can go from feeling like you dont care at all to total devastation. I just wouldn't wish it on anyone else and i was directing it to the op who doesn't appear to have any particular problem with her sister.

floutingmaxims

Get on great with 2 out of 3 siblings. Im the baby so they're always taking care of me but i'd do anything for them. Wish i could say the same for the other one. I have tried, believe me I have but you get to the point where you have the shits of trying.

moco

Siblings wrote: »

Does anyone here not get on with their siblings? I only have one sister she s younger we both get on well with our parents and are more than civil to each other but that's about it, I ve no real desire to hang out with her and I don't feel an emotional connection with her the way I do with my parents. She still lives with my parents so I see her when I visit them but when she moves out I guess we ll see less of each of each other. Does that make me sound like a really cold person? I guess I must be concerned about it on some level if I'm writing about it here. Anyone have a similar experience?

Is there much of an age difference between you and your sister?

pragmatic1

Dont think you're cold OP. Lots of people dont get on with their siblings, myself included. My brother is grand and is a good sort. We just have nothing in common. My sister is also a good sort but I cant stand to be in her company for any length of time. You'll always have some bond because you're family, but that doesnt mean you have to be close.