Cheating on GF

LegacyUser

i know this is terrible but i'm cheating on my GF. Believe me I'm not proud of it.

basically, my GF is no craic in bed and we have totally different sexual appetites. I've tried to address this so many times but i'd say we only have sex once every other week. she's usually not in the mood and when she is she just lies there asking if im finished yet? I love her but she just not satisfying me sexually so i started sleeping with another girl who is very good in bed. there is no love between myself and this other girl, we just get togeather for sex and thats it. it works very well..

anyway, what should I do? Can our relationship work even though we have totally different perspectives on sex or is it doomed?

mybabydoll

Why dont you speak to your girlfriend tell her how you are feeling about your relationship and give her a chance.............

once a cheat always a cheat if you loved her it wouldnt make a difference how she preformed in bed, you may as well end now.

what happens when the other girl start to have feelings for you?????

I am a friend

You obviously know it's wrong so what do you think you should do?

Sungodbr

sunflower27 wrote: »

Well, the guilt he feels is less important than his personal satisfaction, at any rate.

thats not very helpful is it :eek:....OP you should make a choice as to whether you want to play the field or what, its unlikely that your gf will adjust enough for you two to suddenly become sexually compatible, keep on searching and to avoid pain and hurt for all... do the right thing

I am a friend

Sungodbr wrote: »

thats not very helpful is it :eek:....OP you should make a choice as to whether you want to play the field or what, its unlikely that your gf will adjust enough for you two to suddenly become sexually compatible, keep on searching and to avoid pain and hurt for all... do the right thing

But what sunflower said was true. He is posting here because he knows Its wrong but he is effectively asking us if he is justified screwing around cos his sex life with his gf isn't great...

Firetrap

It's only a sticking plaster solution though. This current arrangement won't last indefinitely. Either the other woman will move on and he'll be left back at square one. Or, his girlfriend will find out and that'll be the end of that.

If he wants to do the right thing, he should either try to improve things in the bedroom with his girlfriend and resolve never to cheat again or break up with her. Differing sex drives can be a deal breaker and it's telling that it has driven him into the bed of a woman he doesn't even like.

chetah

chetah wrote: »

Can our relationship work even though we have totally different perspectives on sex or is it doomed?

You could probably work things out with regards to your different sexual perspectives.

But it doesn't really matter because you've cheated on your girlfriend and from the way you've talked about her here you musn't have much respect for her either. Do her a favour and tell her the truth/leave.

Too little too late.

LegacyUser

op here.

I agree with a lot of what you are saying.

I managed not to cheat for the first 5 years of the relationship with out any interest in anyone else but i think my resolve depleted when she kissed a famous guy when we were on a break and everyone knew about it. I didn't want the break in the first place but we were in different countries for a while and it was what all our friends were doing in similar situations.

so i think since then I've let the sex then get to me more and more. maybe i'm doing it out of a growing sense of resentment over an array of issues?

you could be right, could be time to call it a day. it's easier said than done though, i'll be genuinely devastated to lose her and she'll totally lose the plot and probably do some crazy **** like set my house on fire. she wouldn't see this coming in a million years and she doesn't take bad news very well. As sad as it sounds I'd nearly be afraid to leave her

I am a friend

You are trying to push the mess that is this relationship back on her. She didn't cheat - you were on a break, yet you use her kissing someone else as an excuse to act out.

Likewise, what she may of may not do is not an excuse for stating with her and continuing to cheat. grow a pair

Morbert

I am a friend wrote: »

But what sunflower said was true. He is posting here because he knows Its wrong but he is effectively asking us if he is justified screwing around cos his sex life with his gf isn't great...

No he is not.

minidazzler

chetah wrote: »

i know this is terrible but i'm cheating on my GF. Believe me I'm not proud of it.

basically, my GF is no craic in bed and we have totally different sexual appetites. I've tried to address this so many times but i'd say we only have sex once every other week. she's usually not in the mood and when she is she just lies there asking if im finished yet? I love her but she just not satisfying me sexually so i started sleeping with another girl who is very good in bed. there is no love between myself and this other girl, we just get togeather for sex and thats it. it works very well..

anyway, what should I do? Can our relationship work even though we have totally different perspectives on sex or is it doomed?

If you are not interested by each other sexually, be friends, it's simple as that....well, not really because you won't be friends when you break up. But you need to break up with each other.

Your girlfriend is essentially being a **** sock when you have sex which is boring as hell, and since I believe a good relationship has it's foundations in mutual enjoyment of sex, then I am led to believe that it's a bad idea to stay with her.

IrishEyes19

Sungodbr wrote: »

thats not very helpful is it :eek:....OP you should make a choice as to whether you want to play the field or what, its unlikely that your gf will adjust enough for you two to suddenly become sexually compatible, keep on searching and to avoid pain and hurt for all... do the right thing

Its very helpful, if you love someone enough to know theres something lacking, you dont go out and cheat on them.
that isnt love.

the OP needs to sit down and discuss it. You say you tried to steer it in the right direction, have you actually talked about it though. I just dont buy that you love her and the sex with the other girl means nothing. You dont hurt the person you love, the guilt would kill you if you did. So if you made that slip up once, it would haunt you what you did. But the fact that you are cheating on her doesnt seem to be the focus of your post, but rather that your stuck in a rut with a girl who means nothing to you but you sleep with, and a girl who you are supposed to be committed to.

Tough choice? Not really. Your girlfriend deserves to know the truth.

LegacyUser

So that's the big question here. Are you happy? Relationships are hard work and it makes it even more difficult when there isn't real physical aspect to it.

Was it always like this? If I was to start a relationship with someone and from the beginning there was no real physical aspect - so to speak of! Then why start it at all, most relationships start off that way in the beginning, don't they?

This leads me to the thinking that it hasn't always been this way, yes/no?

So therefore there must be some reason that the sex has been lacking. There could be many reasons for this and obviously as in all relationships there have been problems, you say that you took a break from each other in the past. Were the reasons behind that dealt with completely at the time.

Do you mention the fact that she was with this other person to her in arguments? Is it a sticking point for you, it sounds like it. (if she doesn't feel respected/trusted she may not feel comfortable sleeping with you) but she could still feel love and have loyalty to you and have hope that you may change the way you feel.

Is there romance in your relationship or is it just turning the pages everyday?
I don't think that you have really thought this through, you lay all the blame on her, you haven't expressed here a real appreciation of a woman that you have spent five years in a relationship with apart from typing a four letter word that is easy for anyone to say, not so easy to mean it.

I'm not completely letting her off the hook here but I would like you to answer the questions as here we only get one side of the story so we really require honesty and a full picture to give us any idea of the advice to give. But continuing a secret relationship behind her back, well that aint gonna solve any problems with your relationship together.

Sungodbr

I am a friend wrote: »

But what sunflower said was true. He is posting here because he knows Its wrong but he is effectively asking us if he is justified screwing around cos his sex life with his gf isn't great...

too much estrogen on this thread me thinks, right and wrong is subjective to individuals and relationships and a multitude of other factors, what he is doing is not illegal, this girl embarrassed the OP openly and hurt his pride in a big way by going off with this famous guy, so seems from what he is saying he is trying to get back at her on a subconscious level and probably to build his pride up again and maybe win back valued favour with his friends, he is not doing anything that is universally morally wrong just wrong to you girls on this thread and many others but not to everybody, e.g. most french marriages involve concubines are the french bad/wrong people?

Taltos

Sungodbr

You are close to getting a ban from this forum. If you have not already done so please read our charter. If you have read it please reread it.

Taltos

JustAThought

OP;
You think your GF would be mad and burn down your house if you broke up with her despite your boring apothetic relationship.
Just imagine what shed do to you if she found out you were lyi g and cheating on her. And running the risk of giving her someone elses dirty STDs.
You'd better hide the knives.

Firetrap

chetah. wrote: »

you could be right, could be time to call it a day. it's easier said than done though, i'll be genuinely devastated to lose her and she'll totally lose the plot and probably do some crazy **** like set my house on fire. she wouldn't see this coming in a million years and she doesn't take bad news very well. As sad as it sounds I'd nearly be afraid to leave her

How certain are you that she'll not find out you're cheating on her? You might be getting away with it for now but if this cheating continues, you could get careless about covering your tracks or someone might see something. You never know who knows who in this country.

Realistically, if you're not happy in the bedroom with your girlfriend, there's no real future in this relationship. It's not going to be easy to break up with her but you're not being fair on her. Nor on yourself. You'd be better off breaking up and finding someone who suits you better.

Maple

Folks, I understand that infidelity is an emotive topic but please keep your advice constructive, berating the OP is hardly that.

Maple

LostGirly

OP if you love this girl like you say you do you'll either a) break up with her or b) stop with the cheating and sit down and talk things through with her. You may find that she things you're boring in bed, maybe you're not doing it for her and that's why she lays there waiting for you to finish. Stop playing silly beggars and talk to your girlfriend before you lose her for good.

LegacyUser

chetah wrote: »

i know this is terrible but i'm cheating on my GF. Believe me I'm not proud of it.

basically, my GF is no craic in bed and we have totally different sexual appetites. I've tried to address this so many times but i'd say we only have sex once every other week. she's usually not in the mood and when she is she just lies there asking if im finished yet? I love her but she just not satisfying me sexually so i started sleeping with another girl who is very good in bed. there is no love between myself and this other girl, we just get togeather for sex and thats it. it works very well..

anyway, what should I do? Can our relationship work even though we have totally different perspectives on sex or is it doomed?

Y
Have respect for yourself and your girlfriend. Leave the relationship and let her get on with her own life. You can meet someone that satisfy's your sexual appetite.
And remember what goes around comes around. And someday someone will cheat on you. Be a man now a coward which you are now.

ando

Grow a pair, get out of the relationship and leave her to get on with her life. It will be hard but it has to be done, you cant go around cheating on people. Be fair to her and get out of it. Its so unfair, she will be hurt more when she finds out you have been fiddling around with another girl instead of being honest with her and calling it a day. Thats just my point of view anyway