Hard to get used to being around people again

LegacyUser

I have a bit of a strange issue. I'm 23 and female. In college, I was a bit of a loner. This, I suppose, was slightly odd, because I'd never really been that way through school. I was a bit quiet, maybe, but always had friends and a 'group'.

When I first started college, I made friends, but wasn't too fond of a couple of the people in my new group. I didn't really click with one or two of them, they made me feel a bit uncomfortable, so about a month in, I started to withdraw. After moving away from these people I started spending a lot of time on my own. I ended up spending most of my four years in college on my own, doing little but attending lectures, studying, eating lunch alone, and spending time on the internet or around the shops when I had downtime. I regretted what I'd done, but after some time had passed it seemed too difficult to fix things and I just carried on.

I didn't spend the four years completely alone. I had old school friends that I met up with sometimes, but I drifted from them a bit during college. They probably grasped that I, eh, hadn't been hugely successful socially at college, but would've been surprised if they knew what was really going on. I also had summer jobs and activities during the holidays, where I interacted pretty normally with everyone and made some lasting friendships. (so you see, I can be normal!)

Now, here's the issue. I've just started my first 'real' job in a large company. There are a couple of hundred of us graduates starting this year and the social aspect is huge. We are in training for the first couple of months and there are plenty of social events organised for us. The thing is, being around people so much now, the constant (as I see it) inane chat about nothing, the constant networking, room-working, the endless coffee breaks and long lunches, more chat on the bus there and back, the chatting during all the group work we've to do, and then being expected to go to drinks with these people a couple of nights a week -it's starting to drive me insane. Sometimes I just want to get away.

Maybe that sounds a bit sociopathic. I really do want to have friends and make connections with people there (SO much!), but I'm finding the whole thing a bit of a strain. Today I spent the afternoon coffee break in the loo, just to take a break, but obviously that's weird and not the kind of thing I should be doing.

I think maybe the amount of time I spent alone in college has had a really bad effect on me and has turned me into someone who finds it difficult to deal with being around people this much. I don't want to be this way though! I just want to have a normal group of friends and socialise with people like a normal person - but the endless chatter and networking is making me want to run away, though :P (but I've done the running away thing in college, and I definitely don't want to do it again, because it made me very unhappy).

I'd love any advice or opinions - thanks

Fremen

Do remember that you're just getting started. The networking and pressure to mix will probably die down after few more months. There's nothing wrong with you, you're just introverted.

A lot of people find small talk dull. One way you might avoid endless boring chatter is to try to make a small group of close friends. That way, you can talk about stuff you actually find interesting, rather than the usual "Hi, what's your name, what did you do in college?".

Maybe you could try one or two low-key activities if there are any. You should try to get involved in something, even if you have to push out of your comfort-zone. Something that happens on a regular basis - say, climbing or squash. If there's a small core of other people who also attend, over time you'll come to be friends. Then you can ditch the massive piss-ups and whatever else you're expected to go along with, and just hang around with your group.

I was recently in a bit of a crappy social situation in work, so I took up football just so that I could get to know people (even though I'm god-awful at it). Things have really improved since I did that.

meoklmrk91

I had the same issue a couple of years back. I had spent 5 years out of school, basically skipping the entire secondary school experience. It was very Wierd for me to go back into the whole system when I had gotten so used to spending the vast majority of my time alone and felt as though I was missing something that everyone else had in common. I spent no time in secondary school at all.

I found it very strange and tiring spending all this time with all these people and making the effort. I found all the things they talked about to be uninteresting and felt very out if my element and so different from all of them. But I stuck it out even though it was very tough at first, a little bullying etc. After a while I found my groove and even ended up being student council president and a pretty popular student. Nobody was more surprised than me!

I think that what people see when they see a loner is someone who is sad and a loser. But if they did spend a bit more time alone then they would see what great things can come from it. I know that it left me knowing myself very well and I had a really rich inner world.

This may be the opportunity to move forward and have your time. Just relax, be yourself, go with the flow and be confident. And remember that they you can always bring something special to the table that no one else can. Most of all enjoy it, it will get to be fun and you will appreciate the experience all the more.