Difficult friendship

shoes34

HI,

I wrote here about 2 months ago on how a friend of mine was annoyed that we didn't invite her out one night we were going for drinks, she had said a few days previous she wasn't going out until she got some dental work fixed. It was a Tuesday night and we only decided about 8ish to go out and she had work the next morning and the rest of us didn't.

I was then going away with some friends about 3 weeks later and felt that she felt we didn't invite her out the once I said to her that I was going away with these other girls, who she isn't that friendly with and she was more than welcome to come along if our other friend was coming too as we had already booked and then she said oh she'd love to etc. so they came along.

There is always a drama with this girl, when she wants to go home we have to leave, if a guy isn't talking to her she gets in a huff, she thinks she's better looking than everyone else, she said to me one night when a friend of mine was over from the STates that she thought we were better looking than his girlfriend I was a little shocked, his girlfriend was both very nice looking and a very nice person.

When it comes to arranging nights out she waits for us to do it, she never does and to be honest its get a bit annoying. Now I am probably being petty here but now she has arranged to go out with a girl who is a mutual friend and who she had fallen out with before and she would still say stuff about her, this Saturday night and she didn't bother asking anyone else if they'd like to come and to be honest I am probably a little annoyed but then again I probably don't have any right to be.

Just wondering has anyone been in this kinda position before.

Thanks, sorry about the rant!

Esoteric_

So she gets moody with all of your group, bitches about other people behind their backs, thinks she's better than everyone else, demands attention and control over sitautions on nights out, gets angry if she's not the center of attention.

Why are you even bothering to still be friends with her?

shoes34

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Why are you even bothering to still be friends with her?

I wonder that sometimes myself, she doesn't have many other friends if I didn't arrange a night out she would stay home or if I went out with friends that she is not friends with she woudn't go out. This is the first time in months that she has gone out.

Another friend of mine said that maybe she looks up to me, I don't know why I don't like to be the leader of a group and not that my group of friends has a "leader" we all make the arrangement except she never does and then if she's not invited gets in a huff.

To make matters worse we live in a neighbourhood where she doesn't get on with the rest of the neighbours and I do and I don't want to get caught up in any neighbour disputes. Oh and we aren't children, even thought it may seem like that, we're in our 30s!!!

Esoteric_

Tbh I had guessed that you were both around my younger sister's age (19) when reading this, because she's going through the exact same thing with one of her 'friends' at the moment.

I'm not being smart here, but your other friend is wrong. She doesn't look up to you. She sees you as a pushover, because obviously you feel too guilty to leave her sitting in alone so you allow her to come along on some nights out and stuff.

If she's sitting in on her own - so what? She's the one who caused it by her awful behaviour.

There's only two things you can do really, from what I can see. Either confront her, tell her you're completely unhappy with her behaviour but want to remain friends (and then pray she changes or even listens) or just stop asking her out, don't feel guilty that she's sitting at home. People like that always find other friends, they flit from person to person because nobody can put up with them for very long.

If you keep indulging her and inviting her out, she'll continue to see her frankly atrocious behaviour as perfectly acceptable.

shoes34

Thanks and I agree with you, I am a pushover I don't like to see people left out and she knows that.

But going to take the advice on board and just get on with my own life and if she chooses to sit in and watch x-factor or whatever on a weekend night thats her problem not mine.

Miss Fluff

shoes34 wrote: »

Oh and we aren't children, even thought it may seem like that, we're in our 30s!!!

:eek: I've just spat out a rather large mouthful of coffee. From your posts on this issue I thought you were all about sixteen.

Seriously! The beauty of being older is that you are no longer friends with people due to circumstance. If you don't like someone anymore or find them toxic then stop hanging around with them, it really is that simple.

shoes34

I know that and i know its childish, we have mutual friends who are maried and living away and I guess I feel sorry for her as she is at home on her own if I don't invite her to come out with me, well I guess that's not technical true as she is now going out this weekend and didn't invite me !!!

I know many might think she is going out and not telling me, but she's not - anyway not going to dwelling on it too much just going to take the advice on board.

shoes34

Miss Fluff wrote: »

:eek: I've just spat out a rather large mouthful of coffee. From your posts on this issue I thought you were all about sixteen.

I know and as I said I don't like to feel someone is left out and she's knows I am a pushover and hate to think someone is upset.