Still not too old to worry about parents?

Fionne

I'm 36, you'd think that would mean that I wouldn't be worrying about my parents but nope, I find myself, yet again sitting here worrying myself sick over them.

Basically, they don't get on, kind of tolerate each other most of the time but then, like this latest scenario, he will go off drinking till unholy hours (4am in this case), my mother will give him a ticking off for doing it and making her worry, then he will refuse to speak to her for a week/fortnight and to top it off he refuses to take his medication (anti-depressants/diabetes/bloodpressure/cholesterol) as he knows it annoys her.

My plan was to just stay away from them till they sort it out. My youngest brother recently moved out so they're "home alone" for the first time in forever, which will only make things worse I think.

I live nearby so it's hard not to call and check up on things but really I'd rather let them stew in their own juices till they stop being so stubborn or just cop on. But my sister is worried and has asked me to call to see them after work, so I feel compelled to do so.

When do you stop caring whether your parents are getting along or not? Do you ever?

Kinda wishing one of them would just move out and put an end to this cycle of things being ok, then it all going to hell, then it being ok again, etc.

I fancy the life of an orphan!

Lollipops23

If your sister is so concerned can she not drop by herself?

Fionne

Lollipops23 wrote: »

If your sister is so concerned can she not drop by herself?

She's at college by night so can't call tonight. Gonna be heading there shortly and you'd think I was going to the gas chamber I'm dreading it so much. Parent's - who'd have em!? :mad:

Lollipops23

fonril wrote: »

She's at college by night so can't call tonight. Gonna be heading there shortly and you'd think I was going to the gas chamber I'm dreading it so much. Parent's - who'd have em!? :mad:

They're a grown man and woman. Unless they're infirm or not well there's no need to drop in every night(as your sis is insisting tonight I'm assuming it's a fairly constant thing).

Seriously, if she's that concerned tell her to drop in herself sometime. Sounds like she can't be bothered to do it herself.

SlimCi

I think you all need to give them space....they'll work it out for once and for all now that they are alone together with no children around.

Firetrap

Your initial plan was a good one. Your parents are still in reasonably good health so they don't need to have you checking up on them. They're both grown ups so they should be able to solve those problems of those on their own. In fact, I'd argue that having you or your siblings involved in it is stopping them from sorting the problem themselves. Ultimately it's their marriage and it's up to them to make it as good or bad as they want it.

Taltos

I agree with the rest. It's their marriage and relationship, they have to sort it out themselves.
However another approach is to go to them both and let them know that their head games are messing you all around too much. Suggest that for the next while none of you will be about with the intent that they both use this time to grow up, especially your dad - drink and meds, he really needs to cop on.

Op you may need to be prepared though to walk fully away, or to be there for your mum if she decides she has had enough...

stinkle

I agree with the advice where you either leave them to it or tell them to sort it out themselves. I've been in a similar situation, folks went thru a bad patch when my gran finally went into a home. She had lived with us for years and it had put a strain on my parents but I think they were upset that things didn't magically fix themselves after. Me, sis and bro were still at home too. I'm the eldest and the parents put alot of responsibility on me, slagging each other to me etc.

In the end I become v withdrawn and wouldn't entertain them, eventually it came to a head and I broke down to them over the situation I was being put in. They copped on then. I subsequently saw a counsellor who thought I had handled it well by refusing to indulge their head games and calling them on their childish ways. its their prob OP, they need to sort it out and not use their kids as crutches. Why should you visit a place where you feel uncomfortable? I hope things turn out ok for you and them.