Too easy?

LegacyUser

Hey Guys.
I wrote here about my new boyfriend here recently but now I'm back.
We are both 20, In university. We have known(dated) eachother for 2 month, an official couple 1 month. We get on great, alot in common, our chemistry is great. But my mother has passed a remark that has stuck in my head.
College started in the middle of September, around the same time we became official. We've been on the go to lectures etc and balancing friends so we are both busy.
But the dates have stopped. Basically, when we do see eachother, its either lunch or a make out session in the library/garden. I hinted at a date and he came up with suggestions so I choose. But my mam said I'm becoming a 'walk over' because of the lack of effort with dates.
How can I get back the chase? Ya know, the dates and anticipation ? I love seeing him and being around him, but I would like to feel ...special? A treat?
I'm no way high maintenance at all, at least I hope I'm not coming across spoilt, and yeah I enjoy the roll around in the grass, I'm not going to pretend I dont!
But...... I dont want our relationship to revolve around that and the quick meet up. Then again, my friend pointed out we're in the honeymoon stage.(plus, we dont live near college)

I mean, another thing that gets me is that he's gone out alot without me.... I went out once with him but that was it. He does invite me but the distance from my home and the city presents travel difficulties.
He does alot of going out and I am just wondering, do I turn a blind eye or what? I'm not sure how I am meant to feel about it. Should I worry?


Advice please?
Thanks guys.

Wompa1

cat19 wrote: »

Hey Guys.
I wrote here about my new boyfriend here recently but now I'm back.
We are both 20, In university. We have known(dated) eachother for 2 month, an official couple 1 month. We get on great, alot in common, our chemistry is great. But my mother has passed a remark that has stuck in my head.
College started in the middle of September, around the same time we became official. We've been on the go to lectures etc and balancing friends so we are both busy.
But the dates have stopped. Basically, when we do see eachother, its either lunch or a make out session in the library/garden. I hinted at a date and he came up with suggestions so I choose. But my mam said I'm becoming a 'walk over' because of the lack of effort with dates.
How can I get back the chase? Ya know, the dates and anticipation ? I love seeing him and being around him, but I would like to feel ...special? A treat?
I'm no way high maintenance at all, at least I hope I'm not coming across spoilt, and yeah I enjoy the roll around in the grass, I'm not going to pretend I dont!
But...... I dont want our relationship to revolve around that and the quick meet up. Then again, my friend pointed out we're in the honeymoon stage.(plus, we dont live near college)

I mean, another thing that gets me is that he's gone out alot without me.... I went out once with him but that was it. He does invite me but the distance from my home and the city presents travel difficulties.
He does alot of going out and I am just wondering, do I turn a blind eye or what? I'm not sure how I am meant to feel about it. Should I worry?


Advice please?
Thanks guys.

Sounds like your mother is very cautious...has she met the guy or is she just trying to spoil things without any grounds to?

You are both 20 years old and in college, which presumably means you don't have much money. You say he's invited you out...but you don't go.

He gave you options for dates which suggests he's willing to date...but because your mother says so you think it's not good enough?

What kind of dates did you go on before? Presumably during the summer when he was meeting up with friends less and had more money (Not that it makes it acceptable but the majority of young people in this country would do the exact same thing in college)

He's willing to bring you out..if it's not good enough then tell him or say goodbye

starlit

cat19 wrote: »

Hey Guys.
I wrote here about my new boyfriend here recently but now I'm back.
We are both 20, In university. We have known(dated) eachother for 2 month, an official couple 1 month. We get on great, alot in common, our chemistry is great. But my mother has passed a remark that has stuck in my head.
College started in the middle of September, around the same time we became official. We've been on the go to lectures etc and balancing friends so we are both busy.
But the dates have stopped. Basically, when we do see eachother, its either lunch or a make out session in the library/garden. I hinted at a date and he came up with suggestions so I choose. But my mam said I'm becoming a 'walk over' because of the lack of effort with dates.
How can I get back the chase? Ya know, the dates and anticipation ? I love seeing him and being around him, but I would like to feel ...special? A treat?
I'm no way high maintenance at all, at least I hope I'm not coming across spoilt, and yeah I enjoy the roll around in the grass, I'm not going to pretend I dont!
But...... I dont want our relationship to revolve around that and the quick meet up. Then again, my friend pointed out we're in the honeymoon stage.(plus, we dont live near college)

I mean, another thing that gets me is that he's gone out alot without me.... I went out once with him but that was it. He does invite me but the distance from my home and the city presents travel difficulties.
He does alot of going out and I am just wondering, do I turn a blind eye or what? I'm not sure how I am meant to feel about it. Should I worry?


Advice please?
Thanks guys.

To be honest, I wouldn't worry too much what your mother says. I'd ignore her if I were you but just take on any advice or concerns she has in mind but try not to let her influence your decisions too much when it comes to your boyfriend. Its your life you are old enough to make your own choices and live your life the way you want it not the way she wants it! Ye are practically adults and both in college, ye have grown up so its not for her to judge you are a grown woman she has to put up with that. She is being overly cautious and a bit over protective but that's mother's for you, she might think she is right or you might think she is right or wrong but mother's aren't always right and don't always know what is best for their 'adult child' they never do only the adult child such as yourself knows best for you! Your mam just has to put up with what ever choices you make its not her life its yours.

Maybe your boyfriend is very busy with college you can't help that. Maybe he just chilling out a bit. Don't worry too much maybe he rather have one on one time to get to know you first before tagging you along don't feel too hurt by it, sometimes he might just like to hang out with his friends/classmates and so on. He is probably just enjoying college, meeting new people enjoying the social and college life like. Ye need space too and not be in each other's pockets all the time either like. Make the heart grow fonder when ye are separated and meet up again and all that.

once the honeymoon stage is over, its make or break when it comes to keeping a relationship going or not that's what happens to me not saying it will happen to you hopefully not just try not to let the relationship be too forced and let it run its course. Its a time for ye to get to know each other before being full on so take yer time no rush. College is meant for having fun and making a go of things.

I wouldn't think you are being walked over though definitely not ye both initiated the dates and so on really and agree to meet up who ever asks it shouldn't matter really its how ye get on in the dates. He might pick and choose things when it comes to dates but so should you but I don't see what you mam be on about if she thinks heh is walking all over you I don't think he is to be honest and you have nothing to worry about.

I wouldn't turn a blind eye too much when he going out he is entitled to go on nights out as much as you whether ye are together or not when ye go out shouldn't matter!? If he invites you then well come to an arrangement then if you can stay over night in the city somewhere like a friend/classmates gaff or maybe his place or at hotel or stay near where ye be going out or something. Otherwise get a place of your own or move in with other students unless you already have then well see if you can make an arrangement to stay a night in the city when ye head out, no harm in that if the distance and travelling gets in the way.

Ham Sambo

Can you not stay over in the city when you go out with your BF or has it got to that stage yet???

cat19

cat19 wrote: »

he's gone out alot without me.... I went out once with him but that was it. He does invite me but the distance from my home and the city presents travel difficulties.
He does alot of going out and I am just wondering, do I turn a blind eye or what? I'm not sure how I am meant to feel about it. Should I worry?

This bit confused me.

You're bothered by him going out without you? Especially since he's invited you, there's nothing wrong with him going out without you. Unless there are pics of him all over facebook with other girls draped around him, there's nothing to worry about. You say you're not sure how you're meant to feel about it - you're not meant to feel anything about it. Join in or leave him to it.

As for the rest, have you considered organising a date? I don't get why he should be doing everything. Doesn't sound fair to me that he should organise everything and you should just have to show up and be treated "special". Put a bit of effort into organising a date, where all he has to do is show up. Level the playing field and then maybe he'll feel more inclined to keep working at it.

LegacyUser

Hey again.

Thanks for all the responses. And something struck me. I am actually afraid of the honeymoon being over. Settling into it? But I think we are good.
I really gotta stop overthinking. I got spooked. Simply cause it's going well. I was picking at us cause my last experiences werent great. Honestly though, I think I love him.

Thanks again guys. Really appreciate voices of sense!

qwertytlk

You need to make the effort.@wheater you live far away from each other and that awkward travel wise, or not. Why dont you plan something, a date? Or talk to him about it? As for him going out without you, well if he invites you to go with him, but you decline (for whatever reason) then hes not just going to stay in because your not going! So i wouldnt worry about this if i was you, because the main thing is that he does invite you. Id start worrying if he didnt!