Help advice whatever you want to call it!

Malmedicine

Ok so here is the story.
Started seeing a girl about 8 months back and after about 1 month we decided to go steady but at the same time I got a really good job offer in NZ but only for 4 and a bit months. Was told if I was decent they'd offer more. So kinda always had this plan to leave and the girl knew well. But as we started going out longer and longer I fell in love and so did she (or so she would say).

Anyway cut to the chase I gave her a chance to break up with me in July just saying "look I know its a long time and a long distance so if your not into this seriously, let's just enjoy the last few days together and then we can go our separate ways and see what happens when I get back" she said that wasn't what she wanted.

So I'm over here in NZ and everything seems to be going fine we talk on skype a good bit she fills me in on her day I on hers. Then she goes to Thailand and I get this really ****ed up message saying she doesn't know what we are and that her friends don't think its working between us. I was on call when I got this message and was absolutely seething so let one of my mates listen to it, he said it was ****ed up. Anyway confronted her about it the next day and she says she has no idea where it came from that she had taken mushrooms and was off her face. So I calmed down and let it slide. And things were good for another month until I was about to leave for a short holiday and she was a bit weird on the phone (Morning here night there I presumed) anyway left for a week and was outta internet coverage so couldn't really talk. Anyway got a phonecall the following Saturday, basically saying its not working out. I kinda didn't want to deal with it so was curt and cut her off.

I rang her later when I had cooled down and she said that it wasn't working out that shes not into the romantic stuff and she doesn't like to talk about her feelings and the fact I put stuff on facebook - linked Pearl Jam's Just breathe onto her wall wasn't on and that I had let my mate listen to her voicemail from Thailand was betrayal.

I said that's fine but just be sure you know that it was you that ended this. We won't be friends, we won't talk we won't meet up we probably won't see each other again. She said that that would be harsh because I still speak to my other significant ex the odd time (like once every six months) and petty - kinda replied with difference is she didn't break my heart. This was about a 2 min convo. I then deleted her and her mates from Facebook and had changed my relationship status before this and just put up that we had broken up, no fairytale and thanks for the memories. She went apopleptic over this the next day!

Now after my 2 minute convo I wasn't really satisfied so I rang her the next day just for some closure. 1 hour later after a few tears I hung up deleted her off Skype.

Ah the problem - I still love her, miss her unbelievably so looking for some advice

1. Should probably give her her own space for a bit
2. Then what
3. Do I go after her
4. Do I just let this die
5. Do I wait till I'm back in the country

Any and all advice welcome

BraziliaNZ

Don't humiliate yourself further. Leave it. Wait till you get back to Ireland for starters, and then take it from there. Meanwhile she may get in touch with something substantial to say, but she probably wont, they never usually do.

Wompa1

Malmedicine wrote: »

Ok so here is the story.
Started seeing a girl about 8 months back and after about 1 month we decided to go steady but at the same time I got a really good job offer in NZ but only for 4 and a bit months. Was told if I was decent they'd offer more. So kinda always had this plan to leave and the girl knew well. But as we started going out longer and longer I fell in love and so did she (or so she would say).

Anyway cut to the chase I gave her a chance to break up with me in July just saying "look I know its a long time and a long distance so if your not into this seriously, let's just enjoy the last few days together and then we can go our separate ways and see what happens when I get back" she said that wasn't what she wanted.

So I'm over here in NZ and everything seems to be going fine we talk on skype a good bit she fills me in on her day I on hers. Then she goes to Thailand and I get this really ****ed up message saying she doesn't know what we are and that her friends don't think its working between us. I was on call when I got this message and was absolutely seething so let one of my mates listen to it, he said it was ****ed up. Anyway confronted her about it the next day and she says she has no idea where it came from that she had taken mushrooms and was off her face. So I calmed down and let it slide. And things were good for another month until I was about to leave for a short holiday and she was a bit weird on the phone (Morning here night there I presumed) anyway left for a week and was outta internet coverage so couldn't really talk. Anyway got a phonecall the following Saturday, basically saying its not working out. I kinda didn't want to deal with it so was curt and cut her off.

I rang her later when I had cooled down and she said that it wasn't working out that shes not into the romantic stuff and she doesn't like to talk about her feelings and the fact I put stuff on facebook - linked Pearl Jam's Just breathe onto her wall wasn't on and that I had let my mate listen to her voicemail from Thailand was betrayal.

I said that's fine but just be sure you know that it was you that ended this. We won't be friends, we won't talk we won't meet up we probably won't see each other again. She said that that would be harsh because I still speak to my other significant ex the odd time (like once every six months) and petty - kinda replied with difference is she didn't break my heart. This was about a 2 min convo. I then deleted her and her mates from Facebook and had changed my relationship status before this and just put up that we had broken up, no fairytale and thanks for the memories. She went apopleptic over this the next day!

Now after my 2 minute convo I wasn't really satisfied so I rang her the next day just for some closure. 1 hour later after a few tears I hung up deleted her off Skype.

Ah the problem - I still love her, miss her unbelievably so looking for some advice

1. Should probably give her her own space for a bit
2. Then what
3. Do I go after her
4. Do I just let this die
5. Do I wait till I'm back in the country

Any and all advice welcome

Re-read your own post and think, is this the kind of girl I want to be tied down to. I know it's really difficult, love is blind. You can fall in love with a person really quick and then only after you've had your heart broken you realize they were full of crap and weren't genuine.

I had the same thing happen to me but I'm getting over her now. The ladies in New Zealand might treat you better than this cow. She breaks up with you and then gets defensive about you playing the recording for your friend even though in it she's talking about having discussed things with her own friends. She is a coward. Struggle with the hurt and pain for the next while and then move on. Best of luck!

Oryx

Sounds to me like the whole situation was a bit of a headwreck and she handled it particularly badly. LDRs are notoriously difficult and some people can just go a bit do lally with the distance. You may love her, she may love you, but right now by trying to hold onto something, its just causing you both heartache.

Malmedicine wrote: »

1. Should probably give her her own space for a bit

Absolutely, yes. Get your head clear, and let her do the same.

2. Then what

Dont think about that till youve got past 1. above.

3. Do I go after her

Why? What would change right now?

4. Do I just let this die

No, you get on with your own stuff and at a later stage if there is a proper chance at a real relationship, get in touch.

5. Do I wait till I'm back in the country

I dont see that you have a choice to do anything else. It would seem that not having you around but still hanging on for you is twisting the knife with her. Give her space. Give yourself space. See how your head and heart feels once a few weeks or months have passed. The worst part of a break up is the early stages when it hurts like hell. Let that ease, get some clarity.

Malmedicine

Cheers Boardsies. I'll take the advice . Still difficult but getting better day by day. Still hurts but lessening.