So i told my best friend...

Jerry co

Not sure what exactly has brought me to write this. I don't know if anybody will take anything from this or not. If they do then that's all the better.

Bit of back story - 26 years old guy, I've been trying to build up the courage to tell my best mate the news since last christmas basically. It was then that I finally accepted the fact I was gay myself after years of my head/mood being all over the place.

Anyway, after many failed attempts where I either chickened out or some dutch courage would turn into me getting put in a taxi before i could say anything, I finally decided i'd tell him last weekend. So a few of us ended up in his gaff after the pub on saturday night. There were many false starts where we'd be out the back having a smoke only to be interupted by someone or i'd chicken out and think "crap, next smoke, next smoke!!".

Eventually I managed to say "man I've something to tell ya", cue my left leg starting to shake uncontrollably due to nerves and adrenalin, I paused for ages purely through fear - wasn't aiming for some xfactor style suspense - before tripping over the words "I'm gay". My mate turned around and said "Is that why you're so nervous?! Man, I don't care about any of that. Won't change a thing" and gave me a hug.

He told his girlfriend my news the next morning and I had a good chat with her about it. He was very quiet on the Sunday and I feared he was getting awkward the more he thought about it but he emailed me yesterday to apologise if he came across quiet, he was simply viciously hungover! He went on to say that he would always be here for me and that whatever i decide from here on in, himself and his gf would be right behind me. Basically he is a legend !:D

Some of you may resonate with that, others may think "guy supporting best mate" isn't that big of a deal. I suppose I just wrote it if anyone is like I was only a few weeks and months ago - fearful, depressed, confused, panicked, and most of all feeling alone even if you're surrounded by a load of friends.

I know that was the first baby step on a long road ahead of me but personally it was a fcuking massive leap forward! Up until now I was this insecure and very confused guy, playing gaa fearful that anyone on the team or others would even get suspicious, never thinking i could eventually actually say it to someone. I suppose, it's just to say it get's better. I've along way to go but that concrete block that weighed down on my chest at night, that just lifted off me.

esposito

Fairplay to you man. Have you told your parents yet?! Like you, I was in total fear when I was preparing to tell my best mate two years ago. I will never forget that day. Pretty much the same reaction too.

deasyd

Fcuking excellent story man! Well done for finally following through. You obviously feel great and hold on to that mate too. Sounds like a good guy to have around. Thanks for sharing the story. You're an inspiration

Best of luck for the long road ahead :cool:

Jerry co

Thanks guys. Yeah it felt good, to say the least. When I told him, I said he could tell his gf as they're going out years and i'm good friends with her too and it would be unfair expecting him to keep it from her.

Didn't expect him to say it straight away though! She came in to me the next day when I was on the couch and sat down beside me and said "I heard your news". I was thinking "sh1t! this is moving too fast - 2 people in 2 days!" but again she was really sound about it and we had a good chat.

esposito - no haven't told the parents yet, (small matter of a few older brothers aswell !). was actually thinking of telling them the next time i'm back home. I do think that my mum knows or at least has an inkling. im not actually too worried about telling my parents, i think they'll be ok about it. still i'll be bricking it when i tell them as i'll be without the crutch of being hammered like i was with my mate!

MOSSAD

:DWhat a great story to start the day to! You're getting there. I'm sure all will be fine with your family and you'll ask yourself "what was I so worried about?".
Look after yourself.:D

giveth

I was in your position this time last year. Told all my family and friends over the space of a week. Like you, I was bricking it even though I knew that they'd all be ok with it.
I remember waking up the morning after telling the last person and crying uncontrollably for about 5 minutes! It was the complete happiness/relief and all the tension of the week.
One year later and I can honestly say I've never been as happy as I am now.

df1985

same position as yourself last febuary, and the booze brought it out. great to know your mates there for ye, i got the exact same reaction-its a huge boost.

it might snowball from here a bit, once it goes good initially it gives ye some encouragement. for 3 months after or so any time i got pissed i told another mate or 2 until all my close mates knew....and none of them cared.

youll be grand.
Bloody drink!

im...LOST

Similar thing happened me.

Friends taking it well make the world of difference!

floggg

Delighted for you. I know how horrible the build up is and how great the relief is. Glad they took it well.

Plan on telling my Dad this weekend myself. He's last of the family to know. Beat believe I'll be drunk though!

Edit - nope, he's away this weekend. I've been trying to tell him for months but every time something gets in the way! Grrr

oisindoyle

Congratulations and well done,,,,Great story to read and a fantastic raction from your mate ,,,
Well done again and best of luck for ther future

Matt32

Well done mate, fantastic story. I was in a similar position with my own friend and it worked out exactly like you described there (even down to the leg shaking bit).

mtnh

Very happy to hear it!

Jerry co

.....amongst others!

Right, thought I might give this a bit of an update. Mad few weeks in some ways. Since telling my mate and his girlfriend, I've had some great chats and gone over a lot stuff with both of them - drunk and sober!

Anyway as a result of getting a lot of sh1t off my chest and my mate happily listening to it, I've told a few more since - 2 mates, girl in work, flatmate (who's also a good mate), 2 brothers and my parents. Not bad going I suppose!

So far, all reactions have been good, some were surprised some weren't. Parents were ok with it - supportive but not jumping around the living room or anything but seem to be getting used to the idea, although I haven't actually been home since I told them (purely coincidence). The two brothers were surprised but 100% supportive and have already moved onto phase 2 and have begun slagging (all good natured) me about it!

Anyway, overall a mad few weeks! Had a bit of a panic attack last week, was fearing the whole process was going too quickly and was about to be taken out of my control. I still want to tell a few people personally before it inevitably goes public. My mate was on hand to calm me down though and i'm feeling better this week. Ideally I'd like to keep it at this level for a month or two, with family and very close friends only knowing. I'm getting used to the idea of people knowing though.

I know there's a long way to go but overall - A lot done, a lot more to do!:)

Killer Pigeon

Well done, congratulations!!

floggg

Well done OP, and great to hear its going well for you. It's s strange time for anybody to go through, yet exciting and liberating!

Hope it continues to go as well for you.

MOSSAD

Tough day here but the world put to rights with this news!

ninty9er

Well done.

The whole being taken out of your control thing is something that freaked me out for a while until I accepted it was inevitable.

Met one of my childhood friends in a nightclub and told him, I think once I realised how insignificant my news was to everyone else, even though they were supportive and still are I kinda got over telling people.

I suppose it's like someone having diabetes, they'll tell you if they need you to know, but it's not a huge deal to me, but a big deal to someone who's got to get used to watching their sugar intake.

Bad example I know...was trying to think of one I'd experienced

df1985

yea OP it can snowball a bit, but if you say to people youve told to not blabber it then they generally wont. I found my mates told one or two people after it was a little bit better known. its now at a point where im not 100% certain who does and doesnt know, but the fact people know who havent mentioned it to me, shows how little people care nowadays.

Jerry co

Thanks for the support guys

Sitting here in my room on my laptop. Other flatmate is out in the kitchen - haven't told this one yet! Just the two of us in the gaff. Think i'll tell him now but a wave of nervousness has come over me again. Fcuk this for a game of soldiers!

Jerry co

Another time maybe - he's been holed up in his room on skype to his mates. Will leave it til another time over the next few days.

floggg

Jerry co wrote: »

Another time maybe - he's been holed up in his room on skype to his mates. Will leave it til another time over the next few days.

An don't worry, there's no rush and you'll find the right time soon enough.

LegacyUser

hey there

Am going logged out for this

I was very nervous about telling people. have to admit that I was kinda living a lie for my adult life and am currently 35 years old. I told my sister whilst on a night out and whilst she expressed surprise, she did not shun me or anything. I am bisexual. I also told my nephew who is 18 years old and he didnt even bat an eyelid.

There are some family members who I am afraid to tell, but I suspect they can tell.