Where next? Lost job, friends, GF... Depression swolling me whole

LegacyUser

Hi,

I don't really know why I'm posting here. I guess I just need somebody to talk to right now or to hear me out

Slowly but surely my whole life has been turned upside down over the past few months. My lifes a mess at the moment. Each day is becoming a struggle as I fall into a downward spiral of severe depression & I dont know what to do

I'm a guy, early 20's, college graduate, unemployed, still living at home & recently single.

To put it short, during the case of the last few months I've lost my Job due to a downturn in business & have been unemployed since. I lost alot of my 'friends' having gotten to that age where everyones busy with college/work/GF's or Fiances even.. And lastly, lost my GF of 2yrs+ the other week, which is becoming the final nail in the coffen.

I dont know how much more I can handle

My GF was my life, and literally felt like what little I had left. We met roughly this time 2yrs ago & had never once looked back. Everything about us clicked. We rarley argued or had disagrements. If we did it was all very short lived. We were'nt shy about saying how we felt either, or any problems we had we resolved them straight out maturely. We had a solid loving relationship & cared deeply for eachother.

A month ago to this date I had a bomd dropped on me as I was getting ready to leave her place after a great weekend consisting of a date in the Zoo/park, dinner together then heading out the following night for the game with friends. I was all set to go out the door when she seriosuly blurtted out, 'do you think this works?' to my surprise...

...following a good hour or 2 of talking & crying, I got the message that for some reason unexplained, She felt this was it & was trying to get out it. We agreed & I upped a left on good terms tryna give us/her some time to think.

We arranged to meet a few days later for tea while we returned eachothers stuff. Turns out the reason for her thinking was, it had been on her for a number of weeks while we were apart(she was home working for 6 weeks) was that she felt restricted having me around. That she felt she could'nt live the 'college life'. You see shes a 19yo from another country studying here, shes been here 2yrs from a 4yr course. I met here within a few weeks of her getting here & we soon started dating. But yeah, she felt restricted being with me because she felt she could'nt be 'wild' i.e play strip games for fun or other such games without me dissaproving...

Fair enough, I understood. Once in a life time oppertunity, we're young, I want her to live it up as much as it would kill me. So we decided to stay friends...

BAD IDEA ...no less than 2 weeks to the date, we hooked up again for a once off. It was stupid yes, but it happened. Anyway, next day, we parted ways & decided it was best not to see eachother for awhile. We'll call in a few weeks/months & figure things out. I went with it & said goodbye.

No less than 24hrs later I found out shes already moved on & out seeing other guys ...Its a month later NOW & I still cant even look at another girl, nevermind move on after 1 ****ing day.

How much of a heartless bitch can leave a 2yr+ relationship & go onto sleep with someone else the following day?

I decided to forget it, as its only doing me harm than good. But curriosity got the better of me one night when I looked her up on Facebook to find shes also back talking to a guy she was supposed to date before I came along & ALSO.. shes sleeping with a prev twice her age...

...I fear shes also going off the rails, going out 5/7 nights a week on daddys money to 'live the life'. Shes gonna do something really stupid.

So not only is this killing me... Iv rarley left the house in the past month, I cant get everything off my mind. Im heartbroke, depressed & lonley with nobody to talk to. My friends are always too busy for me too... I feel im a lost cost.. going crazy sitting in my room 24/7, 12hrs online, 12hrs sleeping. repeat 7 days a week.

Where do I go from here? The depression & anxiety are getting the better of me.

Thanks for reading, I needed to talk to someone.

Big Bag of Chips

I'm really sorry that this has all landed on top of you at once.

The one thing you have to remember is that while your gf breaking up with you was a bolt out of the blue for you, for her it's been on the cards for quite a while. She didn't just think of it that 1st night that she said it to you. She will have been thinking about this for a while. Deciding, then undeciding etc. So while you see it as she hooked up with someone 1 day after, for her it's a bit longer. Do you know what I'm trying to say (very badly!)?

I can see her point a bit too. She's young. She's here for a certain type of experience and being in a serious, commited, long term relationship wasn't allowing her that experience.

Staying friends isn't going to work... for now. You both feel completely differently about each other and both want different things. A plutonic friendship can't work. Not while you are still in "that place". You need to delete her from your Facebook friends. Because keeping track of her every move isn't good for you, and it's unfair on her.

None of this is a reflection on you by the way. It's not like you've done anything to cause the breakup or need to be hard on yourself. She's just realising that being in a relationship is affecting her college experience.

You need to try really really hard not to contact her. Even if she sends you a "how are you" text, you can't reply. Maybe talk to her, send her a message one last time to tell her you can't do the friends thing at the moment. You wish her well, but don't want any more friendly contact. Tell her if/when you feel able for it, you will contact her.

You're grieving the loss of your relationship, and that is completely natural. You need to give yourself that time to grieve, and you can't do that if you are still in contact with her and checking up on her.

Good luck to you. I hope things start looking up for you soon.

username123

Hi OP,
Really sorry to hear youre having such a tough time.

Seems like you were already feeling down then you got the bad news from your GF.

On that - break ups are never nice. It doesnt matter if the other person is living like a nun afterwards or sleeping around - its still not nice.

Try not to focus on how she is now living her life. She is entitled to do whatever she wants and just because you dont agree with it doesnt make her a bad person for doing it. You need to not be in any contact with her, not be looking at her facebook, not be finding out anything about her life at all. Its the only way for you to move forward - to cut all ties.

If you are finding that you simply cannot function and need a way forward then I would suggest speaking to your GP. Dont spiral off into awful depression when there is help available - you ARE going through a tough time - its to be expected that you feel bad, but dont let it get worse.

All the best.