I greatly dislike my life

LegacyUser

I don't have a lot going for more me really. I'm a leaving cert student and I'd be of the best in my year. From primary school I grew up with a delusion that being smart would allow me to grow up to be a millionaire, a really successful person. What utter crap. Sure being smart allows you get the course of your choice but it doesn't take a genius to get into most courses. Its people skills that will get you most places.

I lack these skills and any other talents for that matter. My best friends from childhood are now acquaintances and I only have a few friends from school and no girls either. I must be just a really unlikeable person because as much as I try I'm usually left out, I don't get it to be honest. People don't really want to know me it seems, I can hold intelligent conversation and my few friends would tell you I can be very funny too. I wish someone would invite me to a party or something, seriously just give me a chance, nobody's ever given me a chance!

People here will suggest I join a club or something to meet new people or wait until college to meet people but I think you should really understand just how much this bothers me now.
Until this year I've maintained an A average in school exams, this summer I got C/D average. I was told I have clinical depression back in June and have been seeing a councillor. TBH the talking is calming but it doesn't do me much practical good.

I sit in after school lying on my bed for hours, you'd think I'd have something better to do. Even if I wanted to put that time to schoolwork I lack any sort of motivation.

And when I grow older, I don't desire to be very wealthy or famous, I just want to enjoy my life, whether it be a job I enjoy or the people I'm with.

Is it even possible that I've just been unlucky for a very long time for many things and many other things I didn't write about? Is anyone else to blame for how I turn out? Or are we born equal, and our own decisions determine entirely how we will turn out? I'd like to feel I've been unlucky and unjustly treated but in the back of my mind I'm thinking that maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself and I alone can answer for myself.

maygitchell

VerySad wrote: »

I don't have a lot going for more me really. I'm a leaving cert student and I'd be of the best in my year. From primary school I grew up with a delusion that being smart would allow me to grow up to be a millionaire, a really successful person. What utter crap. Sure being smart allows you get the course of your choice but it doesn't take a genius to get into most courses. Its people skills that will get you most places.

I lack these skills and any other talents for that matter. My best friends from childhood are now acquaintances and I only have a few friends from school and no girls either. I must be just a really unlikeable person because as much as I try I'm usually left out, I don't get it to be honest. People don't really want to know me it seems, I can hold intelligent conversation and my few friends would tell you I can be very funny too. I wish someone would invite me to a party or something, seriously just give me a chance, nobody's ever given me a chance!

People here will suggest I join a club or something to meet new people or wait until college to meet people but I think you should really understand just how much this bothers me now.
Until this year I've maintained an A average in school exams, this summer I got C/D average. I was told I have clinical depression back in June and have been seeing a councillor. TBH the talking is calming but it doesn't do me much practical good.

I sit in after school lying on my bed for hours, you'd think I'd have something better to do. Even if I wanted to put that time to schoolwork I lack any sort of motivation.

And when I grow older, I don't desire to be very wealthy or famous, I just want to enjoy my life, whether it be a job I enjoy or the people I'm with.

Is it even possible that I've just been unlucky for a very long time for many things and many other things I didn't write about? Is anyone else to blame for how I turn out? Or are we born equal, and our own decisions determine entirely how we will turn out? I'd like to feel I've been unlucky and unjustly treated but in the back of my mind I'm thinking that maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself and I alone can answer for myself.

How old? 17 or 18? You havent lived barely at all yet, which is normal enough!
Just hang in ther until you go to college or uni and YOU WILL find yourself, it is where everyone develops! where are you thinking of going?

qwertytlk

Hi op, you know the friends you referred to? Well if you are sitting in after school every day alone, could you not try to organise meetinf up with them more? Im sure it would do you the world of good to get out and about doing things and taking to people instead of siting home alone stewing on things- i dont think that does anyone any good. It certainley just makes me feel worse anyway!

I think alot of people go through this phase in their lives, feeling inquisitive,questioning everything and pondering the future. But as you get older and start to experience more of life, you will probably know more about what you want out of it. You seem to be quite mature for your age(im guessing your 16 or 17)and the fact that you can see how happiness is more important than riches or fame is, in my opinion, a fantastic thing. You are lucky to have that knowledge.

In regard to what you said about wanting to have more friends now, rather than when you get to college, well there is only one thing i will say about that and its this : most people who have formed friendships in secondary school think they will be friends wth the same group of people for ever. Lots of them are probably planning on doing the same courses and going to the same colleges. And while some of the friendships may last, the majority o them wont because when people leave school and start college a whole new world full of new peope and exciting new experiences is opened up to them. People start mature and become more individuals with new interests. This is when lots of new friendships are made, ones that are more likely to stand the test of time. Also you will probably start to make more female friends in this period in your life. I know at your age i was just dying for the future to come, for things to happen, to be older. But trust me, it will. And when this phase in your life begins you will probably feel alot better about the things you have mentioned. I hope this helps in some way. Also in regard to your depression, i think its really good that you are seeing a counsellor as its good to have someone you can discuss everything with. Perhaps you should mention the things you have posted about to your counsellor, if you havent already and get a professionals perspective too. Best of luck with everything

LegacyUser

Hi, thanks for replies.

I'm only just 18,
I'd like to go to a good university locally so Ucd/Tcd are really the only ones I'm looking at.
I do go out with a couple friends I have as often as possible, weekends mainly, but thats not always possible and its more difficult on weekdays so that doesn't happen as often.

I'd like to wait for college, I really would, but like I said its just very difficult having to give my all this year when being so sad puts me in a place where I'm completely unmotivated.

shannie

Loose the negativity and start being optimistic, your 18, get a grip?

qwertytlk

I understand but if you wamt to get into one of these colleges then you are going to have to do well in your LC. So being un motivated isnt really an option in that regard. Try to get motivated by thinking of college and the excellent experience this will be. All the friends you will make, the new exciting experiences that you will encounter etc. And believe me you wont be bored in college. Apart from your course work, which will keep you busy enough there is also endless parties, nights out, balls etc etc. Its less than a year away. And if you do go out most weekends and socialise now, then thats great isnt it?. I know when i was in school i didnt go out during the week, or very rarely anyway.
Besides this, i dont really know what to say. If you want more friends or different friends then you need to try and make them. Involve yourself with school activities more, maybe join the debs committee? All these things will bring you into close contact with other people, and this is a good way to form friendships..... If you want to be included in things then the best way for that happen is to include yourself, because if you sit witing for other people to do it for you, you could be waiting a long time! From reading your op i really cant see what the main problem is as you have friends, you go out most weekends etc? Maybe the problem is that you are suffering from depression and this is just casting a black cloud over everything, so that you just cant see the good things that are in your life?....

qwertytlk

shannie wrote: »

Loose the negativity and start being optimistic, your 18, get a grip?

come on, i dont think thats very fair. There is no need to be like that. Op is just trying to explain how he feels and imo negative responses like this dont help.

maygitchell

qwertytlk wrote: »

come on, i dont think thats very fair. There is no need to be like that. Op is just trying to explain how he feels and imo negative responses like this dont help.

+1


Get motivated OP, imagine whats ahead in uni, girls, sex, clubs, societies, new friends, some of the friendliest and caring people you'll meet!


Dont forget a third level education while you're at it!:D

Silverfish

shannie wrote: »

Loose the negativity and start being optimistic, your 18, get a grip?

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Aisling(",)

Hi op,

I'm sure I'll probably just echo the above points but I suppose thats no harm.I'd like to say fair play on the good school work you have done up to now.You were saying you're spending your evenings lying around listless,have you tried doing some excercise instead?If you're not used to it,it may be a bit of a kick but being active in the evenings might help you feel a bit better and if you pick a team sport or to join a club it might help you make friends on the social side aswell.I know you're in leaving cert year which will be very stressful but even taking an hour or two out of your week to get out and get actve could help you feel miles better.

Good luck with the exams and college and I hope that you feel better soon.

Firetrap

I'm not quite sure what to tell you other than to consider that nothing is set in stone. You've given yourself a right dose of tunnel vision and you've come up with some hair-brained, nay cynical theories about what life is like and how things will pan out.

You have some good things going for you but you can't actually see them with your own two eyes. You're intelligent, something you take for granted. You've got the chance to go to university. You've got friends. So what if you're not close to your childhood friends. People change as they grow. What's the point in looking back at what has passed anyway?

Stop thinking about the big picture. Honestly, if you start considering too deeply issues like inequality and how other people are doing, you'll go mad. Narrow your vision and look after your own patch. Concentrate on getting yourself a decent Leaving so that you can go on to third level.

It's not doing you any good lying on that bed for hours either. Do you have a parent at home who might help you? Not let you lie on that bed, driving yourself nuts.

LegacyUser

shannie wrote: »

Loose the negativity and start being optimistic, your 18, get a grip?

To the greater world outside of boards, I'm not a negative person. Whatever I'm feeling inside is kept there until I can talk to someone about it or post it here. I start each day as positive as possible, I am generally friendly with people. Nobody except my family and counsellor know that I have been suffering from depression and I don't let it on either.

So I am sad. I try my best which apparently just isn't going to cut it for me at all. I don't spend all my time waiting for opportunities to come to me but I would appreciate some return on work put in.

More than anything it just feels awful at 18 not knowing anybody of the opposite gender. And given my lack of social interaction outside of my own small group, there's little chance of actually meeting any girls anyway.

qwertytlk

Ok OP, in regard to the girls issue-you are 18 so you could go to a pub or club..lots of girls there? This may not be your thing, just a suggestion. If you do not get out there and try new things (i know this can be hard) then you really dont have much chance of getting involved with girls or meeting new people and being more sociable. If your friends dont want to accompany you then try meeting some new friends via some of the suggestions made in above posts. The only way for things to change is for you to change them. You are the architect of your destiny.

MissFlitworth

OP many, many people in Ireland have only friends of their own gender at the end of their teens. Probably a combination of the huge amount of single sex schools here & some natural shyness. It is 100% not something to worry about, everything changes in that regard when you go to college (even if you find yourself on a course with mainly guys), don't blow the lack of female friends into something bigger than it is.

There's no one to blame for how you feel at the moment (or any crap things that might have happened), cos it's kinda normal to feel/be the way you are at the moment. I'd say if you surveyed boards you'd be surprised at how many people here sat down at 17/18/19 and thought 'jesus this is sh1t, why does no one like me, why do I have no friends' etc. etc.

Make sure you aren't being your own worst enemy, hanging out in your room lying in bed isn't going to make you feel any better. Hang out with your family, get some exercise (good plan to be as fit as possible going to college for pulling reasons & also exercise helps with relieving depression), make plans with the friends you do have as much as possible.