Serious Lack of Motivation: Am I Depressed?

LegacyUser

Im just looking for advice if possible:

im a 32 year old guy, living with my girl friend and working full time. I should be happy right?

Well I am not happy though I try my best to hide it.

I suffer from a severe lack of motivation, and when i think back this has been an ever present all through my adult life. I really struggle to get up in the mornings whether on a work day or even on a day off.

I hate my job simply because I cannot motivate myself to do the job properly, instead leaving things to be done at the very last minute when i absolyely have to do it.

When i think back Ive had the same problem with jobs all through my adult life.

I have a very low opinion of myself and have often thought that things would be easier if i wasnt here.

My girlfriend and I have often talked of getting married but ive yet to ask the question simply because I feel she can do better than me and because I cannot see myself offering security with my job situation at all.

I have no idea what I wanna do realistically with my life, I have no particular skills or talents that I can fall back on.

My lack of motivation takes over every aspect of my life, even when arranging to do something with friends that I enjoy, often on the day I will cancel because i cant get motivated to go.

Please help with your advice. Some may say I'm just lazy or whatever but I know its deeper than that.

Taltos

OP - we are not permitted to give a medical diagnosis on this forum.

For such any diagnosis please go see your local GP.
All - please do not respond with any diagnosis or we will be forced to issue warnings/infractions and close this thread.

Taltos

beks101

Hi OP. I don't think you're lazy. I think it runs a lot deeper than that. I'm not sure how helpful I can be in terms of advice, but I'll give you my personal experience with something similar and what works for me.

For years, during and post-college, I found it hard to motivate myself in my social and personal life, outside of work. My situation was that my job was/is time-consuming and stressful and I'd come home and just want to flake out, sit down and do nothing.

It began to impact my life in big ways, from not having motivation to get to the gym (which let's face it, most people get), to not having any incline to do productive stuff when I was outside the office - a simple task like getting to the post office or doing a spring clean could take weeks, and I'd make no concerted effort with friends, family etc or plans would fall through etc etc. Getting up in the mornings was getting increasingly difficult too.

In my case, a diet and lifestyle overhaul changed my life. It was three things really - sleep, diet and exercise. I was a classic night owl, would sit up until 4am procrastinating and would then wonder why getting up at 9am was such an arduous task. I lived on crap, junk foods on the go and would then wonder why I felt sluggish and lethargic all day. Also was getting no exercise, which is vital for the endorphin rush and energy it gives you.

So I'd say to you - take a real look at your lifestyle here. Obviously working on your self esteem would be helpful too, maybe consider seeing a counsellor about the reasons why you seemingly self sabotage, but the physical stuff can go a very long way towards these issues too. How's your diet, do you eat lots of stodgy, high-sugar, high-fat foods? Any fruit and veg? Do you drink a lot? These are habits that are easily changed and could change your world. Since I've cleaned up my diet, I've noticed how sensitive I am to sugar in particular and if I eat an uncomfortable amount all I want to do is sleep.

Your sleeping pattern too - are you getting 7 - 8 hours every night? What time do you hit the hay and are you having problems getting to sleep? Exercise will massively help to regulate this too. I exercise a lot now and find it hard to keep my eyes open beyond midnight, my body just won't do it. Start training, that would be my advice to you. Whether it's the gym or running outside or cycling or whatever...set yourself a few mini goals, maybe sign up for an event you want to partake in and commit yourself to it 100%. I've found since I've done that, that things have fallen into place around it, I've got far more energy and am way more proactive.

Best of luck. Be patient with yourself too because self-flagellation will only make the situation worse - it's positive, not negative thinking that you need to practice to find your motivation.

qwertytlk

+1 to pretty much everything the above poster said. I used to feel really un motivated and i changed my diet and started excercising(nothing to vigirous, just going for long walks and doing pilates and situps at home) and it really changed my lifestyle. And it also made me feel less down on myself. Im not going to say it was a miracle cure for my low self esteem issues,but it certainley helped because i was getting up and doing the things that needed to be done and this made me feel like less or a waster, for want of a better word. But i also sought counselling for my low self esteem and this, in conjunction with everything else mentioned above really did change my life for the better. If you take one small step and try one thing each week my guess is you start to feel better because you have set goals and stuck to them. From what you said it seems there is lots of things you want to do, but havent got the motivation etc. Imo if you say to youself 'ok tomorrow im going to get up early, clean the house, go to the gym etc etc' that it will be too much for you and you just wont be bothered so maybe say, ok this week i am going to try and get up 2 days when my alarm goes off (instead of pressing snooze until the last minute) , and if you stick to this, it will make you feel good then you can try for 3 days the next week. You see what im saying - start with the small things and work your way up adding new things into the mix. like meeting friends or volunteering to do some project in work. Best of luck, i hope this helps in some way