Single life????

LegacyUser

Lately I have been feeling a bit down and out I terms of single life. Seems people around me are in and out pg relationships. I am 27 single, kissed once at 15. I don't know what to do when around guys. I feel friends When we go out are torn away by guys who approach them and I am there in the middle... on own. feel like what people say.. The ugly friend! I am not pretty, I am in the size 14/16 bracket so not as thin as all my friends..... So no glamour model. My style is very basic. I hate to pretend I am something or some one I am not for people. I just hope that actually I worry that this is going to continue for ever. I was out at the weekend with friends and all I could think about was being on my own fir the rest of my life. Made me sad
I was going to ask my girl friends opinion of what our guy friends think of me as in just so I can get a general idea of what guys think about and see in me? It's so stupid I know bit I suppose I want to see if there would be any hope for me.

LegacyUser

Lots of people feel this way but remember there is somebody out there for everybody. There is no such thing as objective beauty, and not every man is into slim women (yes some of us really do prefer a curvier figure.) You can always work on things like your weight and style too, although I know it's easier said than done and you can get stuck in a bit of a vicious circle.

But to be honest this really sounds like more of a self esteem issue. When you think this negatively about yourself I believe it tends to show, and that can probably be a bit of a put off to many people. Perhaps a small bit of counselling could be in order?

Either way you have plenty of options and don't ever feel stupid for feeling this way

musicinyou

you know i can tell you alot of guys go for looks, but to be really honest with you, its confidence that i personly find sexy! if your out and your feeling the way you do its gonna give that feeling off to possible targets!

what im trying to say is you should just go out and have fun, have a laugh and try not to stress yourself with the idea of meeting someone,

you have to learn to love yourself before you can contemplate loving anybody else, when i say love yourself i dont mean be an arrogant so n so,

as soon as you stop going out with intention of finding someone things will happen!

p.s personally i think curves are sexy, if the person behind the curves is confident in herself and everything that she is!!

ash23

Unreg24 wrote: »

I was out at the weekend with friends and all I could think about was being on my own fir the rest of my life. Made me sad

OP I'm bigger than you and I've never had any problems attracting men. Boyfriends yes, but a kiss or a fling, no.
You are going out and getting more and more depressed as the night goes on. This will show. Nobody is going to approach the miserable looking girl in the corner. You need to work on your confidence. A boyfriend won't magically make you feel better about yourself, in fact, I'd dare say you'll end up with the wrong person if you get a boyfriend feeling like you do. It'll either be someone who treats you badly because you're lacking in self esteem, or someone you don't really fancy or have anything in common with, because you want it so badly.

If you don't think much of yourself, how will you expect any man to?

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies...maybe i was abit harsh in terms of mentioning my size extra. I am happy with my weight etc. I have always been comfy with how I am...... its just i suppose I never have been approached by guys and feel a bit left out when it comes to the going out scene. Its disheartening when I can see my friends getting on with it...and I just make myself drift into a shell of invisibility because I am scared and shy of the whole night scene. Dont get me wrong i have male friends and when I am out with them its great but when it comes to trying to get to know someone I dont know. never seen before I shrivel inside. I just thought maybe because I dont get approached at all would my looks be a factor or now maybe its my attitude coming across as you have mentioned. I want to get past this but how?

nicechick!

Unreg24 wrote: »

Lately I have been feeling a bit down and out I terms of single life. Seems people around me are in and out pg relationships. I am 27 single, kissed once at 15. I don't know what to do when around guys. I feel friends When we go out are torn away by guys who approach them and I am there in the middle... on own. feel like what people say.. The ugly friend! I am not pretty, I am in the size 14/16 bracket so not as thin as all my friends..... So no glamour model. My style is very basic. I hate to pretend I am something or some one I am not for people. I just hope that actually I worry that this is going to continue for ever. I was out at the weekend with friends and all I could think about was being on my own fir the rest of my life. Made me sad
I was going to ask my girl friends opinion of what our guy friends think of me as in just so I can get a general idea of what guys think about and see in me? It's so stupid I know bit I suppose I want to see if there would be any hope for me.

You know I bet your a stunner and don't even know it!! Your self esteem has a wee low point and you know do just that ask your friends for support or suggestions! Already you displayed some really positive qualities you hate to pretend something your not which means your likely a very honest, well liked individual though there is nothing wrong with changing some elements but only to highlight whats already there!

Katgurl

Hey OP,

I have ranged from curvy to skinny over the years and never had a bit of bother attracting male attention - not always welcome so it's defo not your size.

I am wondering are you enjoying your nights out? When I look back at my late teens / early twenties and heading out with express intention of scoring guys I cringe because I don't think I enjoyed them. Even now in my mid 30s I sometimes still find myself out on nights with girls with that attitude. I purposely avoid going out with them.

For me, the best nights out are about getting dressed up, laughing with my friends and dancing. (Of course the irony is that any girl laughing dancing and enjoying herself attracts a lot of attention). I am fairly lucky too in that I enjoy the standard pub / nightclub / party scene so I have great craic when I'm out.

My sister however always hated these nights but forces herself out anyway. It took her years to realise it wasn't her scene, she embraced her passion for something else and now has a really active social life doing what she loves and I've never seen her happier.

What I'm trying to say in a very long-winded way is focus on enjoying yourself and your happiness will
act like a magnet to the right type of guys.

Oh and one last thing - I know you don't want to pretend to be someone you're not and if perhaps your friends skimpy clothes don't suit your curvier figure that's understandable but nobody should feel or dress like they are invisible. Watch a few style programs and get yourself dressed up into some figure-enhancing outfits that you feel beautiful in. Or keep an eye on what other girls are wearing and looking good in with similar figures. Ask friends and shop assistants for advice. Get a free make-up lesson at a MAC counter and keep your hair it's very best. I know beauty comes from within but it's not necessary to disguise it altogether.

T "real deal" J

The nightclub scene is intimidating, it's actually not the ideal way to meet people.

You're still really young and you've your whole life ahead of you. If you can summon up some determination perhaps you could:

Join a gym and get real into it.
Go jogging listening to your favourite music.

These are a great start you'll feel you have more energy and the more you do it the more you'll want to do it. You'll meet a few people in the gym aswell if you're in there a lot.

Maybe go to see live music in small venues, more of a talking environment than pow pow pow nightclubs.

You deserve better for yourself. It's not fair that you feel like this, when people get to know you they'll be much more interested. You need to work on giving yourself these opportunities whether it be by taking up more activities or socialising more.

Good luck i hope you succeed

Kevin Duffy

I say this not to be horrid OP, but if you had the demeanor you're painting there on a night out, no matter how physically attractive I found you, I wouldn't make a move 'cos I would anticipate either getting my arsé handed to me from the word go, or finding it hard work to get a chat going. A smile, eye contact and some obvious openess to being approached (such as not burying yourself in the middle of the group with a look that says you don't feel good) will do a lot for you.
It won't work every time, but it'll work more and more as you learn how to do it.

Firetrap

If you don't enjoy the nightclub scene, try other ways of meeting people. Nightclubs aren't for everyone; if you're not feeling comfortable when you're in there, your demeanour might be scaring people off. Do your friends socialise in other ways e.g. going to parties, to quieter pubs etc? You might have better luck meeting friends of theirs or their boyfriends?