Iv ruined our sex life

LegacyUser

As the title says, iv ruined mine and my fiances sex life.

We have been together almost 2yrs and she is the sexiest, most beautiful, funny and amazing girl i have ever met. But funny enough, thats partly the problem! She turns me on so much that i just cant control myself when we have sex and without going into too much detail, it ends up being over pretty quickly because as i said i just cant control myself. Iv never had this problem before with any other girl. I used to be able to last pretty much as long as i wanted. So iv discussed it with my fiance lots of times and she says she doesnt care, that if it last 2 mins or 2hours she will be equally as happy because its not just about sex, she wsants to be close to me also. So basically it wrecks my head so much and sex has become akward ( because of me, not her ) that iv just stopped initiating it and now were not even having sex anymore. She has said in the past that the more we have sex, the more il be able to control it. But it just drives mw crazy and i feel like a failure. I just dont know what to do now ,and we obviously cant go on like this, not even having sex. So anyone with any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

curlzy

Hey OP,

That has the scary possibility of pushing you too apart and could result in you loosing this wonderful woman. I would have a couple of questions;

- Why is sex over once you cum? If you finish that quickly can you not just concentrate on getting her off once you're done?

- Have you tried pausing when you get too close? Like take it as an opportunity to go south for a while before resuming.

- Have you tried extra strength condoms? They deaden the sensations a wee bit and could help

- Have you tried the Durex Prefoma condom? They use a special lube to control climax and help you last longer during sex. We tried them once and they do actually work, way too well in our case , I was sitting funny for a week.:D

So yeah, all those questions are also suggestions. Try diffent things. Don't just give up and take this as inevitable, there's always ways to improve things.

Best of luck.

Miss Fluff

Have you discussed this with your GP?

Work yourself over ban houreforehand.. And try the performa condoms.

dearg lady

Go to your GP and get checked to make sure there's no physical issues first.

If there's no physical issues then try some of the above advice, but please be aware, pushing her away and not initiating sex is doing more damage to your sexlife that not being able to last so long. Talk to your girlfriend, try not to focus on this issue too much, enjoy foreplay together.

Ickle Magoo

Why not just ensure she orgasms first or take her to the very edge of orgasm before penetration and then your longevity, or lack there of, isn't going to matter?

As Ads has suggested, you could also get yourself off an hour or so before sex to slow your orgasm down or try the desensitising condoms or spermicide. If it stops being a focus and worry then it should become less of an issue...you should also run it past your GP to rule out any medical issues.

All the best

OP, the length of time you're able to have actual intercourse for is absolutely not the be all and end all Get her off beforehand or again after, come together and then go again during intercourse... endless possibilities.
Don't stop having sex just because of that.

LeeHoffmann

What curlzy said. If you get there first, concentrate on her. Seeing as you're strongly attracted to her, I'm sure that pleasing her will get you excited again and then round two can begin. I understand you're frustrated and that you're anxious about your performance but, as others have said, the worst thing you can do is just stop altogether. Try out the suggestions here - particularly those mentioned by curlzy. Try things out with your fiancee and I'm sure things will get better. Try to see things from her perspective; consider her whole satisfaction and all of her needs (emotional, physical etc) - I'm just saying this because I think you need to focus a little less on the 'destination'. The journey there is just as important. You will get there if you don't give up. Good luck

maygitchell

Best advice here probably comes from the inbetweeners (with all seriousness might i add): Have a tactical **** beforehand! This is certain to calm you down

Spend time on her before having sex. A lot of time if needs be.

As for feeling awkward, if she says she doesn't mind, believe her. I certainly don't mind having sex without orgasm, it's still great. And while some girls might mind, if your girlfriend was one of them, she'd have brought it up by now.

She's a big girl; if she has a problem with your sex life she would have addressed it by now. But I'm sure she'd appreciate it if you gave her a little extra attention before sex.

KTRIC

maygitchell wrote: »

Best advice here probably comes from the inbetweeners (with all seriousness might i add): Have a tactical **** beforehand! This is certain to calm you down

Good idea, that way you're not going in guns blazing so to speak.

RandolphEsq

Try different sexual positions and see if there is a position you last longer in.

Zen65

Marteeeey wrote: »

So anyone with any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Your fiancée has given you the best advice there is: more sex.

Time will eventually help you pace yourself better, but not if you stop having sex now. More sex, rather than longer periods without sex, is an invaluable way of increasing your stamina and control.

There are other techniques you can use, including the "tactical w**k" suggested by other posters. Look up www.askmen.com and you will find some good advice on how to train yourself to perform better.

There are also special condoms available which include a gel which help to desensitise your penis, which might give you a helping hand at the start.

Whatever you do, don't maintain the no-sex strategy as it's only headed for problems.


Be at peace,

Z

Kevin Duffy

OP, while some of the above advice has its merits, really I think you need to look at the root cause which seems to me to be Performance Anxiety. You can apply all the tricks you like, but breaking the train of thought that makes you nervous that you won't last, which in turn makes you unable to last 'cos you're nervous, is a more lasting solution.

Have a look at these links and I'll bet there's loads more info. easily found, some of it more helpful to you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stage_fright

http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip_60/79_love_tip.html

Most importantly, you haven't ruined your sex life - you care about each other, she's supportive, the intimacy is still good and you're communicating - all good. You have a minor, easily solved, temporary bump in the road. You'll do just fine.