Don't know what to think

LegacyUser

I've been dating a guy I met online for the past two months. We see each other once a week, every week, and have only slept together a couple of times. I told him on our second date that I didn't want to rush into things and so far, we've been taking it slowly. We both have crazy schedules and work mad hours so we do have to do a lot of juggling to meet up once a week. We have arranged to meet again next week.

I have some issues from my past that makes it difficult to trust people, especially guys. Which is why I want to take things slow this guy 'cos I like him a lot so far and I think it could turn into something. When we were in bed together I told him it takes me a while to feel comfortable with a new guy and I told him I was nervous because I like him. But I don't know if he is as interested in me as I am in him, or if he is just respecting the fact that I need to keep it slow.

I have been able to open up to him more and more as the weeks go on, he is the first guy I've ever been so honest with and I feel like he is one of life's good guys.

But something is niggling away at me that I'm going to get hurt again. There's a few things that make me think he's just seeing me until something better comes along. For instance, he is always on his online dating profile and he logged onto it straight away after I left his house after sleeping together. We're not officially together so it shouldn't bother me, but it does. He also isn't the most affectionate guy- unless we've had a few drinks or we're in bed together. It makes me feel nervous about kissing him when we meet or trying to hold his hand or anything as I feel I'm going to be rejected. He wasn't a keen texter when we first met but communication between us has picked up as the weeks have gone on.

My gut feeling is to tell him I don't want to take things further, even though I really like him. In the past I never listened to my gut feelings & ended up getting really hurt, even though I could see the end of the relationship coming. My head is telling me to give him a chance, even though I risk getting hurt.

But with this guy, I don't trust my gut feelings as I think I'm trying to find any excuse to run away from this as I'm afraid of letting someone in and inevitably, getting hurt. I'd like to know where I stand with him and if there is a chance that things will progress with us. I just don't know how to go about this & bring it up- as I said earlier, I've never been this honest with a guy before. I want to take a chance with this guy, even if I don't get what I want. I'm sick of running away all the time and always wondering "what if".

I'm sorry for the ramble, but my head is all over the place. I feel like an idiot when it comes to guys.

indough

how can you have known he was online unless you were yourself?

Ickle Magoo

OP,

If you are online checking up on this guy the minute you have finished sleeping together then I think it's clear you aren't happy with how casual the relationship is.

You should lay your cards on the table and if he isn't interested in anything more, then at least you are free to move on and find someone else who is.

All the best

LegacyUser

Hey Op.
I myself just ended things which a guy I met online <snip> - which reminds exactly of the guy you are talking about.

Both of us had mad hours - particularly himself - we works every weekend and earlies etc as he works in TV.

We met a few times - once per week on a thursday night/ hes not a keen texter etc.

I guess it made me feel like he was meeting up for one thing and one thing only - In the end I was right.

Just be careful and if you are looking for more then you are getting - be honest!

Miss Fluff

If I were in your shoes, and having been someone who met some right rotters through online dating, I think you're right to listen to your gut. I think there are a lot of red flags if I'm honest.

The being online so soon after being intimate, the only meeting once a week, the lack of regular communication, not wanting to be demonstrative in public....not the actions of someone who is serious about you. Sorry to say it.

I think if you do like him then decide if you really do want to take this further/pursue things. If you do then you clearly need to lay your cards on the table here and see what's going on before getting in any deeper. You already sound quite emotionally invested so rather than let this drag on ad infinitum while sleeping with him and having no indication as to where it's going, for your own self-preservation have that chat. Going on what you've told us about him I personally wouldn't be taking it any further as he doesn't sound all that marvellous - just proceed with caution hon.

LegacyUser

thanks guys for your replies- good advice from all of you.

I've given the situation some thought since I posted the thread and I've decided to end it with him. I've been in this situation before and I ended up making excuses for the guy as to why he showed a lack of interest but I ended up getting hurt.

I'm going to say to him that I think it's time to call it quits, tell him that I'd like something more with him but feel I am more interested in him than he is in me.

I know which answer I am expecting to hear but at this stage of things, it will be more disappointment I feel than hurt.

I'm finally at a place where I know I deserve more and I don't want to settle.

Thanks again guys

I am a friend

If you have your mind made up and I think its the best move, I wouldnt be getting into the whole 'i think I am more into him than he is me' chat - he doesnt need to know that. Just tell him its not working for you, no explanation required and move on.