Is Garth Brooks right?

OutlawPete

Recently at the cinema .. some old dears behind me, obviously ignorant to the ways of proper cinema etiquette, were nattering away to themselves and sucking noisily. Boiled sweets by the sounds of it (wasn't the local OAP swingers that had come in from the cold for a bit of in-door dogging). No, this was three old biddies who's last time at the flicks, was most likely when they were going through their menopause back in the 80's and trotted along to see Shirley Valentine go through hers.

Anyway, could bear no more, but as they were obviously very rare cinema goers, I just closed my eyes, and in my head said a little prayer: "God, please shut those old biddies up before I throttle one of 'em!" With that, there was this weird noise, most unlike the nattering that preceded it. This was like the sound a small donkey might make, were it if being forced to a cliff edge, as a naked man was trying to mount it. So I turned around in my seat, only to see that the old women all now standing up, one of 'em in clear distress .. choking !!

So up I jump, and before I could tell myself that I should stay well out of this, to get help (I obviously having no idea what to do) I found myself going around and grabbing the choking old lady from behind and doing my best effort at the Heimlich (must have looked and sound, like I was raping the poor little OAP). I had to do something though, after all, it was my damn prayer that caused this affray. With that, something shoots out of her mouth (boiled sweet? dentures? piece of her lung). Anyway, her breathing resumed and I was then referred to as the "marvelous quick thinking young man!".

The movie went on and without all the nattering and sucking noises. Afterwards more thanks were praised upon me, for having saved the day .. or perhaps she died that night from a crushed vertebrae, as I'm sure I heard something crack as I was Heimlich'ing her, either way, I never found out, but the choking lady was alive when I left anyway.

In essence, what I came to say was:

.. I think Jesus choked an old woman for me!


So, are some of God's greatest gifts unanswered prayers? (as I wish this one was).

Have you ever prayed for something which you later regretted?

Chris P. Bacon

Welcome back Pete

Pherekydes

It wasn't the prayer, you have psychokinetic abilities.

OutlawPete wrote: »

So there I was .. all alone, going stir crazy, as my body plummeted further and further down into the pits of hell and all as a result of contracting the serious life threatening illness, which we commonly refer to as: man-flu. I tell you, women the world over should should thank their lucky stars that, by the good grace of biology alone, they will never have to needlessly succumb...

In before "STFU, you whiney man-bitch"

By the way, it's not 'needlessly'; it's God's way of thinning the herd.

slavetothegrind

Death won't be at all happy with you interfering in his bidness like that!

I'd stick to perving on delivery ladies if i were you!

westendgirlie

Has he stopped typing yet?

mike65

Can someone read that for me please?

Samich

Way too much effort put into that.

TanG411

The Red Strokes.

stupidusername

way too feckin long for reading, but yeah I think most of the time things happen for a reason. as in just because one thing you wanted didn't happen doesn't mean that what you get instead is any worse. or you're meant to learn from not getting what you want all the time. let's face it, if we all got what we wanted all the time, you wouldn't learn much in your lifetime would you?

ejmaztec

OutlawPete wrote: »

I lay here hooked up to my drip of Lemsip and Echinacea

I think someone spiked it.:(

OutlawPete

stupidusername wrote: »

way too feckin long for reading ..

Damn Twitter generation

stupidusername wrote: »

.. if we all got what we wanted all the time, you wouldn't learn much in your lifetime would you?

Wise words stupy.

stupidusername

OutlawPete wrote: »

Damn Twitter generation

Wise words stupy.

nah it's just me, i've low concentration as of late.

yay \o/ i'm wise.

Dartz

Prayed for free time.


...unemployed going on 16 months.

ilovesleep

What she's doing now

Big Nasty

No, he's not.

Answer: Yes!

Welcome back dude!

cml387

I think you'd get a better response in the Christianity forum.
Or maybe Films?

hondasam

Welcome back pete.

Reading this at work and in fits of laughter. This cheered me up.
Did you give her the kiss of life? are you meeting her again?

entropi

It wasn't the prayer, you have psychokinetic abilities.

Chris P. Bacon wrote: »

Welcome back Pete

+1 to that! Welcome back Pete

herosa

God does not exist, so prayers are irrelevant.

Dont blame yourself Pete.....blame it all on her roots,did she show up in boots?

4zn76tysfajdxp

Pete, where on earth have you been?

ilovesleep

I'll think I'll listen to a bit of garth brooks now.

Standing outside the fire

hondasam

Holland Scary Certificate wrote: »

Pete, where on earth have you been?

with his new woman saving her life.

hondasam

westendgirlie wrote: »

Has he stopped typing yet?

mike65 wrote: »

Can someone read that for me please?

Samich wrote: »

Way too much effort put into that.

Read it, It's very funny.

OutlawPete

Holland Scary Certificate wrote: »

Pete, where on earth have you been?

Oh don't ask man, long story.

Summer started off well (Daltrey in Marley Park being a highlight) but then one night, a month or so back, I come home and just as I'm sitting down to watch a Bogart classic and tuck into a curry, I hear my room-mate screaming in his bedroom. Now, I don't know if this guy is drunk, alone, being attacked .. nothing. For all I know he's in a gimp mask being buggered by our mad landlord.

So, I go into the kitchen and reach into the knife drawer for the biggest kick ass knife we have .. but as I reach in, my fingers get covered in fecking super-glue (room mate must have left the damn cap off the tube again). I pull out the knife anyway (worry about the glue later I'm thinking) and run up the stairs. Slowly I open my room-mate's bedroom door only to see he's just having a fcuking nightmare.

He wakes up, sees me and totally flips out! I try to explain but he pushes me, I bang my hand at this point I must have passed out, as the next thing I remember is coming to and this guy is standing over me taking photos. He then legged it out of the house saying he was off to the Guards to show them the photo. I can't talk to him as whenever he sees me in the house, this damn knife is stuck to my hand and just starts screaming, runs to his bedroom and locks the door.

My head is wrecked with guy tbh.

landsleaving

You forgot about the teacup!

hondasam

OutlawPete wrote: »

Oh don't ask man, long story.

Summer started off well (Daltrey in Marley Park being a highlight) but then one night, a month or so back, I come home and just as I'm sitting down to watch a Bogart classic and tuck into a curry, I hear my room-mate screaming in his bedroom. Now, I don't know if this guy is drunk, alone, being attacked .. nothing. For all I know he's in a gimp mask being buggered by our mad landlord.

So, I go into the kitchen and reach into the knife drawer for the biggest kick ass knife we have .. but as I reach in, my fingers get covered in fecking super-glue (room mate must have left the damn cap off the tube again). I pull out the knife anyway (worry about the glue later I'm thinking) and run up the stairs. Slowly I open my room-mate's bedroom door only to see he's just having a fcuking nightmare.

He wakes up, sees me and totally flips out! I try to explain but he pushes me, I bang my hand at this point I must have passed out, as the next thing I remember is coming to and this guy is standing over me taking photos. He then legged it out of the house saying he was off to the Guards to show them the photo. I can't talk to him as whenever he sees me in the house, this damn knife is stuck to my hand and just starts screaming, runs to his bedroom and locks the door.

My head is wrecked with guy tbh.

I luv you pete :D:pac:

you make me laugh.:pac:

CrazyRabbit

Holland Scary Certificate wrote: »

Pete, where on earth have you been?

Mountjoy. They're cracking down on jaywalking lately.