Cant come to terms with break up...

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Regular poster on boards, went unreg as didn't want to be recognised!

My boyfriend of 5 years decided last month that he no longer wanted to be with me. Am absolutely devastated since he only asked me to marry him in April. The week before he broke up with me we were going around looking at wedding venues and considering putting a deposit on a hotel and then all of a sudden he said he no longer wanted to be with me!!! My heart feels like it has been ripped out of my chest, to go from the feeling of such a high after he proposed to hit rock bottom in the space of 3 months. He bought a house 2 years ago after 2 years of renting together, he lives in my hometown, whereas his is 2 hours away...he always said this was my home regardless that it was his name on the mortgage and now he is kicking me out, that he would give me a month to get sorted with alternative accomodation...I'm also in college in Galway and live with his sister...the situation is just so bad...so not only am I going to have to pack up things here, I'm also gonna ave to look for somewhere else in Galway as it would just hurt too much to be around his sister.

He tells me it isn't a question of love, that he will always love me but just can't give anymore of himself in this relationship, i have been in floods of tears but yet he shows absolutely no emotion.

That month is now coming to an end and he hasn't changed his mind, we had a chat last night. He said that it wasn't his intention to hurt me and that he is truly sorry but he can't spend anymore time in a relationship he doesn't want to be in. I don't want him to be unhappy, I love him so much but I am struggling to walk away. I know once I move out of the house that that will be it. I know I'm being shelfish by putting my feelings before his but it has come at such a shock and my pain is so intense. I only told friends who are overseas as it's easier to type as opposed to sitting beside anyone and telling them. Also if I start saying it then it will become real... I feel like getting physically sick to think of him with someone else. He has been away every weekend since we broke up, I haven't managed to leave my room when I come home from college!

I always thought this was forever...and i know they say time is a great healer but the way I'm looking at it is that it is time away from him...

I'm also so embarrassed by it all..i'l have to tell the same people I text/rang 3 months ago to say that we are finished. The same people who spent money on cards and gifts...

We also have a daughter together while he has another daughter from previous relationship...a daughter I would count as my own. I would also have a very good relationship with his family, and now it's being all taken away from me... I'm losing all them too...

He won't consider getting outside help, he says I just have to accept that it's over...

Just wondering when does it start getting easier?? How can you come to terms with it?? I'm hoping that if I move out he'l realise that he made a mistake. I'm probably better off moving out sooner rather than later for my own sanity!!

Sorry if my post went on abit and is a bit all over the place ( like the inside of my head!!)

Miss Fluff

I'm not being funny, but I'm slightly amazed that you mentioned that you have a daughter together almost as an afterthought. Where is she in all of this? Does she come with you when you go to college or live with your partner? Also did he give any other reason bar him not being able to give all of himself?

Justask

Miss Fluff I cant see where the OP's child lives has anything to do with the Issue she has From reading the OP the OP is having trouble moving on from her ex.

OP, you poor pet breaking up is horrid and no matter what anyone says no one can tell you how long it will take, everyone deals with it in different ways. Just try surround yourself with family and friends and do your best to keep your mind busy. It will give less space for thinking about your ex.
believe it or not time does heal and it will get better. Go and treat yourself, Somethig small like get your hair done or nails etc.

This man s going to be part of your life untill your child reaches 18 which does make it a little more difficult because you cant cut all contact.

Be kind to yourself and take baby steps and you wll get there.:)

Wompa1

gets easier after about a year and they say you get completely over after half the time of the relationship..seems to be true.

gilmour

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I'm not being funny, but I'm slightly amazed that you mentioned that you have a daughter together almost as an afterthought. Where is she in all of this? Does she come with you when you go to college or live with your partner? Also did he give any other reason bar him not being able to give all of himself?

I try to avoid these forums because of judgemental posts like this, why on earth would you feel the need to actually ask that when it has little to do with the situation that the OP has, or needs help/advice/guidance with? And then people thank this type of post, **** me.


OP - i think most of us can in someway empathise with you, having your heart broke is a truly awful thing for anyone to go through, and particularly given your circumstances. From your post it definitely seems like he is sure of the decision he has made and from my own experience, when a partner makes it as clear as he has that they arent coming back, its usually the case.

As devastating as that is its important that you let your close friends know the situation and to not allow pride or shame/embarrassment (when you have absolutely no reason to feel embarrassed) get in the way of what you need right now, which is support from those friends and your family. Something like this is way too much for a person to go through on his/her own, especially as you already said that you're not leaving your room - being dumped is bad enough without torturing yourself by isolating yourself away from the world. I would also suggest counselling too.

As you said, time is the essence to recovery. But a strong support network is vital, and so too is accepting the fact that he doesnt want to be in the relationship. It'll be a long hard road but you're not the first to go through such a thing and you wont be the last, but like the rest of us you will get through it, given the right attitude and support. Take care of yourself OP.