I need the truth about lap dancing clubs

Northern Girl

Hi all

(I'm not a regular boards poster, so was advised to move my post from after hours to this thread.....)

I am about as naive about these places as a nun living on Tory Island and I have just found out my husband has been frequenting them recently, and as I dont believe a single word coming from him anymore, I need to get some answers....
The reason I am so concerned is cos I found a secret mobile phone with intimate text messages to another woman he claims is a lapdancer......he said he went on his own to this club.....


He said he was at this club (L@pellos) on a Sunday night from 12.30 - 5.00am - do they open that late, or do they close earlier so that some hours of his night are unaccounted for?

Be honest with me here... he obviously had a lengthy discussion / chat with her (although I am sure he spoke complete crap as he was out of his head on booze), as the texts were written in such a way as he had "deep and meaningfuls" with her..... can you talk to these dancers for extended times? i thought if you went for the cheap version of a dance in the public area, they moved on after the song was over, but that in the VIP areas, anything goes?

They obviously swopped phone numbers - is this a regular occurance?

I am tormented that something more than just a lap dance and chat occurred..... are you allowed touch/grope/kiss etc etc? i thought there were burly bouncers waiting to pounce if you did, but perhaps in these VIP areas where you can flash the cash, anything is possible????

I guess I just need honest answers as I am not getting them from him..... I am devestated that he needed to spend 5 hours on his own getting out of his bin drunk in the arms/lap of some other lady... I am not blaming her for a second, its all about the $$$ for her, I understand that.

Please can you give me honest answers on my questions? i dont want people to judge me, or my relationship with "oh, this isnt really cheating , etc etc", or "move out and never look back", those are decisions i can not make right now.....

Thank you all so much, I never thought i'd be on writing such a post.

curlzy

Hey OP,

If your marraige is monogomous you have my deepest sympathy. That is an atrocious thing to find out about your husband. As far as I know you go to the lap dancing club and they give you lap dances for money, they're allowed to touch you but you can't touch them. I doubt they start relationships with their customers but in a "sugar daddy" situation I'm sure they would. I honestly don't understand why these questions are important? Surely the fact that you hubbie has been to lap dancing clubs and has engaged in "deep and meanfuls" with strippers should be enough to make you walk or at least demand that you get into marraige councelling?

Best of luck.

Miss Fluff

Northern Girl wrote: »

The reason I am so concerned is cos I found a secret mobile phone with intimate text messages to another woman he claims is a lapdancer......he said he went on his own to this club......

I don't believe a word about her being a lapdancer. This is to throw you off the scent. Whether she is a lapdancer or a Ban Garda or works in your local shop is really pretty irrelevant. What's relevant is that the relationship has become serious enough for him to have gone and bought himself a new phone. That's affair territory tbh. I wouldn't be fixating on the ins and outs of what happens at a lap dancing club, I'd be finding out the extent of his deception and with whom. You poor thing.

Wompa1

Northern Girl wrote: »

Hi all

(I'm not a regular boards poster, so was advised to move my post from after hours to this thread.....)

I am about as naive about these places as a nun living on Tory Island and I have just found out my husband has been frequenting them recently, and as I dont believe a single word coming from him anymore, I need to get some answers....
The reason I am so concerned is cos I found a secret mobile phone with intimate text messages to another woman he claims is a lapdancer......he said he went on his own to this club.....


He said he was at this club (L@pellos) on a Sunday night from 12.30 - 5.00am - do they open that late, or do they close earlier so that some hours of his night are unaccounted for?

Be honest with me here... he obviously had a lengthy discussion / chat with her (although I am sure he spoke complete crap as he was out of his head on booze), as the texts were written in such a way as he had "deep and meaningfuls" with her..... can you talk to these dancers for extended times? i thought if you went for the cheap version of a dance in the public area, they moved on after the song was over, but that in the VIP areas, anything goes?

They obviously swopped phone numbers - is this a regular occurance?

I am tormented that something more than just a lap dance and chat occurred..... are you allowed touch/grope/kiss etc etc? i thought there were burly bouncers waiting to pounce if you did, but perhaps in these VIP areas where you can flash the cash, anything is possible????

I guess I just need honest answers as I am not getting them from him..... I am devestated that he needed to spend 5 hours on his own getting out of his bin drunk in the arms/lap of some other lady... I am not blaming her for a second, its all about the $$$ for her, I understand that.

Please can you give me honest answers on my questions? i dont want people to judge me, or my relationship with "oh, this isnt really cheating , etc etc", or "move out and never look back", those are decisions i can not make right now.....

Thank you all so much, I never thought i'd be on writing such a post.

I've only ever been to one lap dancing club. It was one of the top one's in the world so I would take it things could only be worse in other less credible one's but what I witnessed was pretty f'in sick. There was semen in the toilets all over the place from guys who obviously got themselves off..funny enough the girl who brought me there loved it..says a lot about her.

If you pay for a private dance they usually do allow you to grope and you can also pay for extras....

To the women out there, if your guy frequents these places you should be very worried. I wouldn't be too concerned if it was for a stag or something because some people just go for the novelty factor but I think they are pretty sick, don't think I'll ever go to one again in my life.

LegacyUser

I went to Lapellos once with friends when I was younger. Dances cost an absolute fortune. You also have to pay for admission and buy expensive drink. You cannot touch the women with your hands, there is a bouncer in the room (VIP area) with you. They basically dance on your lap and push their breasts in your face and grind themselves on you. It really is a waste of money and I'll never go again. Once is more than enough, it's very seedy.

Check the internet history on his computer and see if he has gone to escort websites. I have my suspicions.

I am a friend

They could open that late - am not sure btu I dont think swapping numbers is the norm... I believe anything goes if you pay enough money and the fact that he has a secret phone is not a good sign.

V sorry you are going through this. I wouldnt think the other person is a stripper tbh....

Northern Girl

Thank you all for your replies so far.... they are so helpful and I am glad I am not getting replies such as "that's not cheating, its only "sexting"" etc etc.....
Yes, our relationship is totally monagamous (or so i thought)... I am no angel, I would comment as any human being would if i saw a good looking guy on TV etc etc, but in the 15 years we're together, I have never ever done anything that I would consider crossed the line... I am even paranoid in work not to engage in "innuendo" conversations with the guys in case it can be taken up wrong...... I dont text/facebook guys in secret, I am careful at all times both in work and socially to "keep at any appropriate distance" IYKWIM.

I guess I am not really looking for answers on the mechanics of how lap dancers work to be honest, i think my head is just in such a spin that I am trying to get SOME sort of truth , as I am not getting it from him...... I have also been hiding years of serious serious binge drinking on his behalf (again, I am no angel, I do enjoy my glass of wine), but these binges have caused physical damage to a neighbours property/put him in hospital and caused my hours of anguish worrying where he was, him not turning up till late in the afternoon of the day following the binge.... in other cases he would drink heavily at home, we would go to bed, he'd get back up and I'd find him downstairs perhaps 3/4/5 hours later (I'd be asleep obviously), out of his head with whatever was left in the drinks cabinet......

the straw that broke the camels back (I know many of you will think i should have walked ages ago cos of the drink.. but i just thought it would get better... how stupid was i?), was those texts...... he told me he sent them every night last week i.e. he wasnt even drunk when he sent them! They were just normal work nights.... did he send them when i was making dinner? in the loo? watching TV????

I am distraught. He's moving out BTW. I need space. A lot of it

smash

lapdancers don't hand out their phone numbers to clients.

Sonics2k

I've worked as a doorman for a few Lap Dancing Clubs, and handing out phone numbers to clients is usually totally against the rules for various reasons.

I still know a few of the ladies working in the clubs, and none of them would hand out their numbers to a random guy for a bit of sexting, it's honestly not a good or safe idea in a lot of cases, so they all avoid it.

Sorry to say, but your partners story seems like complete nonsense and is lieing to you.

However, for a few other posters and even yourself for the future. Just because a man does go to a lap dancing club does not mean he is having, or going to, have an affair. There is a horrible stereotype around these clubs that is not justified by the vast majority of the clubs.

qwertytlk

Op im sorry your going through this, its so unfair. Anyway i may be able to help as My partner was in a relationship in his late teens with a girl who worked in angels lap dancing club( nice eh? NOT..lol) Iv just asked him about some of your questions and he says he got to know a couple of the girls his ex was friendly wiht a work and he says most never did anything like this and that most of the girls had partners at home etc. He said the general feeling among the girls was the guys were wasters and no more than a dollar sign but he said that some of the girls did do more than dancing even though it was seriously against the rules(not sure if this went on on the premises or not) . In regard to the closing times, apparently they do open till the early hours but he cant remember what time exactley( as his experience with this was all over ten years ago) from what he has said i doubt any of them would be texting a man for pleasure. Although this doesnt really make it any better for you. Anyway tbh, i woudnt say this girl is a lapdamcer. And if she is then shes most likely not in it for love. Probably more of a sugar daddy thing. If he wont give you the answers you need and want, would you consider contacting this girl hes been texting? If you have access to this other phone then you could do it one of two ways. Either text the girl pretending to be him and say something like 'what time are you working at tonight, i think il pop in for a dance'. If she replies and doesnt know what your talking about then u know he is lying. Or you could actually take the number out of the phone and ring her and ask her out straight whats going on. In regard to this other phone, do u know how long has he had this, did he just go out an buy it to give the number to the lapdancer?? Imo this doesnt so likely... Anyway whatever you decide i wish you the very best of luck.

ziedth

Pretty much this is what will go depending on the size of the place:

He'll pay an entry fee and go into an area not unlike a pub. There'll be a bar and in allot of places a girl will be up on stage doing her thing. This will usually be a striptease/pole dance or whatever.

Now, there will be other girls walking around in there underwear they would walk up to you and chat for a minute and see do you want a dance these can cost maybe €15/20 outside of Ireland but being Dublin I'd say the bones of €50.

In my experience if you Decide to go ahead with this the girl will bring you to a side area where A couple of guys could b getting lap dances. There is strictly no touching and basically she will grind your crotch and stick her boobs in your face. They usually last about 3/4 minutes then you pay and she brings you back out to the bar.

Also, there are VIP packages that I Personally have never had but from all accounts these can cost above €100 to I assume €500/600 in Dublin. What happens here is you are brought to a private room. You can now touch the girl and she'll feel you with her hand or give you a hickey from what I have seen they last about 30min.

After that you leave. Now, my point on your issue OP. Going to a lapdancing club for that amount of time is madness and I'd say he would spend a small fortune. I would be seriously worried about a married man going to one on his own. I'm married and I have only gone to a couple on stag do's. It wouldn't cross my mind otherwise. I'm not sure about Ireland but in the UK they do open till about 6am. I'd imagine here is no different.

In a nutshell, I'm sorry to say that I don't think the Lap dancing club story is true. The length of time, money he would spend and very unlikely situation of a dancer giving him her number makes me think he is covering for something.

Good luck.

Darlughda

Northern Girl wrote: »

....I found a secret mobile phone with intimate text messages to another woman

That's the proof of cheating there OP.

dudara

When a guy is caught cheating, he often comes up with a lie to cover his ass and make it seem "less bad". I've seen it before and I suspect that's what your errant husband is doing.

He has had an affair and cheated on your relationship, in my opinion.

What you need to do now is to take some time and see how you really feel about the relationship. Likewise for him.Will you want to make it work again, or not?

Perhaps it might be worthwhile for both of you to investigate going to some form of couples therapy.