Boyfriend (now ex) with online profile

LegacyUser

OK so here is my story. I had been with my BF for just over a year.Before that we were friends for a few months. In the beginning it was a bit touch and go. He had issues with commitment, he was always very honest about this and I think his honest helped to build my trust in him. Anyway after a few false starts we finally got together properly. Back around Christmas last year he was showing me something on his PC and I saw he had one of these "make new friends websites" open. Really a dating site, he had a profile. I was hurt by this as I thought we were in a committed relationship. I explained my hurt and he agreed to delete the profile. Apparently he hadn't realised that I would mind (I know, I should have walked away then!).

Anyway fast forward to last Sunday. We had been going strong for a good while, getting on great, talking about emigrating together. I had an instinct though, like he was distant, he said it was because he was out of work and a bit down. Anyway we had a petty argument and afterwards something inside made me check a dating website to see if he was on there. A completely different website to the previous one and low and behold there he is. Looking for a relationship. Its definitely a recent profile (the info gives that away, has photos and all) and has been logged on in the last month. We'll I was so shocked. Anyway when confronted he said he was bored one say and updated an old profile. Swore blind that he has not met anyone or been in contact with anyone. To be honest the trust is gone so I broke up with him, deleted all his texts etc, unfriended him on facebook and I am trying to move on. He hasn't put up any fight for me, that hurts too. Not that I would go back but it would be nice to think he cared enough to at least try.

I suppose I am wondering if anyone has gone through the same. I know what I need to do and I know it will be tough but i think I could do with hearing from some people who had the same experience to keep me "strong".

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I am a friend

Yep I had the same crack with my ex. He swore it was because he was lonely cos he travelled a lot?!?!? Then I found out 2 months after I moved out (by pure coincidence) that he was in a 'serious' relationship....

Anyway that was the cure I needed and I have not looked back. There is no excuse - your gut was right on the money so do not look back. My guy swore he was only chatting but obviously not!!!

Move on - you are v lucky you found out now. His loss

Abi

If he was on dating websites and kept them updated, he was never really committed to you in the first place. It's lousy he let you believe otherwise OP. It might hurt that he isn't trying to get you back, but could you really trust him after that? I couldn't, it would just eat away at me.


You need a fresh start, best of luck

curlzy

Hey OP,

To be honest I would take the fact that he hasn't tried to get you back as a compliment. It shows that he knows you're not one of those pathetic women that will put up with this **** and eat up all the lies he feeds you. Honestly OP you've had a lucky escape he's a total liar with zero conscience, you're way better off outta that. Thank god you found out now, imagine being chained by a mortgate/kid etc to a man that goes on like that? You should be very glad that you found out

Also well done on having the guts and cop on to dump his pathetic ass, alot of the times in PI/RI the OP can't accept that their "lover" is a total piece of **** even when it's clear as day. So yeah well done you, the hardest part is over now so just be thankful you had the sense to get out when you did.

Best of luck.

Kadongy

Yes I experienced similar.

I would suggest that the not talking to you or trying is an attempt to flatten your self-esteem so you accept crap off him. The girl in question in my experience used that approach. I can say this with some objectivity because she did it with her ex before me.

They dont care about you except for what you are to them.

It's very hard, strange feeling. Just exercise self-respect. They are likely to contact you in some way sooner or later. I said I disliked them, distrusted them with good reason, and I'd like them to accept that and quit contacting you, and just stuck to that really and it seemed to get rid of them properly.

LegacyUser

Unfortunately I was in a long-term relationship with a thoughtless asshole who rejoined the very site I met him on a few years into our relationship. Apparently he was 'just doing the quizzes'. The same guy told me barefaced lies about another secret account he set up on a social networking site to spy on his ex.

When I finally dumped him after a few more years of being constantly neglected and let down, he got into another 'serious relationship' (his words) almost immediately. He met this girl online too and I have my suspicions that he had been talking to her the whole time we were together.

Run away now OP and don't look back. People like this are pathological liars and will make every excuse under the sun to justify their scummy behaviour. Don't be silly enough to fall for it the way I did, no-one deserves that kind of abuse.