What should happen here........

LegacyUser

ok, decided to try out a dating website for the hell of it, I never had problems meeting women it was just a spur of the moment thing, made my account then left it for like 6 months, on a whim I checked it 6 months or so later and I got a message from a pretty damn attractive girl so I messaged her back, long story short I been talking to her for 3 months long distance, via text etc....finally met her about 2 weeks ago and the first date went great, plenty to talk about, no awkward silences, she was adamant about meeting up again etc


fast forward to last night, when I was due to meet her for the second date....I just started college and was playin 5 a side soccer all day and some of the guys decided to go out and have a few drinks, maybe too many, and I was due to meet her around 8/9 that night..


By 8 or 9 I was sh*tfaced when she came over (I know, Im a f*ckin idiot but making friends in college is important to me) and could barely focus on the task at hand, anyway my mouth was all dry and no amount of water was going change that apparently, we get to kissing etc and I couldnt continue because like I said my mouth was real dry and I was really messed up, so I just pulled away, worst case of whiskey d*ck EVER (when u cant get it up because of alcohol)


Obviously she knew how messed up I was and she was like ''Will I just go home or.....'' playin' with her phone, while I just sat there gazing off into space lol, eventually even in my drunken state I said look, maybe you should go home, then STUPIDLY I opted to tell her maybe our whole thing was a mistake (to compensate for my lack of ''performance'') and she sort of unwillingly agreed, so I walked her downstairs to a taxi, when I was trying to say goodbye face to face she was walking off ahead like ''yeah no bother...'' basically a cold ass ''whatever''



The question is what should happen in this instance, should I text/call her apologizing today, even though I apologized about 6 or 7 times last night, or should she text/call me saying in as many words don't worry about it, we'll just hook up another time...


Because I'm seriously confused

LittleBook

What should happen? Nothing, absolutely nothing.

Why on earth would you think she would want to "hook up" with you again? What is so confusing aobut this for you?

I would be stunned if you ever heard from this girl again after the way you carried on last night. When she was "playin' with her phone" she was probably texting a friend asking for advice on what to do in this awful situation.

You deserve nothing more than a "cold ass 'whatever'" from her and you got that last night. Leave it be.

If I thought you genuinely realised how badly you behaved I would have said "yes, text her and apologise today, she deserves a sober apology from you". But your post here indicates to me just how clueless you are and I think she's better off not getting sucked back in.

And by the way, it's possible to go out after five-a-side in an effort to make new friends in college and NOT get sh't faced before a date.

beks101

Well as a girl, if it was me I would take it that you just weren't into me and what's more you were a bit of an aRsehole at that. I know you were drunk/embarrassed, but that's what your behaviour would scream at any girl.

Just call her up and apologise. Don't text, call. Tell her exactly what you've written here, you were absolutely wasted and messed up, but it was nothing to do with her. Tell her you like her - if you do - and would like to meet her again - this time, sober :rolleyes:

I'm sure she's feeling a bit sh!t about the whole thing right now so call her up and give her a confidence boost.

LegacyUser

wowwwwwww. you dont even know me, I been NOTHING short of gentlemanly with this girl til now i guess, all this was, was a momentary lapse in judgement, should I have drank so much ? absolutely not. Did I drink to socialize in a school I've just started and to kill the nerves somewhat ? Yes. Should I have postponed this date til I was sober ? absolutely



I realize this.


But it is what it is....


I really like this girl and Im embarassed as f*ck this morning and dont know what to do about this situation

LegacyUser

beks101 wrote: »

Well as a girl, if it was me I would take it that you just weren't into me and what's more you were a bit of an aRsehole at that. I know you were drunk/embarrassed, but that's what your behaviour would scream at any girl.

Just call her up and apologise. Don't text, call. Tell her exactly what you've written here, you were absolutely wasted and messed up, but it was nothing to do with her. Tell her you like her - if you do - and would like to meet her again - this time, sober :rolleyes:

I'm sure she's feeling a bit sh!t about the whole thing right now so call her up and give her a confidence boost.

Thanks because like I said, this whole thing was doomed from the word go, I should have DEFINITELY put it off til another day

beks101

whatshouldhappenhere wrote: »

Thanks because like I said, this whole thing was doomed from the word go, I should have DEFINITELY put it off til another day

I do think the situation is salvageable, it just depends on what you're prepared to do to show this girl that you're sorry. Yeah, you fcuked up, but it sounds as though she was interested right up to the point that you expressedly told her you weren't, after that her guard just came down, and quite rightly so.

Man up and just call her, don't put it off, do it as soon as possible before she fully makes up her mind about you. The longer you leave it, the harder it's going to be to do. Tell her that you like her and you're wracked with guilt over what happened last night. Tell her you didn't mean it when you said the whole situation wasn't meant to be, but you were drunk and trying to save face. Just do it! The worst that can happen is she snubs you and doesn't accept your apology, but at least you'll be able to say you tried.

Miss Fluff

whatshouldhappenhere wrote: »

wowwwwwww. you dont even know me, I been NOTHING short of gentlemanly with this girl til now

Hmmm, a bit like the Titanic was a great ship 'til it sank :rolleyes:

You've behaved like a swine and your lack of remorse and awareness is actually shocking.

I would call her to apologise and then send her flowers to say you are very sorry and leave it at that.

The poor girl.

Esoteric_

If you've already apologised 6 or 7 times, like you said, and she didn't get back to you and still hasn't spoken to you, then it's over.

To be honest, if any guy did that to me on a date, no matter how drunk, I'd never speak to him again, so I can see why she's not talking to you. You have to think of it from her perspective, not yours.

You're thinking, 'God, I was a drunken mess, such a stupid mistake, it'll never happen again,' while she's thinking, 'What a complete scumbag. If that's what a second date is, imagine how bad it could be if we ended up in a relationship.'

LegacyUser

beks101 wrote: »

I do think the situation is salvageable, it just depends on what you're prepared to do to show this girl that you're sorry. Yeah, you fcuked up, but it sounds as though she was interested right up to the point that you expressedly told her you weren't, after that her guard just came down, and quite rightly so.

Man up and just call her, don't put it off, do it as soon as possible before she fully makes up her mind about you. The longer you leave it, the harder it's going to be to do. Tell her that you like her and you're wracked with guilt over what happened last night. Tell her you didn't mean it when you said the whole situation wasn't meant to be, but you were drunk and trying to save face. Just do it! The worst that can happen is she snubs you and doesn't accept your apology, but at least you'll be able to say you tried.

I think thats what shes doing right now, I just called, no answer, lol not lookin good, but shes at work so maybe she'll get back to me. maybe.




Miss Fluff & Littlebook - You both keep saying my lack of remorse and awareness, I dont know what you mean because I've already said I F*cked up, YES I F*CKED UP. But we're talking about 4 months of SERIOUS self control on my part to do this long distance thing, which before I got talking to her would be unheard of, as I have a life to live, like I said I really, REALLY like her, I really respected her, and I been the ''monogamy'' poster boy so to speak while we were doing the long distance thing, then I met her sober and it was great, I just f*cked up by drinking, and I f*cked up by saying we should call it quits, but like beks said that stupid sh*t was done NAMELY AND SQUARELY to save face


The fact I dont drink often or even at all probably adds to it since I just lost all inhibitions to where I couldnt even get hard lol, sh*ts so embarassing



Flowers might be a bit over the top no ?

LegacyUser

Ok she called me back just there, I apologized and she wants to meet up again on Sunday, some women (like beks) are at least rational about situations like this, it happens. Even though I can completely see how she'd say ''go f*ck yourself''


Im probably going to spend the whole date Sunday apologizing, I'll try not to over-do it but Im just so f*cked up over how I behaved to an actual DECENT female, she even brought me a gift, like a little statue that I completely forgot about til now which is making me feel even more f*cked up


guilt ridden + hangover = not good


Last time I ever drink before I meet a girl Im actually interested in pursuing rather than just hittin it and quittin it

curlzy

Hey OP,

If I were you I'd be arranging one hell of a date. Bunch of flowers to start with and bring her out for a nice meal if you can afford it. Spoil her and let her know that you really are very sorry and that you do like her, actions speak louder than words. Word of warning though, don't go on and on about it either! You've apologied so now show her how much you like her, I'd say her ego got a battering the other night so let her know you think she's special.

Best of luck!

LittleBook

whatshouldhappenhere wrote: »

Miss Fluff & Littlebook - You both keep saying my lack of remorse and awareness, I dont know what you mean because I've already said I F*cked up, YES I F*CKED UP. But we're talking about 4 months of SERIOUS self control on my part to do this long distance thing, which before I got talking to her would be unheard of, as I have a life to live, like I said I really, REALLY like her, I really respected her, and I been the ''monogamy'' poster boy so to speak while we were doing the long distance thing, then I met her sober and it was great, I just f*cked up by drinking, and I f*cked up by saying we should call it quits, but like beks said that stupid sh*t was done NAMELY AND SQUARELY to save face


The fact I dont drink often or even at all probably adds to it since I just lost all inhibitions to where I couldnt even get hard lol, sh*ts so embarassing

Maybe, but I was replying to a "f*ckin idiot" who "got sh*tfaced" before a second date with a girl he "really, REALLY" likes ... to the point where he couldn't physically kiss his date and couldn't get a hard-on and then told her "the whole thing was a mistake" ... and STILL (soberly!) wondered if SHE should call HIM. Where's the remorse there?

whatshouldhappenhere wrote: »

Ok she called me back just there, I apologized and she wants to meet up again on Sunday, some women (like beks) are at least rational about situations like this, it happens. Even though I can completely see how she'd say ''go f*ck yourself''

Oh please. It's perfectly rational for "some women" to find how you behaved last night unacceptable ... even you think she would have been within her rights to tell you to "go f*ck yourself".

Miss Fluff

whatshouldhappenhere wrote: »

Last time I ever drink before I meet a girl Im actually interested in pursuing rather than just hittin it and quittin it

Reading that makes me suspect that not all your antisocial behaviour and lack of respect is directly attributable to too much alcohol somehow :rolleyes:

Charming...

Big Bag of Chips

Drunk apologies don't mean anything. Ring her today. You have to speak to her rather than text or email. No matter how embarrassing it may be for you, speaking to her will mean more than a text.

Explain the circumstances leading up to it. I'm sure most if have been in a vaguely similar situation! If you are really interested, prove it to her.

But also be aware that she has a right to not want to meet up again.

Speak to her.

LegacyUser

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,

If I were you I'd be arranging one hell of a date. Bunch of flowers to start with and bring her out for a nice meal if you can afford it. Spoil her and let her know that you really are very sorry and that you do like her, actions speak louder than words. Word of warning though, don't go on and on about it either! You've apologied so now show her how much you like her, I'd say her ego got a battering the other night so let her know you think she's special.

Best of luck!

No doubt, thanks

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Drunk apologies don't mean anything. Ring her today. You have to speak up her rather than text or email. No matter how embarrassing it may be for you, speaking to her will mean more than a text.

Explain the circumstances leading up to it. I'm sure most if have been in a vaguely similar situation! If you are really interested, prove it to her.

But also be aware that she has a right to not want to meet up again.

Speak to her.

Lol 2 steps ahead of you my dude, and I outlined to her on the phone that I'd understand if she wanted to part ways but she was cool about it, she was most definitely disappointed though judging by the tone but I've been given a second chance

ash23

Don't grovel when you meet her though. I mean, when you meet her say again that you're sorry about the last night, nerves got the better of you and it won't happen again....and then drop it! Don't go on and on and on about it.
It happened, you were an idiot, you apologised, she's giving you another chance, onwards and upwards.
Nothing worse than someone grovelling or apologising over and over and over.

Janet1986

To me, this girl wants a one night stand and that will be it.

LegacyUser

ash23 wrote: »

Don't grovel when you meet her though. I mean, when you meet her say again that you're sorry about the last night, nerves got the better of you and it won't happen again....and then drop it! Don't go on and on and on about it.
It happened, you were an idiot, you apologised, she's giving you another chance, onwards and upwards.
Nothing worse than someone grovelling or apologising over and over and over.

Would you think giving her flowers is too much ?

LegacyUser

Janet1986 wrote: »

To me, this girl wants a one night stand and that will be it.

lol so she'd spend like 4 months texting me literally everyday back and forth for a one night stand ???


Dont know about that one Jan

MacieC

To be honest, that was rude. I had the same thing going on with a guy who wasn't even drunk, his mind was just away. That was a deal breaker, a big no-no I never contacted him again.

I mean, if you really want to get a girl, you should pay attention to her when she's with you. Girls like attention, and if you appear not to care, that's a goodbye call. She would be insane to contact you again, and if she does, I advise you not to mess up because that's a sign she's mature, she got past your horrific attitude and she might virtually like you.

You acted like you were taking her for granted. I mean, if you were in a proper long-term relationship, that would have bee semi-acceptable, I think she would have been understandig. But in the initial stages of dating are crucial.

qwertytlk

Iv read your original post and that you have spoken to her ro arranged another date. So my advice is appologise once again when you see her and finish the appology with something like 'and lets never bring this up again' lol as im sure she wants to forget it as much as you and she wont want to listen to you going on and on about it all day, or grovelling. Flowers are defo not too much, but it depends on where you are going on the date-unless one of u has a car she will have to carry them around for the day/night. If you decide against flowers then you could get her a small gift, something meaningful to her (i assume you know her quite well frm speaking to her for a few months) because imo this will show you care and that you listen to her and take in what she says. And she will appreciate this. Best of luck...and no drinking this time yeah?!lol

LegacyUser

MacieC wrote: »

To be honest, that was rude. I had the same thing going on with a guy who wasn't even drunk, his mind was just away. That was a deal breaker, a big no-no I never contacted him again.

I mean, if you really want to get a girl, you should pay attention to her when she's with you. Girls like attention, and if you appear not to care, that's a goodbye call. She would be insane to contact you again, and if she does, I advise you not to mess up because that's a sign she's mature, she got past your horrific attitude and she might virtually like you.

You acted like you were taking her for granted. I mean, if you were in a proper long-term relationship, that would have bee semi-acceptable, I think she would have been understandig. But in the initial stages of dating are crucial.

lol naaaaaaaaaah, trust me, unlike the guy you mentioned Im great company its just I gave up alcohol entirely because it got boring to me, but my dumb ass thought I could handle it like I used to be able to, thats the thing with vodka it just creeps up on you and hits you all at once lol, like wham.......but on that same note I wouldnt be with a woman without a sense of humour and yeah we been crackin jokes about this sh*t all day today and yesterday, all this militant stuff these other posters are talking about its like come on it happens, yeah im embarassed, but you pick up the pieces and onwards goes this thing of ours lol


But the interesting part of your post was the take her for granted thing, I could definitely see that.

LegacyUser

qwertytlk wrote: »

Iv read your original post and that you have spoken to her ro arranged another date. So my advice is appologise once again when you see her and finish the appology with something like 'and lets never bring this up again' lol as im sure she wants to forget it as much as you and she wont want to listen to you going on and on about it all day, or grovelling. Flowers are defo not too much, but it depends on where you are going on the date-unless one of u has a car she will have to carry them around for the day/night. If you decide against flowers then you could get her a small gift, something meaningful to her (i assume you know her quite well frm speaking to her for a few months) because imo this will show you care and that you listen to her and take in what she says. And she will appreciate this. Best of luck...and no drinking this time yeah?!lol

LOL oh please believe it, believe it please, no alcohol.


I'll get flowers somewhere tomorrow, the reason I was hesitant was because the kind of girl she is she might be like lol wtf relax with all that, but after thinking it through I think the florist is my next port of call

Katgurl

all sounds promising to me OP!

i've nothing to add to what the others have said just apologise once, very sincerely at the beginning of the date, bring flowers and take her out for a really nice meal.

Best of luck.