No friends..so lonely.

LegacyUser

I am 25 and i have no friends.
No one i can call up on the weekend to go out, no one to ring,text,go shopping or have a laugh with.

As a kid i moved around alot and i went to 3 different secondary school so i suppose i was always the new one, the outsider...the blow in, in that sense. So when i would make new friends it would always be with a group of people who for the most part had grown up together and whos familys all knew each other. Maybe its just me but none of those friendships ever really lasted as i was fully belonged.

Maybe im making excuses, as i am an adult now so i cant blame what happend when i young on the problems im having now. I just dont know what to do, and i feel really alone.

I know people will say join a group or a club of some sort, that i will make friends this way but it will end up being the same situation- they will all be friends, i will be the outsider. I just want to belong so badly.

I am not a bad person, i can say that with my hand on my heart. I would never intertionally hurt someone or deceive them. I am not bad looking, i dress well (not that these things are really a facotr in making friends, I'm just trying to make the point that there is nothing outwardly off putting about me ) i have a sense of humor and i am kind. So why dont i have any friends?

And i cant help thinking that if i did meet some nice people and start to socialise with them that they would wonder why i had no mates of my own.
I have a partner and child and am happy with other aspects of my life, its just this that gets me down. I see groups of girls getting taxis dressed up to go out or pics on facebook of people i know on nights out and i so desperatly want to be one of them. I want to belong....

curlzy

Hey OP,

At around your age I had the same problem, I lost all my friends through being in a crappy relationship and when it finished I was utterly alone. I got off my ass, found something I was interested in and joined a group. Yeah I was the outsider and it took a while to feel part of it but that's what it takes. You need to dedicate time to making new friends, there's no magic wand you can wave to suddenly be part of a good group of people that socialise together. So yeah look around, find something you're interested in and go join a group of people. Be nice, chatty and friendly and it will pay off. I did for me, it's how I met my amazing partner and I now have to turn down alot of invites as I have so much going on. So yeah you need to put the effort in.

best of luck.

ongarboy

Hi OP,

You have a partner who I'm sure is your friend (best friend even) and a child (who no doubt idolises you) so embrace the fact you have two people who consider you the most important person in their worlds. Does your partner have mates with partners/wives that you could organise couples nights out. This is often how friendships are formed (with the other halves).

If you are 25, I'm guessing your child is quite young. Perhaps there are mother and baby/child groups out there you could join. Check out the Region forum in Boards for the area you are from and submit a thread asking is anyone in your area interested in starting coffee mornings at a local cafe or starting a book club or other social meet up. I know when I see such suggestions made in my area forum, there is a lot of feedback from other posters saying they'd also be interested in participating in such groups.

Finally, don't let the fact that their are existing clubs out there with established friendships among the members be a barrier to participating or joining in. Someone is always the new person and any genuine club or group will always welcome new members. Don't make excuses for not making friends and be pro-active and put yourself forward. Good luck!

MacieC

Hi OP,

I was just like you a few years ago. My parents moved quite a lot when I was a kid so I was attending different schools in different cities and I was never able to make proper friends. It continued until I got into high school.

I know that when you have no mates, you tend to isolate yourself even more but that's the wrong way of going about it because it's gonna drag you down. You're gonna feel even more lonely and depressed by the minute.

Do you work ? Are you in college ? You must socialize in some way. Sign up for gym lessons, or anything that would virtually put you in position for socializing. I mean, you can't stay alone and wait until someone comes and knocks at your door with a picnic basket asking you to be their friends. That's not gonna happen.

Put yourself out there, take care of yourself, and start talking to people, even when you go to the grocery store ! I know it's easier said than done, but if you keep on thinking " I have no friends bla bla bla ", you're just gonna get swallowed by a temporary depressing spiral.

Be active ! It's good to post notices on boards, but you can also go to the beauty salon (if you're a girl) you can meet girls out there too. Don't be sorry for yourself because no one is gonna sympathise with that.
I know I sound harsh but you need to shake yourself up !

You can also go on meetup (website) where you can find people who will share your interests. They often meet apparently (I saw that on some thread here on board, never been on the website personally, so I can't give you a feedback).

Good luck

aknitter

I'm in the same position, know exactly how you feel.
Guys its easy to say join this or that, I've done it and it can work but I know the crippling feelings of insecurity this brings up. Its hard on the outside, looking in and not feeling like you could ever belong and at the same time wondering if you deserve it.
But the only way to get out of it is to grasp the nettle and go for it, if you join something and it doesn't work out don't beat yourself up, try something else. You'll have to force yourself!
Good Luck, Private message me if you want to meet up.

coffeeandshoes

Hey Op,

Just wanted to let you know I’m in the same boat and not to worry! I’m 24 and in the same situation having just moved to Dublin with my partner. I grew up in London and the Caribbean so as you can imagine I moved school allot. When I first moved to Ireland as a teenager I was the only latina kid in my whole school so I know what's it's like to be a little different. I bet your partner loves you very much and is your best friend and that’s all the matters. Why don’t you guy’s have a nice dinner out with each other or maybe see a movie together? I have to say also that once you get used to it, going shopping on your own is really relaxing.

Free feel to private message me btw and I'll take you for coffee x x x

Iconwine

Hey OP!
Sorry to hear about ur situation. I can see how that would get you down. Everybody NEEDS friends, i truly believe that and it is unfortunate that you have found yourself with no one to turn to. But the good thing is that there are lots of people in the exact same situation and you seem to know yourself that the only way to get a circle of friends is by getting out more/ socialising. At first it will seem like hard work, weeding out the poeple that u dont get on with and trying to force friendships but if you joina club that you are interested in and build up a rapport it is amazing how close you can come to people. Onme of my best friends is someone i met at the gym. We kept seeing eachother there...ended up going for coffee one day and went from there. We are still best mates years later. Through her I met a whooole new circle of friends. So all it takes is one person U wont really be the outsider in all clubs as people constantly join and leave things like that. Why not try quiz nights in town with ur partner, child-parent groups or just a class in smoething that interests you! You sound like a nice person so dont get yourself down, just get urself out there!! The world is ur oyster!!

LegacyUser

Is this still active

So-lonely wrote: »

I am 25 and i have no friends.
No one i can call up on the weekend to go out, no one to ring,text,go shopping or have a laugh with.

As a kid i moved around alot and i went to 3 different secondary school so i suppose i was always the new one, the outsider...the blow in, in that sense. So when i would make new friends it would always be with a group of people who for the most part had grown up together and whos familys all knew each other. Maybe its just me but none of those friendships ever really lasted as i was fully belonged.

Maybe im making excuses, as i am an adult now so i cant blame what happend when i young on the problems im having now. I just dont know what to do, and i feel really alone.

I know people will say join a group or a club of some sort, that i will make friends this way but it will end up being the same situation- they will all be friends, i will be the outsider. I just want to belong so badly.

I am not a bad person, i can say that with my hand on my heart. I would never intertionally hurt someone or deceive them. I am not bad looking, i dress well (not that these things are really a facotr in making friends, I'm just trying to make the point that there is nothing outwardly off putting about me ) i have a sense of humor and i am kind. So why dont i have any friends?

And i cant help thinking that if i did meet some nice people and start to socialise with them that they would wonder why i had no mates of my own.
I have a partner and child and am happy with other aspects of my life, its just this that gets me down. I see groups of girls getting taxis dressed up to go out or pics on facebook of people i know on nights out and i so desperatly want to be one of them. I want to belong....