I am a Really Cold Person

LegacyUser

I have a few issues with myself. I tried to make a thread a few months ago but mods never put it up for some reason.

I cheat on my girlfriend all the time. She adores me and I can do it so coldly. Sometimes I feel like I am a cold person. I feel like im capable of doing so many bad things. I can really put things to the back of my head. I really don't feel much empathy. Sometimes I feel like I have to force myself to cry. Some examples : well cheating on my girlfriend all the time, when I was 15 and my dad had a heart attack I went out and partied all night a few days later while my mom searched frantically for me through the night, when my grandmother died all I could think about was having to go to the funeral, when my granddad died I was at a party and was so annoyed that I had to leave it to go to the funeral (i even tried to wriggle out of it but realised how bad i'd look), i can never empthasize with my mom when shes upset and actually get angry with her, I actively hate my brother like actually despise him. I dont even like most people in general.

I dont want to be like this, is there anything I can do to change this? I was thinking maybethe fact that I can be so emotionless could be useful in a career but I dont know what yet.

I do get upset at animal cruelty though, thats about it.

CyberJuice

Go talk to the doctor maybe he can give you osme kind of meds or mayb send you to talk to someone who mayb can get to the root of the issue..

maybe it could take a life changing event to change the way you see the world

either something that brings you close to dying, or mayb losing your mother or losing a woman you really are deeply in love with.or if u lost the use of your legs or something

things like this tend to change people drastically

its hard to know how you could change the way you behave / how your mind works. some people are just messed up example serial killers pedofiles and such,theres no helping some people

best to go talk to a doctor or shrink i think

Matthew23

By the sounds of it you are just a bit immature and very selfish. You will either learn from experience and change, or you will have change beaten into you by life events. Either way, you will sooner or later feel deep remorse, if you really do behave in the manner your post describes, and you will wish you could go back to now and not act like a child.

The people who live around you, rather than you, are the people with the personal issue, and that issue is that they are living with an unpleasant person. You don't need a psychiatrist or any help, you just need to grow up.

robman60

I don't have any solutions, but if it's any consolation I feel a similar way to you. I don't really relate to most people, and I can just keep up a facade so I seem somewhat normal. It's as if I were disconnected from humanity almost entirely. Even family, I don't think of them as anything other than common acquaintainces really, and I just don't know how to develop or change that.

I don't really know why, maybe we'll grow out of it eventually but it's worrying me.

CyberJuice

How old are u both

qwertytlk

How old are you. You sound quite immature tbh. I dont meanthat in an offensive way, its just the way you describe things etc. And in the teenage years we can become quite self centered. As for the cheating, well in my opinion, if you love someone-truly love them, then you wouldnt cheat. In general, do you have good relationships with friends? If you are young, as i suspect, then as life goes on and you mature and get more life experience you will probably start to change. The fact that you can see how you are and how you treat people is a good thing, because it means that you can change. Maybe seeing a counsellor/psych might help too....

CarMe

There's no big secret, you just don't love you're girlfriend, you're very immature and self centred to even be giving yourself so much thought. You might grow out of it but it's not the big drama you're probably hoping for.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I'm assuming you're quite young. I've never been a cheat but I was a tundering bitch to my family and some friends from ages around 14 to 18ish. Then I grew a conscience . I really think that teenagers don't have empathy or consciences, I know I didn't and my lil bro and lil sis were the same, I'm a few years ahead of them so I could see it in them when they hit their teens. So yeah I'd say that your conscience just hasn't grown in yet and life hasn't knocked you down. Don't worry both of those things will happen before you know it and you'll be a much nicer person afterwards. If it helps just remember that you'll feel like crap about the things you've done so try and stop them now so you've less to feel guilty about later.

Best of luck.

Oryx

You dont want to be like this, but it is hard to change aspects of ourselves overnight. The good thing is that you recognise what you are like, and that its not the right way to behave. And you can empathise, with animals, just that empathy seems to be blocked towards people by your anger or self destruction right now.

You could try the 'fake it till you make it' approach. Dont give in to behaviour you know is unacceptable. Behave with compassion towards others even if you dont feel it fully in your heart. And most important of all, recognise if you have emotional defences up. We can sometimes do that without realising it.

BraziliaNZ

You could have Asperger's syndrome, or be sociopathic, or a psychopath. Are you violent at all? I'm being serious here.

Oryx

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

You could have Asperger's syndrome, or be sociopathic, or a psychopath. Are you violent at all? I'm being serious here.

By all means advise on where to go for help etc, but do not diagnose.

CrazyRabbit

Oryx wrote: »

By all means advise on where to go for help etc, but do not diagnose.

To be fair...he did say "Could be", which is merely suggestions and I seriously doubt meant as a diagnosis.

Anyway, for what it's worth, much of what the OP describes would be consistent with BraziliaNZ's first 2 suggestions. Though, I do not in any way claim that to be a medical fact/judgement.

OP...you really need to see a psychologist to see if there is indeed an underlying condition or not. If there is, they can refer you to a specialist in that area.

Taltos

CrazyRabbit please refer to our Charter.

"Questioning a mod action in a thread in the Personal Issues forum is considered off topic and unhelpful posting and may result in a ban from the forum."

Taltos

Monkey61

Similarly to yourself OP, I don't really do the empathy thing to a great extent (if at all most of the time). It doesn't necessarily improve as you get older, but I think you can start to learn how to modify your behaviour when you need to.

I have cheated on previous girlfriends. I don't naturally feel the guilt that others seem to and I am not at all able to genuinely care about how they would react to it. If in my head it seems okay, I just cannot see how they would take it any differently.

But now I am going out with someone that I would never cheat on. I haven't changed, I know that I could theoretically do it without feeling guilt etc. BUT..and this is a big but, I absolutely adore my girlfriend and feel ridiculously lucky to be with her. I know her views on cheating and respect them. Thus I would never do anything to mess this up because she means more to me than anyone else ever could and nobody else would remotely compare to her. So I have changed my behaviour because I care enough to do so.

As for family members, nobody says that you have to like them. I don't like mine particularly. I am not close to siblings/cousins etc. If a family member died, I would take it in my stride. There are probably only 2 people in the whole world that I would be absolutely distraught if they died...but that's enough for me.

People are different OP, they have different levels of feeling and I only think anything you have described is a problem if it is negatively affecting your life and the lives of others. If it is, then alter your behaviour and try to get a bit of joy out of knowing that you are doing the right thing. To hell with what you are thinking in your head if your actions make other people feel good. Regarding the girlfriend though, honestly I think you should break up with her. She deserves to be with someone that loves her and doesn't cheat on her. And you deserve to be with someone that you care enough to not cheat on.

CrazyRabbit

CrazyRabbit wrote: »

To be fair...he did say "Could be", which is merely suggestions and I seriously doubt meant as a diagnosis.

Anyway, for what it's worth, much of what the OP describes would be consistent with BraziliaNZ's first 2 suggestions. Though, I do not in any way claim that to be a medical fact/judgement.

OP...you really need to see a psychologist to see if there is indeed an underlying condition or not. If there is, they can refer you to a specialist in that area.

Just to be clear, I was not in any way trying to 'label' the OP. My sincere apologies if it came across that way. Whilst I have studied a great deal about certain areas of psychology, I am not a qualified expert. So anything I say should be taken with a pinch of salt.

I guess the only advice that I should have given is "Go see a psychologist".

Eric Cartman

As you grow older youll learn how to read peoples emotions better and respond more tactfully , your not alone out there , funerals and other things are just a bit inconvenient , but they matter to other people , so for the sake of your family dont complain ,

as for the girlfriend thing , lots of people just dont do the monogomy thing , but i dont think shes like you in that way , I dont know how it works for you or if you feel anything towards her , but would being single and just picking up girls for no strings fun be a better option ?

are you good at lying to people ?

if animal cruelty bothers you then you atleast have some level of actual human emotion ,

just to get more of a picture on it , are you affected by things like sad movies or anything ? do insults / verbal abuse get to you ? do you keep thinking "why are they doing this" when people display a lot of emotion (crying at things like weddings and funerals) has a girlfriend ever broken up with you , if so did you feel any way about it ?