Serious dry spell

sarmer

Well it's been a looong time since I've had sex and I'm going up the walls. Its almost getting to two years now and I feel so **** about it. All my friends are either with people now or if they are single, they still seem to date enough to get regular enough sex.

I'm at the stage now where I feel so unattractive (and I've been told I'm good looking but surely if I was hot enough I would have plenty of offers) and I really feel like I might never have sex again in my entire life. I'm terrified that I'm going to end up a bitter, shrivelled up old spinster.

What do I do? I'm actually sitting here crying cos I feel so **** about myself

Miss Fluff

Online dating

sarmer

Tried that. Was supposed to go on a second date last weekend with a guy I met online but I got a tummy bug so had to cancel. He's ignored me since so I clearly wont be getting any from him.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear that OP and I'm not trying to start a game of who's got the longest dry spell but I once went 8 years without sex. Well I suppose to put it in perspective, I popped my cherry and then it was 8 years before I had sex again. But then I'm a guy so I think extremely long dry spells like that are possibly more likely for men

Sure enough online dating is what changed that, plus I guess me being a bit more outgoing at the time etc. Just because one date didn't work out doesn't mean you can't have others.

Even now, it's been about 6 months for me and unfortunately I suspect it will be several more months at least before I get any action myself.

I'm not really sure what else to say, but try to think of something else and try to stop focusing on what you're not having.

I sometimes get super frustrated myself but I seem to get past it. Also, I think you should break this connection you have in your brain where you assume that because you're not having sex it must mean you're not attractive. As a guy, I've seen girls automatically assume the no sex thing is a reflection on them and quite often it's not. It just happens to be circumstances that have meant things have ended up that way.

ClimberC

This is somewhat off topic, but you shouldnt let your "quest" (for lack of a better word) put you in any danger. I know i sound patronising but dont let your lonelyness push you into something you wouldnt normally do.

You should join some clubs and meet people with simular intrests. You might not meet the man of your dreams, but the compony might help. you would also broaden your social circles wich could lead to a man :pac:

Kevin Duffy

sarmer wrote: »

Tried that. Was supposed to go on a second date last weekend with a guy I met online but I got a tummy bug so had to cancel. He's ignored me since so I clearly wont be getting any from him.

Well if you had the approach worked out well enough to get a first date and that went well enough to turn into a second date, keep at it. You know now you're attactive, can chat online and can chat and be fun in person - you have the ingredients, so lift the chin and put it all together for another go. You got unlucky with a bug, next time hopefully you're healthy enough to go on the second date.

As for the other guy, I daresay he thinks you spoofed about the bug to get out of the date. Use it as a warm-up and on you go to better things.

Miss Fluff

sarmer wrote: »

Tried that. Was supposed to go on a second date last weekend with a guy I met online but I got a tummy bug so had to cancel. He's ignored me since so I clearly wont be getting any from him.

Clearly not. It would be foolish of you to totally disregard it because of that though. If you want to get laid, and you have expressly said you do, then you'll find no end of willing participants online.

Just be safe and don't take any risks. Always tell a friend where you're going and who with etc etc.

CyberJuice

Be thankfull your a woman,its 100 times harder for a guy to get some sex if hes single,why dont you just go to a nightclub or pub one night?you could find a man to go home with easily.

if your not into that then online dating is alright,sucks if your a guy,women rarely respond but for a girl you just need to put a couple of pics with some clevage on your profile and youll have dozens of horny men replying to you

i personally think you shouldnt worry so much,just dont think about sex,carry on with your life,do some activities where you might meet some men and see how things progress,its unlikely youll never have sex again or find a loving partner to start a relationship with

you could always invest in a vibrator if you dont allready own one,it will get you by for the time being

LegacyUser

sarmer wrote: »

Well it's been a looong time since I've had sex and I'm going up the walls. Its almost getting to two years now and I feel so **** about it. All my friends are either with people now or if they are single, they still seem to date enough to get regular enough sex.

I'm at the stage now where I feel so unattractive (and I've been told I'm good looking but surely if I was hot enough I would have plenty of offers) and I really feel like I might never have sex again in my entire life. I'm terrified that I'm going to end up a bitter, shrivelled up old spinster.

What do I do? I'm actually sitting here crying cos I feel so **** about myself

you sound like a really nice lady OP but tbh , your a female at the end of the day , you can have sex whenever you feel like it , its totally different for men , if you really want sex , just head to come club this weekend and ask a guy if he wants to come back to your place , should take no longer than ten minutes , ive said it once and il say it again , women choose celebacy where as men often have it thrust upon them , perhaps thier are some underlying issues at play here , are you uptight about sex and are somewhat frigid , if not then you need to remember one thing , men are not fussy , we really will sleep with almost anyone

I am a friend

The op is not asking about what men go through to get their leg over - she is asking what she can do...

CyberJuice

We told her, get her skimpiest outfit on and head to the nearest pub,she will be up to her guts in nuts in no time

qwertytlk

Op i have read your thread and the replies and the common theme seems to be - go to a pub/club and get a guy and have a one night stand, which we all know id easy enough to do wheather your drop dead gorgeous or not the best looking, but i suspect you are looking for a little more than that, are you? If so then try the internet dating again, dont be put off by what happened. Its a set back. Brush yourseld off and try again. Another thing you could do is try and ask some girlfriends if their partners have any nice single friends, arrangew a night out in a group, or get set up with someone in paticular, and see how that goes. Or as somone already mentioned join a club, or the gym etc. Best of luck and try not to let it get you down. And its really true what they say , once you stop looking, he will come along:D chin up.

gargleblaster

Since you're looking for relationship sex, good luck. You might be waiting a long while. I've been in your shoes (I stopped counting after five years). It's really, really not easy if you're very picky. All I can suggest in this case is to invest in a good toy and be patient about finding the right person. Hopefully you won't have to wait too long.

If you were interested in sport sex it would of course be much easier, as several people have pointed out here already. Obviously that's not what you're looking for. Or at least it seemed obvious to me, anyway (otherwise you wouldn't be posting here, you'd be happily having ONS's to your heart's content).

Siuin

I really think it would be worth your while just giving thought to the idea of whether you simply want the physical pleasure of sex, or if it's the closeness and intimacy of being with someone which is making this period difficult for you. If it's the latter, a ONS will only worsen the situation.

LegacyUser

Its been 4.5years since I last had sex so 2 years doesnt sound so bad OP. But I suppose thats not really relevant to your plight.
Im a man so I just always thought women have it easier and never go any real length of time without sex or a relationship. I know girls who, at the risk of sounding cruel, wouldnt be the best looking by any stretch of the imagination, but despite this they always seem to have boyfriends/suitors. Whereas I know men who would be good looking guys who are single a lot and who I know arent getting sex(at least not the kind you pay for). So I always just thought that women have sex on tap, that if a woman went to a bar or nightclub, that it wouldnt be long before she was chatted up, and if she wanted, had the choice to have sex. I think most blokes would have sex straight away with a woman they've just met, so if a woman was willing to forego the usual several weeks wait, she could get what she likes.
This is what I've seen anyway, how is your situation different OP? I have a fair idea the reasons for my own dry spell, what do you think are the reasons for yours?