Strange pregnancy....

LegacyUser

My brothers girlfriend has recently announced she is pregnant. Normally a cause for celebration, but i concerned... Heres the story. They have been together about 5months, they are living together and have a up/down rocky relationship. They had a massive row a few weeks ago, he ended it and went to stay with a friend for the night and when he came back the next day she was suppossed to be gone. But when he got back, lo and behold she was still there and announced she was pregnant. with twins, one of which had died earlier on in the pregnancy.

She told him she was with her mam, walking by the maternity hospital when her mam said she looked pregnant so she went unto the maternity hospital where they gave her a pregnancy test. When this was confirmed positive she had a scan and had the pregnancy dated at 16wks. The snongrapher also gave scan pictures to her, but my brother or anyone else hasnt seen these because she says as they were arguing and the relationship was over she gave the scan pics to her mother.?...Anyway since then they have gotten back together. Maybe its just me but this all seems a bit suspect, or am i being paranoid? I should also add into the mix that she is suppossed to be 5 months pregnant now and her stomach is literally as flat as a pancake, although she keeps telling him te babys kicking, but every time he feels her belly he 'just missed it'.

I know its not really my business as such but i care about my broter and dont want him being made a fool of. Were quite close so when he first told me about the pregnancy i discussed my suspicions with him and he agreed it was very funny timing, and the thing with the scan pic also seemed off kilter to him. He said he was going to get a test for her or bring her to maternity hospital to have pregnancy confirmed but he hasnt done any of these things and he has actually started telling family she is pregnant. They had a doctors appt last week and i said to him 'if doc doesnt do the heartbeat, ask him to as its brilliant hearing it for first time' but when he rang me that night and i asked did he hear it he said she went into the examination room alone so didnt get a chance. Also i have just had a baby and when someone is pregnant they usually want to talk about it...especially to somone who has recently given birth, but any time im around her she never brings the pregnancy or anything to do with it into conversations and if my brother does she totally stays out of it. And its not because im givin off a vibe as im actually acting like any aunty to be would act...happy and looking forward etc.

I just dont know what to do, she is acting really strange and im not the only one who has noticed as my mam mentioned one oe two things to me and that was withough me discussing what i thought with her at all. So what should i do? Should i talk to my brother again, broach the subject gently and see what he says? What do you all think, does it all seem a little strange? I really care for him and know he wants kids so would be so happy for him to be expecting a baby, but on the other hand if she has a 'miscarriage' he would be devestated and if she is lying i feel i want to prepare him for what the outcome may be, to soften the blow some what? But if there is a small chamce she is telling the truth am i causing alot of un necessary hassle by bringing this up? And if she is lying about something like that it would hurt me too as iv been through the pain of loosing a child and its not something to lie or joke about. Opinions and advice needed. Thank you.

I am a friend

I really think you need to stay out of it. Not everyone shows til about 6 months and it sounds like you are out to catch her.

dafunk

Time will naturally make everything evident. I think talking to your brother might be a bad idea, he might feel like you are attacking his gf ad it could result in a row. From my own experience it's not a good idea to get involved in anyone's relationship, when you see someone you love getting shafted and you try to help there is always the risk that you will fall out with them. Most people's loyalty will lie with their partner above everyone else and they dont like to hear anything that could be construed as negative about their oh.

From what you've said the pregnancy sounds really suspicious to me, and if the info is true your brother will have copped it as well unless he's, for want of a better word, intellectually challenged. He's probably aware on some level but just hasn't admitted it to himself. All you can do really is be there to support him when the whole thing blows up.

I am a friend

Well to be very blunt your brother is acting like a bit of a fool. He is not questioning any of this and if there is a concern then he should be not her.

Why did he not get involved with the doctor etc.

Op - it was v hard to read your post with no paragraphs in it.

petes

sunflower27 wrote: »

If her stomach is totally flat then I would find that very odd. I'd have expected there to be some semblance of a bump, however small, at 5months. Then again, you are not looking at her flat tummy as she would have clothes on.
.

Totally agree, especially when her mam said she looked pregnant while happening to be walking by a maternity hospital

Taltos

sunflower27 wrote: »

I think you mean the OP's brother, not the girlfriend's brother.

The brother has said he finds the timing odd and the scan thing odd so he is obviously questioning it.

As most women don't go around making up fake pregnancies, I am not that overly surprised that the brother does believe her, despite the oddities.

Bottom line is this is not a situation that has much longevity. She either is or she isn't and the truth will come out very soon.

True - or she will suddenly get pregnant.
> no need for condoms hun - sure I am already pregnant.
> doc must have made a mistake with the dates.

OP - this is a dodgy one - first thought is to stay out of it - your brother is not a child. However, why not go out for a coffee with him - and lay out your concerns and fears. Do it in a non-confrontational way - do NOT accuse her of anything - just flag it as you thought he should know what folk have been thinking...

Say nothing and get burnt or say something and sitll get burnt - I don't envy you - sorry.

Miss Fluff

You're just going to hold your fire on this. It certainly sounds extremely suspicious and all very convenient on the part of your brother's OH. Happened to be walking past a maternity hospital and popped in for a test? As if. No scan picture as have given it to the granny-to-be? As if - I don't know any woman who doesn't have their scan picture close to them at all times! The shock announcement just as she and your brother were due to go their seperate ways? Purleeease.

The thing is she is now apparently at 20 weeks so if she does "miscarry" then it will cause her quite a bit of pain and will be a late miscarriage. After 24 weeks it would be classed as a stillbirth. That's if she doesn't decide to go the whole hog and actually conveniently steal a baby around her due date

I know someone who lied about a pregnancy and it's a cruel trick to play for all those involved.

You can't really say anything though as she may indeed be pregnant and you getting involved will make you the worse bitch in the world, regardless of how sensitively you broach it. Your brother's loyalty is now to his partner.

If I were in your shoes I'd be very involved in their lives over the next while. Lot's of visits and "support" so that if it all does go tits up then you're on hand for your brother and he knows you are there for him.

C-J

Op i'd be very suspicious. I agree with Taltos inasmuch as that if this girl isn't pregnant, she'll be doing her damndest to get pregnant in the meantime. I know of a case in my home town of a young girl who had absolutely everybody convinced she was pregnant just as the boyfriend was about to leave. It came to the due date and she disappeared and arrived one day stating she'd been at the hospital and had had a stillbirth. The truth eventually came out but she had lied so much that she had actually started to believe she was pregnant. Whether or not this is the case here or not time is the only thing, but I hope for you your brother and your family that things work out okay, baby or no baby.

I am a friend

Taltos wrote: »

True - or she will suddenly get pregnant.
> no need for condoms hun - sure I am already pregnant

I'd say this is her gameplan but he needs to find out asap by attending then next appointment with her and as well as that use a condom in the meantime

curlzy

Wow OP, hard situation to be in. If it was my brother I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut. I'd be telling him to use a condom for the next while because I'm sure that's she's planning on getting pregnant. This type of thing is hands down worst thing you can do to a partner, worse than cheating! I've heard it happen and as f*cking disgustingly sickening as it sounds I think that your brother is on the road to being trapped in a relationship with a lying, deceitful so and so. So yeah I really wouldn't keep my mouth shut, I'd go for a coffee with him and lay out all my concerns, that you don't think she's really pregnant but is trying to be!!! I've had the conversation with my own little brother, told him that some girls do indeed engage in this kind of scumbaggery and that if he's caught out then it's gonna change his whole life, even if he wants nothing to do with the baby, it will still impact him financially for at least another 18 years!!! I doubt he'll tell her about the conversation and sure if it turns out that she is pregnant (I very much doubt it) then sure no harm done.

This is one of the many reasons I think it's absolutely shocking and archaic that men don't have a contraceptive pill that they can take. In 2011 men should have the choice to control their fertility!!!!

Best of luck to you and your brother.

I am a friend

Men do have an option to control their capacity to reproduce - it's called a condom.

Neyite

OP,
My partner has been in every single appointment with me. (and I have had a lot of them) Thats included vaginal scans and all (sure, nothing he hasnt seen before, eh? . Its taken as a given (here in Galway anyway) that if a couple go in for the scan, that the bloke is there to experience the wonders of the scan too. I have never heard of them being excluded.

another few weeks and her game will be up - no way that if she 'looked pregnant' at 16 weeks according to her mother that she wont be showing in a few weeks time.

And the walking in off the street? bollocks. its the HSE after all, even the private clinics require an appointment and waiting time. There are women who are overdue their 12 week scan and cant get it until weeks later.. there is a baby boom at the moment.

thefeatheredcat

I'm pretty much in line with what has been said that it is a bit odd and the story behind it sounds a bit unlikely especially walk-in scans without appointment unless there she has very very good health insurance cover or it was an exceptional maternity hospital.

Your best interest is towards your brother, so be there as support to him all the way through and show enthusiasm as you have done thus far for the pregnancy.

Keep up with open communications with him regarding the pregnancy - if you have recently gone through it yourself, I'm sure that he himself may have questions for you on it anyway and may realise a difference.

I would keep out of it all though for the reason that the last thing you want is to put a wedge between yourself and your brother, especially if it should be true that your suspicions are found to be true, that pride or a fight through confrontation may make it harder in the end, for him to talk about it with you.

Just be a solid rock of support to him and that is really all you can do, sadly. It may be a good thing to gauge how he is going forward, but otherwise there is little else you can do other than to be standing on the sidelines.

Neyite

OP,
I agree with the others who say just be there as a support to your brother. If its a fake pregnancy, he is going to feel a right mug, so your job there is to reassure him that anyone could have gotten taken in by it.

Danniboo

OP, sorry for your predicament. I understand the posters staying step back and don't get involved but if it was my brother there's no way in hell i'd be able to do this whether that is right or wrong. Could you or your brother not request the scan picture from the granny directly now that they've "made up". Could your bro not contact the maternity hospital even to express his concerns seen as "one twin has died" if there is a pregnancy then these are only normal concerns anyways. I would not sit back and let this breeze by. What happens if she has a "miscarriage". You'll never know whether it was true or not, and they could be together for years and your brother may or may not truly know what she's like.

Fittle

That whole 'walking past the maternity hospital' thing sounds very strange to me. I'm not sure what part of the country you're in OP, but in Dublin, your first scan isn't scheduled till about 22wks pregnancy nowadays (unless you are having problems). If she walked in off the street, there is usually an 'emergency room' where they deal with emergencies - they don't do pregnancy tests and scans there and I imagine if she walked in off the street saying she thought she was pregnant, they'd have told her to ramble down to her nearest chemist.

My guess is she's not pregnant but is very messed up and perhaps this 'other twin' will miscarry soon.

What's your brother been like in previous relationships?? Is he questioning any of this himself?

Wompa1

A guys perspective here, if I was in his shoes I'm not sure I'd out right accuse her either, if she is then it's more aggro but I would be forcing the issue of the scans and going to the doctors with her.

I know 2 guys who have been lied to about pregnancies before in an attempt to get them back in the relationship. I'd be very suspicious if I was him

tinkerbell

OP, there is no way in hell that girl is pregnant, no way. She is full of lies.

And I know people say to stay out of it, it's none of your business. Eh it IS your business, he's your brother! I know what I'd do if it was my brother.

Go talk to him. He needs to be insisting on going to the doctor and demanding a pregnancy test at a GP's office. That girl is totally lying, and the sooner your bro finds out so that he can dump her lying self the better.

Cunning Stunt

OP get your brother to demand proof NOW. Seriously - this girl sounds like she has a few screws loose. Like a lot of other posters here, I suspect she will do one or both of these things :

1. When she can no longer hide the lack of a bump, she will use a 'miscarriage' cover story

2. She will work on getting pregnant for real in the very near future and trapping your brother that way

Please get him to act NOW - he seriously has no time to lose!

Janet1986

You could ring the maternity?

allgirlz

Janet1986 wrote: »

You could ring the maternity?

And say what? They won't give out any information about a patient, real or imagined. Sounds dodgy alright but she is not the first to do this, I would say nothing and see what happens over the next few weeks!

Neyite

Janet1986 wrote: »

You could ring the maternity?

They cant give out any information, not even to confirm that she is not a patient, unless you mean for her to pretend to be the girlfriend?

I'm guessing that would be hard to do, not to mention would destroy any trust or relationship the OP might have with her brother if it comes to light.

LegacyUser

Thank youall for the advice, i didnt expect there to be so many replies! I spoke with my brother today as himself and the girl were suppossed to have an appointment in maternity hospital. He was on the train so couldnt really talk,and i couldnt really hear either but i asked did he hear heart beat and few other questions and i swear the way he answered me it was like he was lying. For example i said did you get a scan picture and he said no , and they asked her 'did we get a pic'. I dont know whats going on but i get the feeling he may not of been with her but because at the beginning i raised myy suspicions with him, he may not be being totaly honest or something as he knows what i feel and think of it. Also could have been due to the fact he was on the train...its hard to say. So im going to see him,and most likely her too, tomorrow so im going to gauge the situation and depending on what feeling i get etc, i will have a discreet chat with it. Gosh its so hard to know how to deal with this. And by the way, s if you can go into the rotunda for a pregnancy test, if you did they would point you in the direction of a chemist or your gp. I shall post tomorrow after i see him and update you all on the developments-if there are any.

Firetrap

Very odd. Best of luck. I hope your brother's capable of seeing he's being taken for a mug. You say they're together 5 months and already living together. In a rocky relationship. That's as much of a worry as anything else. His critical faculties may have gone AWOL.

curlzy

curlzy wrote: »

This is one of the many reasons I think it's absolutely shocking and archaic that men don't have a contraceptive pill that they can take. In 2011 men should have the choice to control their fertility!!!!

I am a friend wrote: »

Men do have an option to control their capacity to reproduce - it's called a condom.

I know that. If you reread my post you'll see I specifically said that they don't have a contraceptive pill, the difference being that you can't hide a condom whereas they can certainly hide taking the pill, which in this case would be very very useful. Also condoms are not as effective as a contraceptive pills.

Op, thanks for the update, I think you're doing the right thing by talking to your brother, hopefully you'll be in time to stop him from actually get trapped, because at others say I'm sure she'll be trying getting pregnant for real.

iguana

Problem2solve wrote:

So im going to see him,and most likely her too, tomorrow so im going to gauge the situation and depending on what feeling i get etc, i will have a discreet chat with it

I think that's the best idea. It all definitely sounds very suspicious but you have to tread carefully so as not to alienate your brother.

curlzy wrote: »

I know that. If you reread my post you'll see I specifically said that they don't have a contraceptive pill, the difference being that you can't hide a condom whereas they can certainly hide taking the pill, which in this case would be very very useful. Also condoms are not as effective as a contraceptive pills.

There is no male pill because a safe one hasn't been invented yet. It isn't as if scientists haven't been working on creating one for just as long as they've been working on female contraceptives. It's no more "absolutely shocking and archaic" than the fact that we don't have jet-packs and moon cities yet.

curlzy

iguana wrote: »

There is no male pill because a safe one hasn't been invented yet. It isn't as if scientists haven't been working on creating one for just as long as they've been working on female contraceptives. It's no more "absolutely shocking and archaic" than the fact that we don't have jet-packs and moon cities yet.

Hmmmm bit of an exageration there? Comparing male contraceptive pills to jet-packs and moon cities no? :rolleyes:

http://malecontraceptives.org/methods/hormonal.php

It's not that they can't make them it's that the multinational pharmaceutical companies are putting their cash into the guaranteed $7 billion they make on female contraceptives. So IMO it is shocking and archaic to put money before the choice of men to control their fertility. If you want to continue debating send me a pm, otherwise I can't really see this as helpful to the OP.

nibtrix

As far as I know, all of the maternity hospitals give the expectant mother their file to take home between appointments, mainly as they just don't have the space to store them but also so the expectant mother can bring the file to her gp for her regular check-ups.

You could ask your brother has he looked in the file, as printouts from the scans are usually attached to it.

orchidsrpretty

Yes, everyone who has been to the hospital will get their own file which they take home and bring in for each appointment. Ask her to see it, there is nothing that personal in it so she should oblige if she has one.

I know a woman who has claimed to be pregenant 5 times in the last 2 years. Every time she has suffered a miscarrige. Its become very difficult to believe her and it makes me feel awful for doubting her. She has never had any evidence and her miscarriges always come at a "convient"time i.e she is due her first scan or hosiptal appointment. The last time she did go for a scan, left the picture in her bfs car, he went away for work for 3 weeks so she couldnt get it back. She then had a miscarrige before he came home. We have never seen the pictures.

With some people you really don't know what does be going on in their heads to make up stuff like this, but it happens.

January

nibtrix wrote: »

As far as I know, all of the maternity hospitals give the expectant mother their file to take home between appointments, mainly as they just don't have the space to store them but also so the expectant mother can bring the file to her gp for her regular check-ups.

You could ask your brother has he looked in the file, as printouts from the scans are usually attached to it.

I've never got to take either of my files from the Coombe or the Rotunda home... so it's not guaranteed.

Morag

You only get your file to take home if you are doing combined care with your dr or you are in the last two weeks of pregnancy so you have it with you when you go in to deliver the baby.

nibtrix

Well, Holles street give most people their file to take home unless they are waiting on test results or something.

It's not really the issue anyway, it was just a possible thing for the op to check with the "pregnant" woman.

Pandora2

Also, I have seen a young woman walk into the Rotunda and request a pregnancy test and got one!! I was quite surprised:eek: Seemed to be quite a routine thing, she had a friend with her and they were obviously delighted with the "Negative" result! Was a good few years back but still!

C-J

Pandora2 wrote: »

Also, I have seen a young woman walk into the Rotunda and request a pregnancy test and got one!! I was quite surprised:eek: Seemed to be quite a routine thing, she had a friend with her and they were obviously delighted with the "Negative" result! Was a good few years back but still!

they definitely don't do that nowadays. Doctors thought i was having a miscarriage and was still made sit and wait in a&e for 5 hours things are that bad.

Pandora2

C-J wrote: »

they definitely don't do that nowadays. Doctors thought i was having a miscarriage and was still made sit and wait in a&e for 5 hours things are that bad.

:mad::(:eek:

Oryx

Pandora2 wrote: »

:mad::(:eek:

Remember where youre posting, please, and keep it relevant to the op.

I am a friend

I think her story about the hospital is only a small part of it. My issue is that the brother is not acting like a responsible adult by ensuring it's true...

LegacyUser

Op,
Expect a "miscarriage" soon. Your brother sounds like he's taking this hook line and sinker so just be there for him when it happens.

In fairness the truth will come out eventually but he'll hav to see it for himself. If you get too involved I would be afraid of her convincing him that you are not trustworthy as she sound manipulative.

I've went through something similar myself a long time ago. In the early stages I was dragged in by guilt. I was afraid to call her out on it because of how insensitive and horrible it sounds if I was wrong. Could you imagine accusing your ACTUALLY pregnant girlfriend of such things, how aweful it would seem. He might have to learn the hard way on this but just make sure your there for him if you can.

Firetrap

beentherebefore wrote: »

In fairness the truth will come out eventually but he'll have to see it for himself. If you get too involved I would be afraid of her convincing him that you are not trustworthy as she sound manipulative.

This is the crux of the matter I think. Like it or not, there are two of them in this relationship. That they moved in together so soon and that it's not harmonious doesn't say a lot for the stability of either partner. He probably enjoys the drama and the intensity of it as much as she does. The OP also said that he'd like to have kids..

If the OP didn't get to have a discreet chat, some general chatter or questions that might sow seeds of doubt in his own mind might be the way to go.

seenitall

beentherebefore wrote: »

Op,
Expect a "miscarriage" soon...

...In fairness the truth will come out eventually

How will the truth come out eventually? If she has a "miscarriage", what do you think will come out? Exactly nothing. They will both be "devastated", and after that it will be business as usual. Until either a next time, or a real pregnancy.

Hi OP,

This may sound harsh to a lot of people, but honestly, if this were my bro we were talking about (and I do have one, and he is prone to self-delusion in romantic matters as well), I'd just let him get on with it. Everyone makes their own bed. Do you think he really doesn't know what's going on when he has to hear some weird excuses about doctors, scans and hospitals? Or when he has to make another set of weird excuses to you? The heck he doesn't. Knowing something isn't the same as accepting something, though (not for some, anyway). You can bring the horse to water and all that.

I'd steer well clear of the whole mess, but then my bro and myself have a very un-sentimental, somewhat detached type of bond. I appreciate how difficult all this has to be on you.

Good luck.

PeterIanStaker

curlzy wrote: »

Wow OP, hard situation to be in. If it was my brother I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut. I'd be telling him to use a condom for the next while because I'm sure that's she's planning on getting pregnant. This type of thing is hands down worst thing you can do to a partner, worse than cheating! I've heard it happen and as f*cking disgustingly sickening as it sounds I think that your brother is on the road to being trapped in a relationship with a lying, deceitful so and so. So yeah I really wouldn't keep my mouth shut, I'd go for a coffee with him and lay out all my concerns, that you don't think she's really pregnant but is trying to be!!! I've had the conversation with my own little brother, told him that some girls do indeed engage in this kind of scumbaggery and that if he's caught out then it's gonna change his whole life, even if he wants nothing to do with the baby, it will still impact him financially for at least another 18 years!!! I doubt he'll tell her about the conversation and sure if it turns out that she is pregnant (I very much doubt it) then sure no harm done.

This is one of the many reasons I think it's absolutely shocking and archaic that men don't have a contraceptive pill that they can take. In 2011 men should have the choice to control their fertility!!!!

Best of luck to you and your brother.

Well said. The OP's brother is being used here, and he should find out what's really going on ASAP before he gets taken for a mug.

LegacyUser

OP, only you know your brother. Do you really think he's that clueless? It sounds to me like he might be aware of the deception and maybe they've talked it out/resolved their issues and he may be protecting her - from you!
The girl sounds very immature - and maybe your brother is too, but even if it's a dysfunctional relationship it's theirs. Be careful to support without humiliating either one of them because otherwise he will close up completely.

kylith

OP when you go see them gush and make a fuss about seeing the picture.

I do find it very strange that he didn't go in with her for the scan. If I were pregnant I'd expect my OH to want to go in with me, or I'd tell him to come in with me. That he didn't go with her would be a huge alarm bell for me.

CarMe

Hope things are ok for your brother OP

dudara

Closing this thread as the OP has opened a new one.

dudara