confidence issues - life coaching

LegacyUser

im a mid 20's male that has struggled with confidence issues for the last 6 or so yrs.. I am an X sufferer of severe social anxiety which was treated with meds last yr. no longer on meds but I still feel the pressures of social situations , especially wen talking to women.

My confidence issues and anxiety problem started after my first sexual experience which i had at the age of 15 or so and spiralled out of control from there. feeling constantly on alert and nervous , especially about meeting ppl, event those I know really well.(friends), feeling like I trust no one, I always feel a lot of pressure and responsibility to be the one steering a conversation, and desperately avoiding what may become an awkward silence. Sometimes i hear myself babbling or talking utter nonsense, saying stupid things, putting my foot in it, just to avoid what may be 5 seconds of silence with the person im talking with.

still living at home and cant find the courage to move out and start a proper life, meeting new people, potential girlfriends, a proper career, ect.. I endlessly talk about travelling and other things, great aspirations but never do anything about it.

In theory I should'nt have anything to fear as I have a great group of friends, a job, im average good looking and do get attention from girls on and off, athletic build and very sporty, but this does nothing for my confidence, at all.

I have had counselling on and off over the past three years but with no great success. Never had any long term benefit from it as although it is somewhat therapeutic to offload about your problems, it doesn't solve them in the long term.

Has anyone tried any other methods of self improvement and or confidence building especially wen talking to the opposite sex??? Ive heard something lately about life coaching but not to sure what exactly it is.. hopefully someone could shine some light on this..

Feeling really ****ty tonight in particular after getting a text form a girl i met last week wen i was drunk but couldn't build up the confidence to meet her and ended up blowing her off to sit at home and watch tv... im such a doushe bag right now..

emmabee

james.cc wrote: »

still living at home and cant find the courage to move out and start a proper life, meeting new people, potential girlfriends, a proper career, ect.. I endlessly talk about travelling and other things, great aspirations but never do anything about it.

That's the money shot right there. You've obviously hit some form of a crossroads if you've been inspired to seek help here, and I really think travelling or a new job is the way forward for you. Maybe so far you've been sheltered. You need to start having a real reason to admire and believe in yourself, start filling the hole of self doubt within you. This can be done by throwing yourself into new, challenging environments, taking a plunge of sorts. You'll start to see yourself as what you are, a high quality man who can achieve things of his own accord.

As regards the confidence issue with women, maybe start spending time with women on more social grounds rather than putting them on a pedestal. This will help you strike a balance between being yourself and throwing in the charm when needs be.

As for life coaching, never tried it, but a friend did. They taught him to make his bed and made him a CV, cost €3000.

Best of luck regardless!

LegacyUser

as it just so happens im due to start into a new career in a few weeks, just got word of this. This also means moving out of the home house and moving city. Im in a state of panic about this now as I put in tremendous amount of work to secure this career. Im terrified of the taught's of moving in with strangers for the first time and what effect this might have on my already bubbling anxiety. Im terrified that if for some reason the career doesent work out, I will be a disappointment to my family and to myself. I hope I have the confidence to drive forward with this, and not bonk on this hole new expedition of mine. But i cant stay stagnant in the home house forever.. I need to learn to grow up and be my own man, and have my own life...

On the girls front, its not the first time ive been told I need to spent more time with them , on a friendship basis to get me to a point of being comfortable just talking with them. But I always feel on high alert as I dont want to be awkward and quiet around them but on the latter, I dont want to feel too comfortable either, cracking wise, and making jokes as this may bring the possibility of being fancied by them , and hence my fear of sexual relations and being intimate with a woman would be met head on. Its an awful pickle.

Any more comments on this matter very much welcome....

James

Colonel Panic

Sounds like you know what to do without a life coach!

It's pretty scary for sure, but a new job and new city is a great way of getting out there and meeting people, you just need to not give yourself enough time to talk yourself out of it.