What to do with my life?

LegacyUser

I have a kid with my ex gfriend,The baby is nearly one.I was planning to go travelling before she got pregnant.I feel like if i dont travel now i never will but i hate the taught of being in a different country to my baby for a long period of time.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Kadongy

I dont think a time when you have an infant child is a good time to go travelling at all. You have a responsibility to your kid, and it is normal and human to want to stay around for them.

Dont know why you think if you dont travel now you never will. Main reason people feel like that when they're younger is because they dont have responsibilities yet that stop them from going. You do.

padz

travel for a year sure babys dont remember much the first year.. afterall ask yourself what was ur first memory 4-5? just be back by then

tallaghtmick

padz wrote: »

travel for a year sure babys dont remember much the first year.. afterall ask yourself what was ur first memory 4-5? just be back by then

Do not listen to that shocking advice!!

The first year is the most important year for a baby,if you leave now and come back the baby will not recognise you at all.

I understand that you are young and that you didnt plan on the baby but tough luck you have to stay and help the mother with the baby,I have a 2 year old now and I wouldnt change it for the world even though ill never go on a proper holiday for years.

butterfly84

padz wrote: »

travel for a year sure babys dont remember much the first year.. afterall ask yourself what was ur first memory 4-5? just be back by then

I hope this is a joke.Who is supposed to be staying at home minding the baby?

OP,what would you think if your ex told you she was thinking of travelling?Would you be happy to care for your child full time?

I know it might not be the what you imagined your life to go but you really dont have the option to travel for long periods now you have a child.For the moment you could go for short periods at the time and maybe you will get the chance to travel extensivley when you and the child are older.
Also,it costs a lot of money to travel.I'd say it cost me €10k plus to do it so this will be harder for you if youre paying maintenence etc...save youre money in the meantime and hopefully there will be a more suitable time for you to consider travel

padz

im taking the other point of view to the the above posts on this one... op said she is his ex so hes not commited in that sence & also said he wished to travel if he belives that he may not be in a position to travel in the future if he wants to remain in ireland with the child then i would think imo travelling in the early years is an valid option

ther can be a tendency for people to advise what they believe to be right and moral on boards and not what could actually make sence, im just sayin its a valid option to the op as he is single

dearg lady

padz wrote: »

im taking the other point of view to the the above posts on this one... op said she is his ex so hes not commited in that sence & also said he wished to travel if he belives that he may not be in a position to travel in the future if he wants to remain in ireland with the child then i would think imo travelling in the early years is an valid option

ther can be a tendency for people to advise what they believe to be right and moral on boards and not what could actually make sence, im just sayin its a valid option to the op as he is single

and what, OP's ex looks after the baby full time on her own for a year while he swans off? Something tells me that won't go down too well.

The money thing is a big issue too, between paying maintenance and travel costs, it would be a very expensive time.

Perhaps if you were goin for a shorter time your ex might be more accomodating, maybe 2 or 3 months, anything more than that is really taking the piss IMO. Either way, you would need to have a good chat with the ex and reach a mutual decision

padz

dearg lady wrote: »

and what, OP's ex looks after the baby full time on her own for a year while he swans off? Something tells me that won't go down too well.

The money thing is a big issue too, between paying maintenance and travel costs, it would be a very expensive time.

Perhaps if you were goin for a shorter time your ex might be more accomodating, maybe 2 or 3 months, anything more than that is really taking the piss IMO. Either way, you would need to have a good chat with the ex and reach a mutual decision

id agree with u there, but i guess i was just sayin if their apart and that there would be room to travel... mite strech it to 5months:rolleyes:

LegacyUser

I have discussed this with my ex and she would prefer that if i wanted to travel to do it now and be there when she is older.I am really attached to the baby and i donth know what to do.

dearg lady

lombard wrote: »

I have discussed this with my ex and she would prefer that if i wanted to travel to do it now and be there when she is older.I am really attached to the baby and i donth know what to do.

well she is more understanding than most!
I suppose what you have to consider is would you actually enjoy it, would you miss your child too much. When you had the idea of travelling in your head before you were thinkin no ties at home.

Perhaps you would consider an extended holiday to somewhere you really want to see. If you plan it well you can fit a lot in, and you'll probly enjoy it more knowing you won't be away for too long.

Kadongy

I have discussed this with my ex and she would prefer that if i wanted to travel to do it now and be there when she is older.I am really attached to the baby and i donth know what to do.

Your responsibility is to your kid, not your ex really.

Even if it was, some people agree to all sorts of crap. Doesn't mean it is ok to subject them to it.

qwertytlk

Your child might not recognise or remember you of they didnt see you for a year, would you be bale to cope with this? What about your ex...after all you are both parents to this child so therefore equally responsible for it so she is probably not going to be too happy with you going off travelling for a year and not seeing your child or helping with its upbringing. Also there is the financial side to it, because unless you have a nice few bob in the bank you are going to be pretty broke, as most who go travelling are as you will most likely be doing low wage jobs and most of your wages will go on living expenses. So whats left over to help with the little ones expenses? And you dont just have to go travelling when you are young, you can do it at any age...the worlds not going anywhere!

coco_lola

My mother was 20 when she had me.. She has now moved to Australia at 42. Since I went to college at 18 she has done more travelling than any 25-30 year old I know!! Its never too late to travel. If you go, you will miss some of the most memorable moments of your child's life, first words, steps, starting school etc. Those are all a big deal and not having a daddy around really makes a difference.