Romance for men?

susiebubbles

My relationship has hit a tough spot. Things have been pretty stressful for me family and workwise the last few months and my partner has been great but is now looking for my attention. The thing is I'm stumped...what is considered a treat or romantic by guys? I promised him a weekend all about him in two weeks but I don't know what to do. I had gotten bath smelly stuff a few weeks ago (I felt he deserved a but of pampering) and was gonna run him a bath and give him a massage but it turns out he doesn't like baths and he can be difficult in regards to a massage (sometimes he likes it other times he doesn't). We had a row over it and when I told him my plan he said of course he likes bath and massages despite him saying a week previous he didn't. I asked him what he considers a treat and he said blowjobs. Then he got huffy with me and said it's not all about sex. I asked him again what could I do that would be nice for him and he said I should know by now and he shouldn't have to tell me. I want to throttle him if I'm honest. He says I'm not giving him enough attention and I try then it's all wrong anyway. I'm looking for ideas on what I could do to pamper him that doesn't cost lots of money.

WindSock

Cook him his favourite meal. And wear some nice lingerie or something that you think looks good. Get some massage oil and give him a nice sensuous back massage. No one dislikes massages. After that, well it probably gets a bit 'blue'

Alternatively or aswell you could get him a voucher for something he might enjoy or tickets to a gig and accompany him. Really, he is correct in saying you should know what he likes. You should.

Susie_Q

To be honest, he sounds like a bit of a madam. Why can't he just tell you straight out what he wants? All this huffing and sulking makes him sound very childish. Does he really deserve a treat?

nicechick!

Ask him second guessing things isn't going to help you GOOD LUCK

susiebubbles

We have a pretty healthy sex life, we do kink things up a bit so in that regard its not going to be a treat and he said that it shouldn't be about sex and he doesn't like massages so that kinda puts me in a bit of a pickle. I do know what he likes but I'm fu*ked if I know how to make a love of cars translate to a day of pampering. He has a longer list of things he doesn't like than things he does. Tbh I think he doesn't know what he likes-he can be very negative.

I'm not entirely sure he does deserve it after the row at the weekend but I'm not sure were it leaves us if I do nothing!

ElleEm

Susie_Q wrote: »

To be honest, he sounds like a bit of a madam. Why can't he just tell you straight out what he wants? All this huffing and sulking makes him sound very childish. Does he really deserve a treat?

Telling someone what you would like for a treat takes the goodness away. And all this talking of treats is probably boring him to tears.

Men are simple creatures. He would probably be happy with a blowjob, as he said!!! Dress up, cook him a nice meal and have a long night in bed together. This will probably be all the attention he craved in one!

susiebubbles

He wasn't happy with the blow job!!! As I said we have a pretty healthy sex life so a blow job is not a special act-it happens whenever we get up to shenanigans! He is looking for a day of pampering.

He doesn't really like the cinema, he won't come up to dublin, he doesn't like walks on the beach, the weather is crap for picnics, he is finicky about massages, he doesn't want to go too far from his home, and a night in with a movie has been done to death at this stage.

I'm asked him for clarification because he has knocked back most of my ideas so far and he is expecting me to do something special and I'm all out of ideas.

Neyite

You've had a really stressful time lately with family and work and he is throwing a strop over not getting 'treats' and attention?

What, is he four?

I would have no time for that crap to be honest - if he wants attention then he should stop acting like a bratty kid for a start. You tried to run him a bath, and he sulked, then changed his mind, you tried to suggest a massage and he doesnt know if he likes them now or not, you asked him what he wanted and he stated 'blowjob' then sulked and said it wasnt about sex. Well, what the hell is it about then?

If you really want to go ahead with treating him, buy him his favourite booze, cook him a candlelit dinner complete with starter and dessert, stick on his favourite movie and top the night off with a shag. Or get him tickets to a band he likes if you can afford it.

Personally I wouldnt, purely because of his attitude- he has taken all the good out of it. I support my partner when times are stressful and vice versa, and we dont consider it something that requires repayment - its what grown up couples do.

Miss Fluff

Sorry but it sounds to me like you're most probably going onandonandonandonandonandonandonandonandonandon about what he would and wouldn't like, it is most probably doing his head in. You're taking all the spontanaeity out of this so stop asking him for goodness' sake.

Tell him to be free on a certain day. Book him in for a driving day in a fast car at Mondello, home for an amazing home-cooked 20oz top quality steak and chips with some nice wine, followed by a striptease out of your new lingerie, the best blowjob he's ever gotten and finished off with some kinky sex where you do all the work.

He'll go to sleep a happy man.

Stop asking him and just do it.

Auldloon

Miss Fluff has got it spot on.

Wompa1

Yeah, Fluffy has it I think. Toward the end of one of my relationships it was obvious to me that I was doing all the romantic gestures and planning things for us etc. Felt no love or affection back and told her.

She then went on about it in a moaning way as though it was a chore and completely angered me about it which meant everything she tried to do then was half hearted and she was just doing it because it's what was expected of her...not that she wanted to.

I always found the little things the most romantic from a girlfriend...like an ex of mine before noticed one day I ate a blueberry muffin in the morning so she got a 6 pack of them in her house just for me.

Had another ex who collected flower pettals for a couple of days on the sly and one night lit some candles and put them on the bed. The thought that went into that one and the fact she hid it from me made it seem pretty special...

curlzy

Hey OP,

I'm not going to make assumptions that you're doing his head in over this. I take you at your word that he doesn't really know what he wants and is very negative and hard to please.

I think Ms Fluff's idea is excellent although a day in Mondello and a 20oz stake with wine and new lingerie is very expensive. I'm kinda stumped to be honest, my bf is the opposite and a rasher sandwich and bj (not at the same time ) is his idea of christmas. You say he's very negative and hard to please and to be honest he certainly sounds it. I'm wondering if you can actually come up with something that he'll enjoy as it sounds like he changes his mind regularly, i.e. likes baths then hates baths, bjs then "it's not all about sex".

If you've been having a hard time with work and family then in fairness as your partner he should be supportive and shouldn't need a reward. Like if it was the other way around I'm sure you would have been there for him too. So yeah it's a tough one but if you've been having such a hard time then I really don't think he should be stressing you out about knowing what he wants (I don't agree that you should automatically know what he wants as it sounds like he changes that regularly and isn't the best at saying what he wants).

So yeah I'd keep it simple, get some of his favourite movies (Die hard, preditor or whatever) and cook him a nice meal and cuddle up on the couch. I love doing that with my bf and to be honest I think most people in love enjoy doing even the simplist of things together.

Best of luck!

susiebubbles

I suggested Mondello, paintball, cinema...he reckons Mondello is a bit sh*t, paintball is too far away, and current movies are also a bit sh*t. It sometimes fells like everything is a bit sh*t for him. He can be very negative and its grinding me down.


The reason this came about, I suspect, is that I said I didn't want to go to a party this weekend. I wanted to go to his on Friday and come back Saturday evening. I've recently moved and my stuff is still all over the place, I need to do a shop/laundry/somehow get upc installed and find a way to do this despite working late and communting down to his every weekend (he hates dublin and won't stay despite me asking).

I'm not going on and on, he has DEMANDED a day dedicated to him. To be fair I don't mind, I like spoiling him I just don't know what to do as he's knocked back suggestions then back tracked to the point were I do not know if I'm going right or wrong. Do I now suggest Modello again now that he does like back rubs/baths?? Or do I leave it given that I feel I'll probably get a moan about how sh*t it is or how far away it is?

I'm really affectionate with him, I tell him I love him, that i think he's fantastic. I don't want to break up with him. I just want to do something nice for him but he's making it really difficult!

susiebubbles

That made me smile! Yea that was the part of the row...I just don't know if he's coming or going. I've kinda decided that as he won't tell me what he does/does not like and it bloody well changes anyway that he's getting a nice dinner, home spa treatments, a candle lit bath, a massage and a good dvd. It's a bit girly but he has declined all the masculine stuff. I'm sure I'll find out if it's a bit sh*t anyway.

Cheers to those that offered sound advice

Fittle

Sorry, what is it you actually LIKE bout this fella that makes you go out with him

The bit about him not coming to Dublin - so you are doing all the running to him? You are treating him like a spoiled child by catering to his every whim, and he's loving it!

Take a step back...what does he do for you?

Ickle Magoo

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Many thanks.

tallaghtmick

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach,make him a meal and get a manly dvd for him,afterwards get your nicest(sluttiest)lingerie and take him upstairs,thats how I would like it I hope he does too,good luck.

tatabubbly

Whoa there horsey, nearly all of these suggestions involve sex and the OP said that she wanted to do something nice without sex.

My boyfriend likes to pay xbox with me, or a nice meal.. Also we regularly go for strolls to the parks with the dogs..

If sex happens thats great but sex isn't everything in a relationship, having a conversation with someone counts as well

curlzy

tallaghtmick wrote: »

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach,make him a meal and get a manly dvd for him,afterwards get your nicest(sluttiest)lingerie and take him upstairs,thats how I would like it I hope he does too,good luck.

See OP? This is what (and I hate to generalise), the vast majority of men are happy with. I'd say if your BF isn't happy with this then you've got deeper issues of having a man that's only happy when you're jumping through hoops or he's having a moan, I'd be seriously reconsidering the relationship if it doesn't get a more fulfilling than it is at present.

beks101

susiebubbles wrote: »

.
he has DEMANDED a day dedicated to him

I just find this really weird.

What kind of person DEMANDS a day dedicated to them? Regardless of how tough things have been for you/him in the last few months, you don't 'owe' him anything, if he loves you he'd be happy to be by your side without requiring some sort of exchange for simply being there.

What has he done to deserve this kind of special attention? By all accounts all he's done recently is acted like a spoilt child, demanding your attention, sulking, being completely uncooperative and letting you jump through hoops to win his approval - despite the difficult time you've been having lately. You don't sound like equals at all, he's calling the shots here and you're enabling him by letting him away with it.

Personally, I love making a fuss of someone when I'm in a relationship, but not when I feel like I have a loaded gun to my head. Doing something nice under duress, to me, takes the value out of it - the whole point of doing it is that it's a surprise, it's spontaneous and it's a reflection of my love for someone - doing something I don't have to, but want to do of my own accord.

If my bf DEMANDED that sort of attention, I'd be disgusted to be quite honest and it would kill the romantic element to any such gesture. Who is he, the Queen??

Simply put, as it is it sounds like your boyfriend is just adding to, rather than easing the problems in your life right now. Is he really worth it?

susiebubbles

Generally he is fantastic. I'm assuming this is gonna be a very rare freak out, I've done it myself. I'm sticking to my plan for this weekend and I'll go up to his the following weekend. We've both had time to calm down and if he is still being weird I guess I'll deal with it then. But he usually is quite supportive!

fungun

time with his xbox/playstation
blowjob
dinner cooked
dvd/massage
striptease and sex

sounds about right to me, miss fluff was on the money.

One thing Id add (which may or may not be apt) is that men can also hate when they feel the sex is 'due'. What he wants is to feel you really want it, not that its 'payment'. So Id almost be tempted to do sth like have a day planned for Sun or sth but then Fri night say to him you cant wait for Sun and just do what you had in mind.....make him feel you couldnt wait for it. Also, remember how men get turned on visually....might help you give him a treat.

Best of luck. For the record, if he is usually supportive and you have had a hard time recently and he has been supportive of you, I think its nice that you are trying to give something back. Just a pity it has now backfired a bit, takes the good out of it a little bit. But is a nice thought