2010 Darwin Awards

Susie_Q

Gotta love the Darwin Awards. I think I like number 7 the best.

(Link: http://dalesdesigns.net/2010DA.htm)

THEY'RE HERE! 2010 DARWIN AWARDS

You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado, here are the 2010 Darwin Awards.

Eighth Place

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.


Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran", accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.


Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.


Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.


HONORABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.


RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.


AND THE WINNER IS....

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.

The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... '**** happens'

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES FROM THE GENE POOL.

Midnight_EG

It's 2011 now...

smash

What, no boardsies there?

Fremen

Anyone else find the Darwin awards kind of tasteless?

biko

Hmm, http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/darwin06.asp

Mr Freeze

Midnight_EG wrote: »

It's 2011 now...

And plenty of time yet for people to off themselves in crazy ways.

stupidusername

Number four should've won.

orourkeda

The guy who tried to rob the gun shop should have won

mikemac

Number eight is a terrible way to go, imagine his panic

milehip1

Fremen wrote: »

Anyone else find the Darwin awards kind of tasteless?

Nope, I find them hilarious!

orourkeda

Fremen wrote: »

Anyone else find the Darwin awards kind of tasteless?

They do a superb job in highighting the complete retardation of the human race

Riskymove

that elephant story winner is about 10 years old at least

EDIT
1998-1999 in fact

http://darwinawards.com/legends/legends1998-09.html

Susie_Q

Maybe this guy should be included?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2035614/Father-dies-bizarre-clothes-horse-accident-likely-hit-meteorite.html

A father died when he became trapped by a clothes horse as he hung his washing out to dry.


Brian Depledge, 38, was asphyxiated after tripping and falling backwards into the plastic drying rack, trapping his neck between its rungs, an inquest heard yesterday.



A shocked coroner said Mr Depledge had stood a greater chance of being killed by ‘lightning or a meteorite’.


The inquest in Bradford was told how the father-of-two fell into the clothes horse after tripping over a stool, and his neck and chest became wedged in its rungs as it collapsed.
He struggled to free himself but created a ‘cat’s cradle effect’ that only made the compression worse, the hearing heard. The coroner, Professor Paul Marks, said: ‘I have never come across a case like this.

Riskymove

this the one I like:

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS, President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:

On March 23,1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to that effect, indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window which killed him instantly.

Neither the shooter nor the descender was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.

"Ordinarily," Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide."

That Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands. The room on the ninth floor, whence the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with the murder charge the old man and his wife were both adamant. They both said they thought the shotgun was unloaded. Thed old man said it was his long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son had actually murdered himself so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

mossyc123

Fremen wrote: »

Anyone else find the Darwin awards kind of tasteless?

I'd go as far as to call them disgusting and revolting.

Anyone who finds a story about someone dying hilarious rather then tragic needs their heads examined.

All of the people publicly named have families and friends.

If anyone I was ever close to died in a tragic freak accident and was included on that list i'd put some time and resources into trying to find the little nerds who compile this list and beat the livin sh!t outta them!

Sin_J

The runner up, with the bungee jumping didn't die, so not really eligable to be in there.

milehip1

mossyc123 wrote: »

Anyone who finds a story about someone dying hilarious rather then tragic needs their heads examined.

All of the people publicly named have families and friends.

If anyone I was ever close to died in a tragic freak accident and was included on that list i'd put some time and resources into trying to find the little nerds who compile this list and beat the livin sh!t outta them!

Life does not cease to be funny when people die,
anymore than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

mossyc123

milehip1 wrote: »

Life does not cease to be funny when people die,
anymore than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

Would you be laughing if you personally knew any of the people involved?

Someone said they found No. 7 particularly funny.

The guy went out for a morning jog and his family and friends never seen him alive again.

He was only 49.

WTF is wrong with people

4leto

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.


HONORABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was closed.

And another honoury award goes to a society that allows its citizens to have firearms and somehow allows access to dynamite.

Jaysus I wouldn't even give me dynamite, it would be just to much fun.

JerryHandbag

2009 Irish Darwin award nominee

http://www.rte.ie/news/2009/0323/collopyp.html

Daemos

Susie_Q wrote: »

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2035614/Father-dies-bizarre-clothes-horse-accident-likely-hit-meteorite.html

"Father-dies-bizarre-clothes-horse-accident-likely-hit-meteorite" is the best news URL I've ever seen

ballsymchugh

that collopy fella in limerick that shot his head off when showing kids how to use a gun at a party should get into the hall of fame. can't be a lifetime hall of fame though..

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/gardai-braced-for-bloodbath-in-wake-of-gangsters-death-1686480.html?start=2

edit: damn you jerry handbag!

Irish Guitarist

I hope whoever compiles these lists dies doing something stupid so other people can laugh at them.

I'm sure most people have done at least one stupid and dangerous thing in their lives and just got away with it by sheer luck.

4leto

I nearly won one of these, there I was walking with the headphones blaring on an open beach with the tide out in the middle of a lightning storm.

MitchKoobski

Sin_J wrote: »

The runner up, with the bungee jumping didn't die, so not really eligable to be in there.

Thats why he was a runner-up. If they don't die, they get an honourable mention or a runner-up. A death means an award, regardless of where you may come in the TOP 10.

sensibleken

mossyc123 wrote: »

I'd go as far as to call them disgusting and revolting.

Anyone who finds a story about someone dying hilarious rather then tragic needs their heads examined.

All of the people publicly named have families and friends.

If anyone I was ever close to died in a tragic freak accident and was included on that list i'd put some time and resources into trying to find the little nerds who compile this list and beat the livin sh!t outta them!

no you wouldnt

JerryHandbag

ballsymchugh wrote: »

that collopy fella in limerick that shot his head off when showing kids how to use a gun at a party should get into the hall of fame. can't be a lifetime hall of fame though..

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/gardai-braced-for-bloodbath-in-wake-of-gangsters-death-1686480.html?start=2

edit: damn you jerry handbag!

If only all his "associates" had copied this demonstration

iregk

The best one I heard of was the chap that had been sitting in traffic for a couple of hours and needed to pee. He got out of the car, jumped the fence beside it to go and relieve himself but he had not realised he was stopped on a bridge and promptly fell to his death.

mossyc123 i'll go hang my head in shame for having a sense of humor. I guess in these times we aren't allowed to have one.

Pherekydes

4leto wrote: »

And another honoury award goes to a society that allows its citizens to have firearms and somehow allows access to dynamite.

Wouldn't this be an ideal society? They supply its citizenry with the means to remove themselves from the gene pool, if they are stupid enough to do so.

So how do we know that any of these unfortunates passed away without having passed on their genes?

Because that's the definition of Darwinian selection: die without reproducing.

sensibleken

Pherekydes wrote: »

Wouldn't this be an ideal society? They supply its citizenry with the means to remove themselves from the gene pool, if they are stupid enough to do so.

So how do we know that any of these unfortunates passed away without having passed on their genes?

Because that's the definition of Darwinian selection: die without reproducing.

thats a criteria they use for selection. for example there was one a few years ago with a woman managed to kill herself and her son, who was childless, thus removing her genes from the pool by including her only progeny

Wattle

Riskymove wrote: »

this the one I like:

At the 1994 annual awards dinner given for Forensic Science, AAFS, President Dr. Don Harper Mills astounded his audience with the legal complications of a bizarre death. Here is the story:

On March 23,1994 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to that effect, indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window which killed him instantly.

Neither the shooter nor the descender was aware that a safety net had been installed just below at the eighth floor level to protect some building workers and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.

"Ordinarily," Dr. Mills continued, "a person who sets out to commit suicide and ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended, is still defined as committing suicide."

That Mr. Opus was shot on the way to certain death, but probably would not have been successful because of the safety net, caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands. The room on the ninth floor, whence the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun. The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus.

When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with the murder charge the old man and his wife were both adamant. They both said they thought the shotgun was unloaded. Thed old man said it was his long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

Now comes the exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son had actually murdered himself so the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

Paul Thomas Anderson. 'Magnolia'.

JBnaglfar

Pretty sure the list in the OP is one of many fakes. Best to check the actual Darwin Awards webpage here.

mossyc123

iregk wrote: »

mossyc123 i'll go hang my head in shame for having a sense of humor. I guess in these times we aren't allowed to have one.

Laugh at that sort of stuff if you want to.

No skin off my nose, if you find humour in other peoples suffering i'll just think your a bit of an immature d!ckhead is all.

mossyc123

sensibleken wrote: »

no you wouldnt

I actually would.

sunflower27

Fremen wrote: »

Anyone else find the Darwin awards kind of tasteless?

Yeah, and kind of unbelievable, too.

sunflower27

mossyc123 wrote: »

Laugh at that sort of stuff if you want to.

No skin off my nose, if you find humour in other peoples suffering i'll just think your a bit of an immature d!ckhead is all.

It's kind of that really lame sense of humour. Like watching those TV shows of people falling off swings, riding their bike into a hedge or a dog chasing its tail.

Pass the remote.....

sensibleken

mossyc123 wrote: »

I actually would.

chances are you'd probably get a hiding yourself. then youd be bereaved and embarassed.

Or you could actually be killed. fights are dangerous, people die all the time. you....you wouldnt be being whimsical of violence would you? FOR SHAAAME!!!!

ArmaniJeanss

sunflower27 wrote: »

It's kind of that really lame sense of humour. Like watching those TV shows of people falling off swings, riding their bike into a hedge or a dog chasing its tail.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBQf23EAyOI

mossyc123

sensibleken wrote: »

chances are you'd probably get a hiding yourself. then youd be bereaved and embarassed.

Or you could actually be killed. fights are dangerous, people die all the time. you....you wouldnt be being whimsical of violence would you? FOR SHAAAME!!!!

Chances are you haven't a breeze how this hypothetical situation would play out.

With that sort of sentence structure, I nominate sensibleken to do us all a favour and remove himself from the gene pool.

mossyc123

sunflower27 wrote: »

It's kind of that really lame sense of humour. Like watching those TV shows of people falling off swings, riding their bike into a hedge or a dog chasing its tail.

Pass the remote.....

I find the likes of Jackass/Dirty Sanchez quite entertaining.

Laughing at people unintentionally causing themselves pain/harm is a different story altogether.

It indicates in the person a lack of empathy and emotional retardation IMO.

4leto

Pherekydes wrote: »

Wouldn't this be an ideal society? They supply its citizenry with the means to remove themselves from the gene pool, if they are stupid enough to do so.

So how do we know that any of these unfortunates passed away without having passed on their genes?

Because that's the definition of Darwinian selection: die without reproducing.

It really isn't themselves that worry me, its they have easy means to dispatch other more worthy genes from the gene pool.

iregk

mossyc123 wrote: »

Laugh at that sort of stuff if you want to.

No skin off my nose, if you find humour in other peoples suffering i'll just think your a bit of an immature d!ckhead is all.

Yet you're the one on here insulting people. How mature of you.

Wattle

mossyc123 wrote: »

I find the likes of Jackass/Dirty Sanchez quite entertaining.

Laughing at people unintentionally causing themselves pain/harm is a different story altogether.

It indicates in the person a lack of empathy and emotional retardation IMO.

I wish those Jackass/Dirty Sanchez guys would have an entry in the Darwin Awards. Dynamite in anus. Something like that

sunflower27

mossyc123 wrote: »

I find the likes of Jackass/Dirty Sanchez quite entertaining.

Laughing at people unintentionally causing themselves pain/harm is a different story altogether.

It indicates in the person a lack of empathy and emotional retardation IMO.

I've never watched Jackass. I was talking of the 'You've Been Framed' ilk. I never found them funny. It always surprised me how many people would watch it in stitches

sensibleken

mossyc123 wrote: »

Chances are you haven't a breeze how this hypothetical situation would play out.

.

oh do tell? how would it play out? how would you beat the crap out of them?

Genghiz Cohen

sensibleken wrote: »

oh do tell? how would it play out? how would you beat the crap out of them?

His 'Keyboard Warrior of the Year 2010' award, those things are heavy!

Paddycrumlinman

People have to realize that there is stupid and unlucky people in the world. Stupid and unlucky are one of the same...

sensibleken

Paddycrumlinman wrote: »

People have to realize that there is stupid and unlucky people in the world. Stupid and unlucky are one of the same...

Stupid and unlucky are one and the same? how did you figure that?

4leto

My brother and his mate hired a Ferrari (or some sports car) and went huiring down the autobahn at over 150mphs

His mates knee hit a button in the car hat cut the the power to the engine, so there they were coasting at over a 100 miles an hour with no power steering or traction control.

Then my brother copped on and screamed at his mate, "restart the car, RESTART THE CAR" and he did just in time.

They drove the car back at 40mph shaken.

Pherekydes

sensibleken wrote: »

Stupid and unlucky are one and the same? how did you figure that?

He didn't say that; he said "Stupid and unlucky are one of the same..."

Presumably he got unlucky before he could finish his post. Or too stupid to finish it? :pac: