Conundrum

LegacyUser

I’m in a bit of a conundrum to be honest and I’d really appreciate any feedback or opinions on what options I have or what decisions I should make.

A little background to my story. Just over three years ago I met my other half (OH) who turned out to be a very special part of my life. We were extremely happy in our relationship and everything was perfect. We never argued and it truly seemed destined to be. I have a good job in Ireland which I don’t particularly mind and enjoy occasionally. It pays well and is extremely stable and thus I am very lucky in that regard.

My other half meanwhile had been looking for employment for over 12 months with no success. Around six months ago an opportunity arose for the OH to obtain a visa for the US, an opportunity one would be mad to turn down in all honesty, especially with the current climate in Ireland. We were faced with a major obstacle in our relationship. I realistically couldn’t leave my job (mortgage etc…) while the OH realistically couldn’t turn down this opportunity. We agreed to break up when the departure date arrived (as we were both convinced long-distance doesn’t work long-term) and we did so on good terms.

However it’s been almost two months and if anything my feelings towards my OH have grown stronger. I feel like I’ve made a major mistake in not going to the US alongside my OH. I know the OH feels much the same way and it’s proving difficult for them also. They have mentioned however how much they love the US and the only thing that would make them come back to Ireland is me. What if we had something special and it’s in danger of disappearing?

My conundrum is that I actually possess US citizenship and thus would have no problem moving over/getting employment. I have now come to the conclusion that if needs be I would be prepared to leave my current job and having checked the market, the current rent in my area would cover my mortgage. However all of my best friends are still in Ireland and I have no real desire to leave the country bar my OH. I like living in Ireland and I have a very good job while all of my main core of friends live in close proximity, would I be mad to give all that up? What would you do in my predicament? Has anybody been faced with a similar scenario?

Many thanks if you even read this and thanks in advance of any feedback.

BoardsMember

If you have to ask the question, I would suggest you have made the right decision. If you could not bear to be away from him, you would have gone in the first place. Sounds to me like the the heart is growing fonder in his absence, and/or you are a little lonely. If you are wondering if you guys had something special when you have known him 3 years what does that tell you?

Miss Fluff

It's only the States, not Outer Space. If you truly believe he is the One and love him very much and see your future together then I'd go join him. With Skype and cheap airline travel you can still see and talk to your friends a lot.

Would your job in Ireland give you a year's sabbatical as a security blanket to make you feel more secure?

If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out but I'd sure as hell prefer to grab life by the balls than be left wondering what if in a few year's time....

Mighty_Mouse

We were extremely happy in our relationship and everything was perfect. We never argued and it truly seemed destined to be.

This is rare.
Some people never find it.

However it’s been almost two months and if anything my feelings towards my OH have grown stronger. I feel like I’ve made a major mistake in not going to the US alongside my OH.

Trust your instincts.

My guess is you're a little risk adverse. You can rent your house here & find work in the states? Why not go for 1-6 months?
Explain the situation to your employers. They might even hold the position for 1-2 months?

dafunk

Agreed. Try it out short term, maybe for two months. See if you can do a short sublet or else leave your place as is. Will your job give you leave of absence? Why not try it for a month or two, if it doesn't work youll have your gaff and job to come back to.

Friends are important, I agree, but they'll always be here and best they wouldn't think twice about it in your situation.

Ickle Magoo

I think you should go OP, otherwise you'll always be asking yourself if you made a stupid mistake by not doing anything. While I think you should make a go of it so you don't have regrets, I'd also not be rushing to give up your job or rent your house out as you seem to be struggling then and now to find sufficient motivation in your relationship to just want to be with your man. When you start creating obstacles in the way of being with somebody you claim is perfect for you then you have to wonder if it really is right for you - and if you aren't just a bit lonely and day-dreaming of what if's.

Can you save up holidays or take a sabbatical and see how it goes for a month or so before making any permanent moves?