your thoughts on making it work long distance

LegacyUser

I don't mean long-distance as in the other side of the world, but just always living in other sides of Ireland!
I'm just not sure how long it can go on for, or if its even worth it. Me and the BF, together 4 years, in our early 30's, never lived in same county. He's pretty much anchored to the small town which is my home town, as he is not ambitious in a career sense. I have been living in two big cities in Ireland/N Ireland because that is where I can progress in my job, and now the recession has meant I'll definitely never get proper work near home. Its a 4 hours drive home, which I always do because he works part-time at weekends.
Its so tiring and sometimes I think its crazy - especially now there seems like no point in the future when we will be living together. Whats it all about? Sometimes I think we would both make more effort (as in I would sacrifice my career or he would sacrifice being with his friends and family) to be together if we were "meant to be" but we don't. I don't want to be poor and he doesn't want to live in a big city.

Miss Fluff

After 4 years and both being in your 30s there should be some talk/planning as to your future together. Are you both unwaivering insofar as not being willing to move? If that's the case then you both have to weigh up which is more important to each of you, a). the relationship or b). where you live. If you can't reach a compromise/agree on where to live together then I wouldn't hold out much hope tbh...

um7y1h83ge06nx

I agree with Miss Fluff.

I'm in a similar situation, I'm in Limerick, she is in Dublin, both of us work 9-5 Mon-Fri. We've been seeing each other for a year and a half.

The last academic year was her final year in college which was really tough, some weekends we would only see each other for 2-3 hours max. Thankfully though we now can spend entire weekends together. However we both said we couldn't do this long term and within a maximum of 2 years we plan on living together in the same place.

It's a great sign I think that relationships can flourish under trying circumstances but sacrifices have to be made. I think you need to have a proper serious sit-down with your BF and figure out your future strategy. He really can't expect that this can continue long term, particularly as you two aren't lovestruck teenagers (just like myself).

For instance we both agreed that neither of us fancy Dublin as a long-term place to live. She's fine with moving to Limerick and I'm cool with moving to any large urban area in Ireland where there is IT work.

Sorry, for making my answer revolve so much around me, It's just the easiest way I can relate to your situation.

Good luck.

Siuin

I've been doing long distance (ie different continents!) for about a year now, and it can work if you are firstly very similarly minded, secondly secure in your relationship (ie you can trust them) and thirdly you have a specific time in mind when all the madness that is a long distance relationship will end and you'll finally be together!

I think the main reason in my situations that it's working is because I'm in college and studying in the evenings and he's working a pretty demanding job with very long hours. When you wouldn't have time for a relationship anyways, it keeps your mind active and you don't miss it *as much* (there are always going to be lonely times when you miss cuddles and... stuff :P)

In your case, things are much easier in that you can drive to him if needs be- however, I'd strongly recommend setting a date for when ye can live together as a couple- or at least in the same county! A lot of the uncertainty revolving around long distance relationships seems to be the whole "when will all this end and we will be able to be together?" There's always a way, and if ye are really serious about having a future, ye have to have a proper talk and decide where sacrifices need to be made in your current living situations.

Good luck!